The Pedant was helping me with a technological issue tonight, first via texts and then via phone call. While we spoke on the phone we rehashed the shit that had gone down in our relationship, a little bit. He apologized for a bunch of stuff.
Long story short, he said he felt the talking was good and he’d like to continue the discussion in person. I said yes. He’s coming over.
It…seems somewhat likely that I will re-bang him. I kind of don’t want to and yet I kind of do. I mean basically the issue here is that I love doing sexual stuff to him (I think he’s hot and I love how responsive he is and his cock is super pretty and just the right size) but he’s an epic fail at pleasuring me. Like…an epic fail to a point where I don’t want him trying anymore because he’ll probably hurt me. So whatever sex we have will be totally one-sided and although I’ll enjoy it, I’ll also feel bitter and duped knowing that he’ll be having all the orgasms and I shall have none (and that I’m having none because The Pedant refuses to follow my clearly stated instructions!). Unless I get myself off, which I am loath to do because The Pedant’s epic failure at pleasuring me includes repeatedly mentioning that the things I do to get off are weird to him and not like his other partners, so I’m self-conscious.
But anyway. I do think talking about our issues in person would give me some nice closure. We’ll see if closure leads to, um…open-sure. 😛 I’m prepared to forgive myself if I stupidly make a move on him. Sometimes you have to do a stupid thing even when you know it’s stupid, just to remind yourself how stupid it is. I’ve mostly made peace with that fact.