I don’t look like a supermodel, and I am honestly fine with that…most of the time. I rock the “wonky-cute” niche like nobody’s business.
But I feel that my appeal doesn’t come across in photographs, so if I’m in a situation where someone’s judging my attractiveness by still images alone…that’s gonna make me paranoid.
I mention this because I’ve just applied to do these “foot party” things where foot fetishists pay for foot play with hot chicks. If there were, like…an in-person audition, or something, I am confident I’d come across as attractive and fun to play with. But it’s an online application that requires at least one face pic, soooooo yeah.
I haven’t talked about my one partner, The Puppy, in a while, but I am indeed still seeing him. Last night I put on my Hot Girl Disguise* and had him take some pictures of me.
And…my face was really not cooperating with the camera. Neither was my body, really; I’ve been slowly gaining weight over the past few months and the image of myself that I have in my head is noooot exactly how I actually look now; I’m still an hourglass, but I’ve always had a really short torso and now with my bigger ass some angles make me look weird and distorted, like I have big hips and big boobs stacked directly on top of each other with nothing in-between. Kind of a matronly look. like Granny from Looney Tunes. Makes me feel old.
And the lighting at The Puppy’s place was kinda shitty and he’s shorter than I am so the camera angle was often unflattering and just…I pretty much looked at the photos and felt like crying. I don’t know how many slots there are at these parties or how many women are vying for them, but I’m betting a lot of my competition is much younger and more photogenic than I am and it’s wigging me out.
I do not like feeling insecure like this. I hate that I’m trying to compete in an appearance-based arena; I’m totally out of my element here. But the party would be a good shot for me to make money and promote my clip site and possibly cruise for clients for one-on-one sessions.
I managed to claw two decent photos out of the evening. The application is sent now; it’s out of my hands. We’ll see what happens.
*I feel that the Hot Girl Disguise (which in my case means a wig and makeup) is necessary for any sex work endeavor I do for the time being. Nobody recognizes me when my signature punk hairdo is covered up, and dramatic makeup skews my look even more, so I figure my disguise will help keep me from being recognized. As in, I can have face pics online and if someone I know sees them they quite possibly won’t realize it’s me, and also I’ll probably never have to worry about someone who’s only seen my “sex work persona” approaching me when I’m out living my life.