“If you’re enjoying yourself then why am I paying?”

I feel like there’s a thing where, if a sex worker says they like what they do, some people think they should do it for free. Like they’re just doing shit they’d do anyway and then demanding payment for it.

Now that I’ve done that one pro domme session and begun filming foot porn, I have some insights that may help people who are confused about this issue.

1) Enjoying sex work is not (for me, anyway, and I think for a lot of workers) the same thing as enjoying sex. Sex in my personal life gives me joy because I’m connecting with my partners on an intimate level and getting off and usually having feelings of love and whatnot. Sex work is enjoyable to me in a completely different and nonsexual way. I have a background in customer service, and pride myself on reading people well and instinctively giving them what they need; I also really like performing (which is also why I love art modelling and dressing up for Hallowe’en). Sex work of various kinds pushes my “customer service” and “performer” buttons, not my sexbuttons. Sex work actually feels almost the opposite of sex to me, emotionally; the sexykinkytimes I have in my personal life make me feel happy in a powerful way, and the sexykinkytimes I’ve had as a pro domme or porn star make me feel like I work retail and my manager just gave me a verbal pat on the head and I’m glowing because yay, I’m a good little helper! It’s flattering but it doesn’t push my dominance buttons or get me off at all.

2) Even if I did enjoy sex work the exact same way that I enjoy sex in my personal life, there’s nothing wrong with me asking for money upfront for what I do. If the other person doesn’t wanna pay, they can go elsewhere and look for a partner who’ll do stuff for free. Some folks seem to think it’s some kind of unfair extortionist thing to ask someone for money in exchange for sex, but no. It would only be mean/unfair/extortion if orgasms were something a guy couldn’t give himself and he needed them in order to live.

3) Although I genuinely enjoy the fact that a subsection of guys finds my feet irresistible, and I enjoy filming foot porn clips, I enjoy sprawling on the couch watching Netflix with my cats more. It takes effort to come up with an idea, make sure my feet are smooth and moisturized, set up a clean, uncluttered backdrop, film a clip, edit it, compress it, convert it to MP4, and upload it to the interwebz. Just being complimented on the hotness of my feet wouldn’t make all of this worth my while. Getting paid would. There are people out there for whom compliments would be enough, and they post their shit for free. If you don’t wanna pay for what I offer, you’re welcome to go to them. But I don’t owe you free titillation just ’cause you want it from me.

4) The getting paid is a big reason for my enjoyment. Not just because I like having money to buy food and shelter with, but because it means a lot to me that someone would buy one of my clips when there’s all kinds of free porn everywhere on the internet. It feels like the person must really want what I have to offer, specifically- enough to give up some of their hard-earned cash. It’s a testament to my skills as a performer.

3 Comments

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3 responses to ““If you’re enjoying yourself then why am I paying?”

  1. What an incredibly interesting post. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry, but I didn’t already know that you conducted a Pro-Domme session. Did I miss a post? I looked but can’t seem to find it if it is there.

    Your very well articulated words here are spot on and I totally support every one of them.

    • I don’t think I spoke about the session in much detail ever…I probably mentioned somewhere that it happened.

      It’ll be my only session ever though because the laws in Canada regarding sex work have recently changed in a way that makes it way too perilous to continue.

      What sucks is that the government, I guess, thinks it’s “saving” sex workers by doing this, when in reality it was the sex work itself that was saving me. Or would have, had I been able to continue.

      I like porning better than pro domming, though. Finally, a job I can do from home, on my own time, without having to interact with customers in person! It’s ideal. Let’s hope the government doesn’t sweep in and take that away from me somehow.

  2. Pingback: Less confusing. | hiding in plain sight

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