Another example of attitude making all the difference.

I have a guy on FL I’ve been talking to. He contacted me because of my whole nail-polish-gift-certificate-in-exchange-for-foot-pics thing I do. He sent me a whopping $50 gift certificate to spend on whatever colours I wanted, and although he also chatted with me and stuff, he never acted like I owed him time/attention/conversation in return for the money he spent. If I drop out of touch for a bit, he doesn’t whine and sulk about it – he’ll just wait a while and then send me a casual message continuing our conversation like he didn’t even notice I was gone. Our conversations involve small talk and him subtly letting me know what he has to offer me – he knows I’m into the idea of takedown play and would like to teach me some tricks (he’s a martial arts enthusiast); he’s offered to rub my feet; he said if I want, I can teach him to apply nail polish – and that he’ll bring nail polish to learn with so he’s not wasting mine during the learning process when he’s maybe a bit more sloppy. My brain is all the fuck over the place lately due to depression issues and general life stuff so I haven’t gotten around to meeting him yet, but I’d like to.

OMG I just checked out his profile for the first time in a while, and he’s gone from just a pic of him from far away (which at least let me know he was thin-ish and not monstrously deformed in any way, even if I couldn’t tell if I’d find him hot per se) to having a pic of his head and shirtless torso (with his eyes blacked out) and SWEET MOTHER OF GOD HE’S A BRICK HOUSE. Want.

Anyway.

The other day, a guy contacted me on FL saying “Hey miss love the feet. Being that we live in the same city what would one have to do to worship them if possible.” He has no photos or info on his profile, btw. I told him I’d let him know if I’ll be at a munch or event and if he wants he can come chat with me there. I’m not sure I’ll actually follow through on this, though.

I mean here’s the thing. The second guy was polite enough – I’m not offended or anything – it’s just that he gives me no real reason to want to meet up with him. His profile is blank, so I can’t establish whether he’s cute or interesting. His feed is just a whole bunch of him commenting on pics of women’s feet, and between that and the impersonal message he sent me it seems like he’s one of these very very focused fetishists who forgets that feet even have people attached. Arguably “what do I have to do” implies “I will pay you money,” but then again maybe not; maybe if I’m all “Sure, gimme $100 and we can hang for an hour” he’d be appalled. But if he is assuming that there’s no way for me to be interested in him unless he pays, that actually kinda rubs me the wrong way. Like has it ever occurred to him that if he talked to women like human beings instead of being all “FEET PLZ?” right out of the starting gate, he might get willing takers for free?

My other thought is that maybe he looks like The Elephant Man and knows it and that’s why he’s offering to pay (if that’s what this is). And, y’know, I’m not against letting some dude I find hideous slobber all over my feet if the price is right. Although the laws around sex work have recently changed here and it’s unclear whether I’m even technically allowed to name a price. Plus for me to be at ease meeting up with a stranger I tend to need a little chitchat that makes me feel like I’m being acknowledged as a human. He’s kinda treating me like a foot-dispensing robot, which hints at a lack of empathy that doesn’t make me especially wanna be alone with him.

Oh, and before anyone says it, yes, I’d still meet guy #1 even if he hadn’t given me that gift certificate. But damn, it set my heart all aflutter that he sent it to me and instead of telling me exactly what to get (which, to be clear, would be perfectly fine – I have a list of nail polishes I like, and encourage “customers” to let me know if there’s one they’d like to see me in), he said that he just wanted to brighten my day and make me happy and that I should get whatever I wanted. So this is not about the money per se, it’s about him putting my pleasure first instead of being all about “I want I want I want” like guy #2. And quite frankly the gift did brighten my day, and now I associate this guy with the happy feelings I got from receiving my highly anticipated new shinies in the mail.

I’m…just gonna go back and look at the new pic of guy #1 some more. 😀

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