Yeah, fuck it. I know I’m anxious and underslept and PMSing but underneath it all, I know The Bunny and I do have issues.
And the more I thought about him texting me that he was going to the sex club, the more pissed off I got – like why the fuck would he tell me that, knowing I was starved for both sex and kink from him? I don’t expect him to be celibate, or to meter out sex and play exactly equally to everyone in his life, but don’t rub my face in the fact that you’re gonna go out and pursue random play.
Plus there’s some “men in suits and slutty naked chicks” play party he RSVP’d to twelve days ago. So much for him just not having any drive and it’s nothing personal.
Plus he made some minor crack today via text – something that basically smugly acknowledged that he knows I think he’s hot – and my brain just kinda collapsed. Like Jesus Christ why not just outright go “Ha ha, you want me and I don’t want you!” and stick out your tongue at me?
Anyway. The feels were too much and I couldn’t wait the handful of days it would take to see The Bunny in person. I just sent him a FL message spelling out that I’ve tried to be patient but a) these issues have been going on for a long-ass time and b) it seems pretty obvious it’s not actually a general sex drive thing and really he’s just not attracted to me. I said that things don’t seem likely to ever get better so I gotta bail on the relationship but maybe, hopefully, after I take some space to regroup we can go basically back to what we have now (snuggling and watching cartoons, mostly) except without me wanting more.
He replied almost immediately, saying he understands and will give me the space I need. He didn’t put up any fight whatsoever. And jeez, I had a feeling my breaking up with him would be a relief for him but it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth to actually be right.
Well, whatever. If he’d promised to do better in future (like he’s assured me before) I might have been tempted to cave and keep dating him and then I’d be trapped in limbo still. This is easier in the long run.
Still. I don’t get it. Other times that we talked about the impotence thing, he could’ve just said “Yeah, sorry, not feelin’ it anymore” but instead he always made a big thing of wanting to get to the bottom of the problem and fix it. And he’s been the one initiating almost all our get-togethers for ages now. And he’s continued doing all the same sweet things for me that he always has, aside from anything sexual. I feel misled. And confused.
But I also feel kind of relieved.