Bought yet another dick. Mine and I are both fascinated by the idea of him being able to take the biggest cock possible, and he’s shown that he can accommodate my current biggest one pretty easily*, so this shall be the stepping stone between my biggest one and the ridiculous one he bought a while back. I’m honestly not sure the ridiculous one will ever fit inside him**, but if we up the ante gradually you never know.
It occurred to me, a while back, that some of our mutual kinks come from places I don’t approve of.
Like, people in North American culture are socialized to believe that men have this huge, endless libido – a force of nature that they just can’t control – and women are just “meh” about sex and only grudgingly partake in it because of love, not lust. And I suspect that Mine internalized these ideas and that, like many men, he doesn’t usually feel sexually desirable – so his go-to fantasy of being desired revolves around being fucked by random dudes.
And we’re also socialized to believe that a big dick is supposed to be some kind of big deal. Or maybe part of that is a logical extension of when we’re told, as children, “men have penises and women have vaginas” – if “outie” genitals are the sole way we define a man, then a man with huge genitals must be even more of a man! I don’t know. But Mine is a total size queen and the dude-side of my genderqueerness is obsessed with having the biggest dick in the whole damn world. I mean I like pegging dudes and I’ll wear whatever size of dildo they’ll enjoy, but wearing a big dick makes me feel manly and powerful.
I hate that I associate a big dick with power and manliness in that way. I know, on a conscious level, that tons of stereotypically masculine dudes don’t have huge dicks (and that you can be not-stereotypically masculine and still be a man and/or have a big dick!). I know that a big dick doesn’t confer any power but the power of making your partner go “OWWWWWW stop!” when you try to shove it in them too abruptly. Most trans dudes don’t even have a (flesh/attached) dick and I will have screaming fights with anyone who says they’re “not really men.” My preference when being on the receiving end of dick is that it be medium-sized. And yet when I strap on a really big dildo I have this urge to strike macho-man poses in the mirror and tell an imaginary audience “Yeeeeah look at my GIANT COCK you want this GIANT COCK dontcha bitch?”
But because I consciously understand that big dicks aren’t synonymous with any kind of power or manhood, and because Mine also consciously understands this and also doesn’t genuinely believe that chicks hate sex or that men are all horndogs, our kinks aren’t hurting anyone. And so I’m trying to make my peace with it all.
It’s still weird, though, when I walk into the room wearing my biggest dick and Mine goes slack-jawed and weak in the knees. Part of me goes “Awwwww yeah” and another part is vaguely disgusted with both of us.
Well, I hate the toxic culture that gave me these kinks, but I do enjoy the kinks themselves – and since I’m exploring them consensually with someone who’s head is on straight, I’m gonna try to let myself have fun with it.
I can’t wait to get my brand new cock in the mail. 😀
*I honestly never thought I’d find a guy willing to get fucked by that one! I figured I’d mostly just strap it on sometimes to scare the shit out of guys with the very sight of it. Or maybe a guy would suck it for me. But that’s about it. I mean it’s not stupid-crazy-novelty-gift huge, but it’s girthy. Especially to stick in someone’s ass.
**I have a hard time believing that thing would fit inside *anyone*. It’s is the size of my forearm (with the head being as girthy as the widest part of the forearm), and I am not a tiny person. And yes, I’ve seen porn where a woman was in a guy’s ass up to the elbow, but I’m guessing she was smaller than me and that she was bunching up her fingers into an aerodynamic shape. The head on this cock is so huge and blunt it’d be more like jacknifing your arm and shoving your elbow into someone.