I am in the process of falling in love with Mine. He gives me stomach butterflies – even his texts give me stomach butterflies. I daydream about us maybe moving in together one day. I daydream about us being together years from now. I daydream about us celebrating a milestone anniversary by branding his ass.
But when I’m jerking off (which lately is suddenly a fair bit – my AWOL-for-years libido is making a reappearance for no discernible reason, yay!) my thoughts are all about The Bunny.
This is the first time I’ve had two ongoing concurrent sexual partners since being poly. It’s been interesting. I always figured that when it happened, my thoughts and feelings about everyone wouldn’t be exactly the same – I don’t think it’s possible to feel the exact same way about more than one person, anyway, whether the relationships are consecutive or concurrent, romantic or platonic or familial. But it’s still fascinating to observe the specific ways in which everything is settling into place.
A big factor in these particular discrepancies, I think, is that these days when I wank I think of sex, not violence. And PIV in particular is a mainstay of my fantasies, even though it’s not something I do that often in real life. Mine and I have had the most thrilling SM play of my entire life, but have, I think, only done PIV once – and he’s endowed enough that it was a bit of a struggle for me.
The Bunny, though – I adore his cock. It’s uncut and the perfect size and shape to stimulate me without (usually) chafing/irritating me. And even with me only craving PIV maybe once every five visits with him, we’ve still done it a fair bit in the grand scheme of things because we’ve been together for over a year. So I have a large selection of hot Bunny material in my spank bank.
Again. I’m not worried about the fact that I don’t (yet?) have wank fantasies about Mine. These are just observations that I’m writing down because they intrigue me.
Another intriguing thing: I already knew that when my libido gets riled up by one person, it tends to overflow and slosh onto everyone I see*. But apparently emotions do this, too. When I’m fresh off a visit from Mine and feeling all lovey-dovey and blissed out, I find myself feeling extra mushy toward The Bunny, too. I’ve almost blurted out “I love yous” to him when I was still afterglowing from Mine, and I’ve had to bite my tongue because The Bunny and I are not on an I-love-you basis.
* this was a source of great angst for my boyfriends, back when I was monogamous; the happier they made me sexually, the more of a heat-seeking flirt-missile I became with other guys. Which my partner at the time – whoever he was – would mistakenly interpret as me looking to replace him, and much accusation, crankiness, and defensiveness would ensue.