The Bunny and I had our talk. It was over so fast that in a way things feel unresolved. I dunno.
Basically, I said that I miss feeling dominant with him. He said he misses the D/s, too, and wondered why I wasn’t really doing that stuff anymore. I told him I’ve been kind of off my game since that phase where he was never in the mood for it. If he’d ever told me ahead of time that would be one thing, but going to do some little sadistic thing like I’d normally do and basically getting my hand slapped made me all flinchy.
He said he misses being bitten and would like to be objectified more – like, reduced to nothing more than a penis, kind of thing. I’m down with objectifying him, but in retrospect i’m wondering how that might work if he continues having erectile issues. I can hardly be like “All you are to me is a fuck toy” if he can’t fuck me. Guess we’ll see how it goes.
Re: the erectile dysfunction: he said his last long-term girlfriend went on antidepressants and never wanted to have sex anymore, and that contributed to their breakup, so that association is probably what was taking the lead out of his pencil. I accepted this at first, but then I was like “Wait…your ex never wanted to have sex anymore, but I was clearly wanting to have sex with you. So…why would that association come up?” He said the fact of me being on meds had simply reminded him of that sad time in his life. I’m not really seeing the logic here, and worry that he’s grasping at straws and the real issue is something else.
I brought up (again) that it’s felt as though he’s not as into me as he used to be, citing (this time) the fact that he refused to go down on me the last two or three times I asked, which feels like he doesn’t wanna be intimate with me (and I’ve stopped asking for oral because I felt like it was pointless to even try). He insisted that he just feels self-conscious about the state of his mouth/breath sometimes, especially after eating. I told him (again) that my genitals can’t smell his breath. He laughed that off. Sooooo I don’t know whether that’s the real reason or what.
I pointed out that I mostly haven’t been able to get it up with him, either – I’ve been having a hard time orgasming with him, and I blamed it on the meds at first but since then I’ve come fairly easily with two other people so this issue is somewhat Bunny-specific. I said I think it’s happening with him because on some level I haven’t felt entirely safe. Haven’t felt like I could initiate BDSM with him without probably getting shot down; haven’t felt like I can initiate sex with him without quite possibly getting shot down; haven’t known what was going on with him, in general. He didn’t really say anything to that but I think he gets it.
We did have some sexytimes, and those included some really lovely PIV, although neither of us managed to come during the course of the night. The Bunny was more passionate than he’s been in a while, though, and making eye contact more. I felt much more like I was with him and not that one of us was just performing a service for the other. So it does seem like he’s worked some shit out in his head and is capable of feeling closer to me now.
Can I just say, though, when the talking portion of the evening segued into physical stuff, the first thing that happened was The Bunny giving me a package of hair elastics he’d bought so that I could use them for cock-n-ball bondage. I think in his mind, he hadn’t been able to get erections with me in a bit and now he wanted to smooth that over by showing me he could get one now. And that was nice, don’t get me wrong. But my take on the situation is that his erectile issues had made me feel undesirable and the best way to smooth that over would have been for him to eagerly pay attention to me, not vice-versa.
So, it seems like things are going okay again between The Bunny and me – for now. I don’t really trust that things will stay okay, but we’ll see.