I was gonna just keep quiet and let The Pedant fade away, but y’know…the imbalances in our sex life just pissed me off more and more the longer I thought about them. We were sleeping together for eight months with me repeatedly reiterating where and how I liked to be touched, what gets me off, etc., and in all that time he never consistently did any of those things. I can remember one time that The Pedant gave me an orgasm in a straightforward, pleasurable way – I’m guessing by accident. Other than that, he gave me a handful of orgasms I brought about more-or-less with the power of my mind because he wasn’t doing quite what I wanted and wouldn’t take direction, a bunch of times where I just grabbed the HItachi from him and did it my damn self because he was not doing anything even close to what I was requesting, and still more times when our entire visit consisted of me lavishing attention on him without him ever returning the favour.
The capper, though, was our most recent get-together, during which he made a huge deal out of wanting me to come and proceeded to try to get me there by doing absolutely nothing that works for me. PIV with no clitoral stimulation when I’ve told him a hundred times I don’t have g-spot orgasms. Flinging my legs over his shoulders when I’ve told him I typically can only come if my legs are relatively straight. Acting all toppy and condescending and calling me a “good girl” when he knows I’m dominant. Not to mention I’d told him just hours before that I’m on meds that inhibit orgasm, so his whole “Oooh I wanna see you come, come for me like a good girl” schtick came across as pressuring and insensitive.
Plus once again he had to ask me if I’d come – this from a guy who would often subtly indicate that there must be something wrong with me, because past partners had gotten off on whatever stupid uncomfortable thing he was trying to do to me. Took me longer than it should have for me to realize that, realistically, he probably has no idea whether those past partners really did have orgasms. He never knows with me, and I have the most obvious sounds in the world. It’s seeming more and more likely that many other women ran into the same issue of him doing painful, awkward things to their bodies and not listening to direction, so they faked it just to make him stop. Or didn’t fake it and he inexplicably thought they came anyway. He’s really spectacularly, hilariously clueless on the orgasm front – seriously.
Anyway. If we ignore The Pedant’s prettiness, and we ignore his perfectly sized cock, and we ignore how sensitive and responsive he is when I do things to him – if we focus solely on the experience of him trying to pleasure me – he sucks in bed. Really, really badly. And yet before we slept together he talked up his skills constantly and it was clear he thinks he’s really hot shit.
I don’t know how someone can have such a false impression of their own bedroom prowess. Wait, yes I can: women are trained to be polite and coddle men’s egos. And who knows, maybe one or two of his previous partners happened to match up to his preconceived notions of What Chicks Like and had a great time with him. But overall I feel that his bubble needs bursting. So I just sent a blunt, no-nonsense email explaining precisely why I won’t be sleeping with him again and giving him tips for improvement that he can use with future partners.
I anticipate that if he responds at all, it will be sulkily, and he’ll probably read things into the email that aren’t there and then vehemently defend those strawmen. But whatever. I have informed him that he has consistently ignored my needs, wants, and clearly stated direction to a point where I was bracing myself for pain every time he got near my genitals; what he does with this info is up to him.