A text conversation with Mine:
Mine [referring to our current deal where he edges every day but doesn’t come]: Please remember that I have some toys here that you can tell me to use.
Me: If you can get it in comfortably, I would like you to wear your butt plug the next time you go out somewhere. [New message] Actually, practice first around the house so you know it can stay in okay and be comfortable. If it can, I want you wearing it to run errands or whatnot.
Mine: I’m going out with my mother tomorrow. Can I do it the time after, please? I love this idea though.
See? This is what I mentioned in my previous post about him – I can trust him because he gives me pertinent information. If he needs to bow out of something, he’ll tell me instead of trying to tough it out in the name of obedience (or saying he did it when he didn’t), but at the same time he has not (so far, from what I can tell) wussed out on anything I told him to do for no good reason. I don’t think he’d ask for a reprieve on the butt plug thing because he was tired or felt embarrassed or just didn’t feel like it, for instance. He seems like he has the perfect balance of doing his best to please me while letting me know when a request might not be feasible. And he lets me know in a polite and deferential way.
A text conversation with The Bunny:
Bunny: A BBW made a post [on FetLife]. I must now worship her. [Meaning: a woman (I’m guessing aspiring pro domme or findomme) made an annoyingly demanding, entitled post and he’s snarking about it.]
Me: Well duh.
Bunny: Even if the sum total of her activity on the site is: posts photo, joins personals group and makes a post.
Me: Yes. She will be your new addiction and/or religion*. Bow to her.
Me: KNEEL, SLAVE!
Bunny: Hahaha…you saying that turned me on a bit.
It drove me a wee bit mad that he would say that, since in many ways he’s made me feel uncomfortable domming him. And I have wondered whether our spark is dying partly because we don’t really have a D/s component anymore – he used to enjoy it, and maybe on some level he misses what we had, or at least some aspects. I decided to address this, although I figured as soon as I said anything he’d tell me to save it for our in-person talk on Thursday.
Me: Maybe I haven’t been demanding enough lately. Feel like my D/s mojo’s been off with you.
Bunny: Things to discuss. [Yup, he wants me to save this for Thursday. That’s reasonable.]
Me: Yup. Add it to the agenda.
Bunny: Off or just less focused? [Huh. Okay, well since he’s asking for details…and notice how he’s probably trying to blame our issues on me having other boys with the whole “less focused” thing.]
Me: Way back during the orgasm control incident you told me you were probably more of a bottom than a sub per se. Since then I’ve second-guessed myself re: telling you to do things. And since the stint in June when you never felt like playing (or sexing) I’ve been hesitant to initiate SM, too. Because I don’t wanna get shot down and it’s clear your interest in pain is really fickle. So, off. I don’t have the confidence to assert what I want from you like I used to.
Bunny: Yeah, I hear that. I will keep this in mind and do some reflection on my part.
Me: Thank you.
I like that The Bunny is at least willing to try to be introspective so we can maybe figure some things out. It would be nice if we could get our relationship back on track. I’m kinda worried that this will go the same way it did with Minx, though – that The Bunny will essentially say “Yeah, no, I totally miss D/s and SM. But I’m only in the mood for it occasionally, with no rhyme or reason. So, y’know, just keep doing all the initiating and on those rare occasions when I feel like doing stuff, I won’t shoot you down.”
That would still be preferable to him saying he’s not into D/s with me at all, I guess.
Incidentally, the other day he had a date with a woman – not OtherGirl but someone new. He showed me her FL profile and she’s a dominant looking for slaves. I was like “Didn’t you tell me before that you don’t really like to be controlled?” and he said yes, that’s true. I said “So why are you going on a date with someone who’s specifically looking for slaves?” He mumbled that he didn’t know, she just seemed interesting. I get the sense that he was interested in potentially exploring D/s with her (or with someone, anyway) but just couldn’t or wouldn’t articulate this to me. Maybe he does enjoy some aspects of submitting, but doesn’t know how to explain it to me. Maybe he’s interested in submitting but (for whatever reason) not to me. Maybe since I haven’t asked him to submit in ages, he misses it but assumes I’m not into it anymore so he’s looking elsewhere.
There are a lot of things I’d like answers to on Thursday. I hope all his reflection pays off.
*I have never seen a lifestyle domme boast that she’ll be anyone’s addiction or religion, but cheesy pro dommes do all the time.