I should be getting to bed, but I just wanted to quickly talk about one of my harem members – the newbie sub I met through FetLife who charmed me with his good attitude.
A week or so ago, he treated me to a night on the town, after which I ended up crashing in his hotel room (he lives in another city and I’d said I didn’t feel comfortable having him over yet).
Once we were in his room, a certain amount of making out happened and (as usually happens with dudes lately) I ended up naked while he was still fully clothed (I love being caressed, and if someone is making my skin feel good I want them to have access to all of it).
Turns out this guy is a cunnilingus aficionado. And not in the way so many dudes are – he’s in it for my pleasure first and foremost, listens to direction, and can apparently keep going for a long time (his personal record was an hour and nine minutes). When he first asked permission to head down south, I gave my now-standard spiel about being on antidepressants that make orgasming difficult and blah blah blah.
Actually, I felt more cautious than usual telling that to this dude; he seemed like the kind of basic, meat-and-potatoes guy who maybe wouldn’t know much about mental illness and would stigmatize me as crazy/broken. But when I made my little confession, he said “Well, in the interest of full disclosure, I too am on antidepressants and have trouble orgasming.” I felt like that Warner Bros. cartoon with the wolf and sheepdog – the one where they’re both wearing layers and layers of costumes and peeling them off, and just when you think they’re all off, the wolf peels off one more layer and is the sheepdog underneath, and vice-versa. I high-fived him.
But anyway, he gave me a whoooole bunch of oral that I think might actually have gotten me off had I not been on meds (and nobody’s managed to get me off by mouth in years). He was fingering my g-spot, too, and I don’t know if that made me emotional (sometimes g-spot stimulation makes me emotional for some reason) or if I was just really, really happy to finally find someone both willing to go down for extended periods and good at it, but I asked him to take a little break and then unexpectedly burst into tears. He handled it well – he asked with a bit of alarm if I was okay, and I said yeah, and then he held me close until the worst of it was over and then asked if I wanted to talk about it. I tried to articulate my thoughts as best I could, but really I’m not totally sure why I started bawling like that. I forgot about the thing where my g-spot can make me emotional until a bit later though. Like seriously, this huge cryfest may have been purely a brain fluke caused by the way his fingers were inside me.
After a bit he asked me if I’d enjoyed the oral sex, and I said holy shit yes. And he asked me to confirm that it was still fun even if I didn’t come, and I said yes, absolutely. And then he was like “Well, as long as you’re having fun…” and went down on me a whole bunch more. Contrast this with The Pedant, who always says he wants me to come but then doesn’t remotely do anything that would get me there, and the annoying guy from a little while ago who went down on me quite well but seemed to lose interest in it once he realized I wasn’t going to come (even though I told him it felt really good and I was enjoying myself). (The Bunny, meanwhile, no longer offers oral sex to me and politely declined to give it the last two times I asked, which is a different but equally frustrating issue.)
I do not like when someone approaches sex with me as though I’m a Rubik’s Cube to be solved and put on the shelf as a testament to the user’s skills. I want someone to approach sex with me as though I’m a bucket of assorted Lego pieces: there are a million possibilities for making awesomeness, and no end goal except having fun.
Anyway. Round Two of oral sex made me go all emotional again and I asked the boy to stop. Actually, he’d got me turned on enough that I was feeling really toppy and when he came up to kiss me I said “you are giving me the violence” and grabbed his throat while we kissed. Soon I’d rolled on top of him and was biting/slapping/kissing him while he said just about the most crazy-hot things I could possibly imagine…how he wanted to be mine. How he wanted to submit to me and give his body over entirely to use however I liked. How he’d suck and fuck another man, even, if I told him to. It helps that he has (what to my mind is) a really sexy voice.
The making out kind of wound to a close of its own accord (although the boy was considerably more naked by then) and we just kind of lay around talking. I found out that we both hate our dads, and for pretty similar reasons. Also that the boy’s mental health went seriously sideways last October such that he checked himself into the psych ward. My response to hearing this was “That was a really brave thing to do” and I meant it.
He actually wrote me on FetLife the next day asking me to please not think he’s damaged goods because of the psych hospital thing, but I don’t. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and I was the one who realized it and told him; he took no steps to get it treated. Minx was wracked with anxiety and ADD issues and I was the one who realized it and told her; she took no steps to get any of it treated. This boy? Figured out that something was wrong on his own and aggressively set about fixing it. I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed I’m not. 😀
Also? Helloooo, I too am clinically depressed (and hate my dad). If the boy is damaged goods, then so am I. Also I like it that he can understand my issues, “damaged” or not.
But anyway, back in the hotel room…I was beginning to think all this “I want to serve/please/be owned by you” stuff wasn’t actually bullshit. The boy wasn’t giving me the pushy vibe that so many “subs” have, and not because he was wishy-washy – he has particular kinks he’s interested in, he’s not one of those guys who’s interested in some generic idea of “kink” without knowing what any of it even is. He just really does seem to want to let me lead, and to make sure I’m happy above all else. And he listens to me. And he remembers little things I’ve said and preferences I have. And our kinks match up well.
And so, when we were drifting off to sleep and he asked if he could be my sub (like, as opposed to “some guy I’m seeing who’s a sub”) I took a leap of faith and said yes.
Just to put this in perspective, I have never officially declared someone my sub before, even after seeing them for months. It never felt quite right. With this boy I agreed to it on our second date.
I hope my instincts are correct.