Pervert

I forgot to mention: not long ago, in a text conversation (of course), I expressed some kind of sexual or kinky desire and The Bunny nonchalantly called me a perv again. He’s said before that he means it in a complimentary way but it still gets on my nerves sometimes, so I instructed him to tell me his favourite pervy thing about me. You know, to kinda balance out the disparaging implications of the word.

He tried to dodge, because such statements of praise can be difficult for him. But I persevered. The thing he finally went with is that I like his cock, and play with it. Which sounds like kind of a cop-out (he chooses that and not anything I do that’s actually kinky? A straight woman liking the cock is “perverted” now?*) but it actually may not be.

I’m a member of a few “ask a woman a question”-type discussion groups on FetLife. Dudes there are always asking what women think of this or that sex act, or how we view men’s bodies, and reading the answers is the first time I’ve ever been privy to the personal opinions of such a wide cross-section of women. I mean, my friends and I talk about sex/bodies/etc., but my friends tend to be in a similar demographic to me and have similar opinions, obviously.

A shocking (to me) number of straight and bi women on FetLife seem to dislike (or not notice) men’s bodies, dislike men’s sexuality, dislike men’s penises.

When a discussion of attractiveness comes up, I’d say 30% or so of the respondents insist they don’t care about looks at all, or that men’s bodies are just not as inherently beautiful or desirable as women’s, or that women just aren’t visual.

When I asked if other women like to hang out naked with their partners even if sexytimes are not in the offing, I got a resounding “NO, nudity is for when we’re about to fuck” with a side order of “women aren’t visual” and (bizarrely, to me) “If I saw my partner naked all the time it wouldn’t be special anymore.” (Wow, really? Because I’ve been in long-term relationships where my partner and I were basically naked at every opportunity and I never stopped wanting to sex any of them.) (Actually, most of the women on that thread, as soon as they read the phrase “naked with your partner,” got stuck on the part where they were naked. The vast majority of the answers were women talking about how they weren’t comfortable with their bodies for various reasons, and ignoring the hypothetical naked man in the room entirely. Which makes me even sadder.)

When guys ask if they should post dick pics on their profiles, I’d say 70% of the answers range from “men are sexier in suits than naked” to “OMG PUT IT AWAY NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT.” (The remaining 30%, including me, are like “Maybe not as your avatar, and maybe a full body nude instead of a log.” LINK NSFW.)

When guys ask “Do women like to watch guys jerk off?” a staggering (to me) number of women said no. That they’d rather watch paint dry than watch their partner give himself an orgasm. I mean, a few women always say yes, too, but “no” and “I don’t want him to jerk off when he could be fucking me instead” typically outweigh the “yes” faction. (To be clear, I don’t find the latter dismissive of men’s desirability at all – generally the opposite, although the way some women phrased the idea it sounded controlling and insecure.)

When guys ask any kind of question involving semen (“Do you like creampies?” “Do you like being ejaculated on?” “Do you like bareback better than using condoms?”) a lot of women say they’re not to into it (which is of course their prerogative) but then there are always a bunch who act like their partner’s semen is toxic waste or something. I’ve seen several women refer to semen as “cock snot” and say that it “belongs in the garbage [in a condom]” not on their tits etc. That level of shaming is totally unacceptable to me. If a guy came into these groups and referred to a woman’s sexual lubrication as “vag vomit” he’d be crucified, and yet I rarely see anyone call a woman out on saying “cock snot.” And when it’s happened, the perpetrator stood by her shitty, shaming language and wouldn’t apologize or see how inappropriate it was.

Anyway. I can’t deep throat (which a lot of women on FetLife do admit to loving). If I try to swallow semen, the texture makes me gag – and I’ll admit I don’t really love the taste, either. I’m not saying I’m some kind of porn star/sex goddess. But semen is a byproduct of my partner’s pleasure, and as such, I adore it – as long as it’s not in any of my holes**. If I get ejaculated on I’ll rub it into my skin instead of getting up to shower, because I’d rather stay in bed and have post-coital snuggles. And I love watching (and participating in) my partner’s orgasms. I love The Bunny’s cock – ogling it, stroking it, licking it. Sometimes when he’s not around I crave his taste. Also when he is around, obviously, and I’ll often suck and lick him to a point where he feels uncomfortable and makes me stop (he’s said he feels weird having too much attention lavished on him – like selfish or whatever, even though I’m doing it of my own free will).

And there’s the thing where I want to see him naked all the time, which is apparently not common.

Tl;dr: my liking and playing with The Bunny’s cock might actually be unusual for him.

Huh.

 

*Sadly, I get the feeling The Bunny – and many other men – actually believe this. They’re just so not used to being seen as objects of desire.

**And if I get lucky enough to be with a guy with a vasectomy again, bareback is totally back on the table. I only say “not in any holes” right now because pregnancy.

8 Comments

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8 responses to “Pervert

  1. Sprite (formerly Leah, changing due to privacy reasons)

    Aaaand this is why I would never be in one of those groups. Maybe it’s because it’s 3am and I am no longer used to this glorious schedule and am tired, but those comments all pissed me off generally. Because people are allowed to have their opinions, but don’t be shaming, mean, or act like this is ALL WOMEN who feel so negatively.

    (oh and I see the connection you made but I’d still be annoyed at The Bunny for the answer – be more specificccc)

    We’ve discussed before how similar we are in a lot of sexual ways, andthis is yet another confirmation overall.

    -Blink and I are naked together all the time and we have super hot sex
    -I ogle men and women, love to ogle (in a not creepy or obvious way, to myself and Blink)
    -I really enjoy dick pics and I am fine with either a close-up or a more full-bodied shot. Ideally, both!
    -Guy jacking off? Wait, IN FRONT OF ME??? Sign me up rn plz. Bonus for ejaculation. *drools*
    -I have heard a lot of guys say they’ve never ejaculated on a woman before, and like, my first serious boyfriend and I, that’s basically all we did because he struggled to orgasm from sex (he claims, 10 years later, that it was all nerves). On my tits, face, mouth, wherever! I didn’t know it was so “deviant” and therefore it was normalized for me. I like the feeling of ejaculation inside me, but I definitely like to mix it up if we can handle the mess (I have an IUD and trust it)!
    -I don’t *love* the taste of semen, but I feel like it’s far more work and prolonged taste if I were to spit. Swallowing is quick and painless (for me).
    -I’m wary of people’s definitions of deepthroat… but I can’t do it, at least not with the vast majority of partners, who have been too big for it. But I get by juuust fine 🙂 I’m the same way with dick – love the taste, smell, sight, feel! Casual touching that doesn’t go anywhere is great, and I’m glad that I don’t overwhelm him with it because it’s just so fun.

    /soul sistering

    • (oh and I see the connection you made but I’d still be annoyed at The Bunny for the answer – be more specificccc)

      Agreed! But he’s awkward at talking about this stuff, so…baby steps. 😛

      *solidarity fistbump on everything you’ve said*

  2. I’m shaking my head a little that he still doesn’t get this. Good for you for making him explicitly tell you it’s positive. 🙂

    A straight woman liking the cock is “perverted” now?
    Women don’t have sexual desire and cocks are gross, everyone knows that!

    Ugh. Seriously never understood this. It really does seem that for women to have sexual interest that isn’t purely a reflection of romance or intimacy is considered perverse, and that’s so limiting.

    Funny gender-essentialist nonsense I’ve heard a few times from straight women when I come out as bi is “ew, I know I’m definitely straight. I could kiss a girl and breasts are nice to look at but vulvas are just gross.” Then they’ll express the same revulsion for penises and testes. But they’re still straight. Have yet to hear a reasonable reconciliation of these attitudes. I worry that women are taught that sexual desire and expression are shameful and taboo from such a young age that they block and bury thoughts that don’t mesh with what Cosmo says, and avoid thinking about it too hard.

    Still, if he likes the attention, saying things that discourage it is probably a really bad idea.

    • “ew, I know I’m definitely straight. I could kiss a girl and breasts are nice to look at but vulvas are just gross.”

      Heh. That’s kinda how I feel. I might not have used the word “gross” but, like…alien. And kinda scary.

      Then they’ll express the same revulsion for penises and testes.

      Annnnnnd that’s where the similarity stops. I just…straight women? Thinking guys’ genitals are gross? I can’t even. O.o

      I worry that women are taught that sexual desire and expression are shameful and taboo from such a young age that they block and bury thoughts that don’t mesh with what Cosmo says, and avoid thinking about it too hard.

      Pretty sure that’s what it is. Or maybe it’s that we’re all taught that genitals are gross, and some of us internalize the idea more than others.

      But it makes no sense to me at all that a heterosexual woman would find dicks gross. I usually roll my eyes at evopsych theories, but, like…for the human race to propagate itself, people do need to want to fuck. It doesn’t make any damn sense for women to have evolved so that they hate guys’ genitals.

  3. anonymistress

    Delurking to say: I’m a lady who is way more tactile and aural than visual and is the kind of person who’d say I don’t like looking at dicks. But that critiquemydickpic tumblr is great – and some of the pictures are super hot – so thanks for linking it.

    • I’m glad I could introduce you to the site! I love it and really admire what the person is doing. Especially the fact that they’re critiquing the photos, not the senders’ dicks or bodies.

  4. Andy

    I lurk in a few of those groups too. Now, you probably know some of my kinks by now, so you know I love cross-dressing and two men together and so on and so forth.

    I remember the first time I saw a guy post a, “Women: what do you think of cross-dressers?” question in one of those groups and fifty women descended on him like a ton of bricks: “Ick.” “Yuck.” “No way.”

    “Wow,” thought I. “So much for embracing the idea of not kink-shaming people!”

    And I thought that when the second guy posted.

    And the third.

    And maybe the fourth and the fifth and the sixth and the 50th.

    By the time the 51st posted, even though the words may literally have spelled out, “Women: what do you think of cross-dressers?” all I could read was, “WOMEN I AM A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE WHO IS SUPER UNIQUE AND SPECIAL AND WILL YOU SHARE MY KINK WITH ME.” Because the answer to what women think of cross-dressers in general was all over the group, so obviously the man was ACTUALLY asking, “What do you think of ME as a cross-dresser. Would you cross-dress ME.” And my answer to that would be, “Ick, yuck, no way.”

    Now, I mean, I have my preferences just like anyone else: casual nudity – nope. Come on my tits – yup. Decontextualized dick pics – nope. Watching a guy I like jerk off – yup. But at this point? I would never, ever be tempted to say, “Hey, I like that!” in the 1000th repeated thread about something I like, because I wouldn’t want the idiot poster to take that as a subtle endorsement of their behaviour. The only time I’m even tempted to reply is when I just want to shut the OP down and hard.

    • obviously the man was ACTUALLY asking, “What do you think of ME as a cross-dresser. Would you cross-dress ME.”

      Oh, totally. I caught on to that pretty fast. I still answer most of those types of questions anyway, though – not so much for the asker himself as for the benefit of any lurkers who share his kink and genuinely do want to know women’s thoughts about it.

      I answer fairly clinically so as not to provide fap fodder, and I play it absolutely straight (answering “what do you think of…” without bringing the OP into it) but I do answer. Unless the question is asking for a bunch of description. Then I either ignore it or give the guy a verbal bitchslapping, because Obvious Masturbator is Obvious.

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