Finally went to the doctor about my anxiety issues. I thought that anti anxiety meds were a different thing from antidepressants (which I’ve been on in the past and did not want to go on again) but apparently I was misinformed. The doctor prescribed me some fucking antidepressants. And I’m going to take them because I can’t pull myself up out of this on my own.
And, in a hilarious twist, I got her to prescribe me some new drug because I didn’t want to go back on something I’d tried before (one of the things I hated about antidepressants is that every single one I ever tried ultimately stopped working). When I went to get the prescription filled, the pharmacist said there was a much cheaper drug that worked in a very similar way and did I want that instead. Saving money is good. I said yes. And it turns out the cheaper drug he switched me to is Celexa – which I have been on before. He’d been referring to it by its generic name so I didn’t catch on.
My friend Kaija told me (and my doctor agreed) that my body chemistry may have changed, and a drug might not have the same effect on me now as it did 15-odd years ago when I first took it. But still. I’m pretty much anticipating history to repeat itself.
A month’s supply of Celexa is only $18 though so at least I’m not paying an arm and a leg for the privilege. Some of the shit I used to take was like $200/month.
Also, the doctor is gonna hook me up with some cognitive behavioural therapy and a psychiatrist (who can prescribe me a more fine-tuned cocktail of drugs if I need it). So if the Celexa does that same old thing of working at first and then petering out, I’ll probably have a backup plan in place by then.
And in addition to the antidepressants, my doctor prescribed me some sleeping pills and ordered some blood tests to make sure it’s not actually some other issue fucking me up. I like this: I like that she’s given me antidepressants right away without making me wait, I like that she’s double-checking my blood just in case, and I like that she’s given me sleeping pills to help level me out while I wait for the antidepressants to kick in (the anxiety makes it hard for me to fall asleep and when I haven’t slept I get even more anxious and paranoid, so things kinda snowball).
Even if the Celexa does the exact same thing to me that it did the first time, it might be worth it just to have that brief reprieve from the shit going on in my head. Too bad I’ll also likely have a reprieve from being capable of orgasm (which is the other issue I had with Celexa and every other SSRI I tried).