Confidence vs. bluster

The Bunny is always texting me claiming that some woman or other has been blatantly checking him out, or even purposely standing too close to him on public transit. Which made me think that he’s aware he’s cute.

And yet when I pay him a compliment on his looks, he cannot handle it. At all. Deflects by calling me a pervert. Acts like it’s terribly odd of me to be finding him attractive. Once, via text, he thanked me sincerely for telling him I think he’s strong and manly and awesome; he said women generally don’t seem to notice these qualities in him. Once, a day or two after I yelled at him for his habit of calling me a pervert when I say something nice about him, I complimented him and he said “thank you,” but in a stupid voice – he really has a hard time accepting compliments like a normal person.

So…who’s with me in thinking all this “Awww yeah, I just got checked out by a buncha ladies” shit is a bunch of bravado he’s putting on for me because he heard that chicks dig confidence?

I mean if you actually do know you’re hot*, you don’t get flustered when your partner tells you so, right? It does not seem feasible to me that The Bunny truly does think women check him out all the time and yet my expressions of lust are this completely foreign, weird thing that he can’t respond to in a reasonable way.


*Or at least, hot to some people; I do think beauty is subjective.


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4 responses to “Confidence vs. bluster

  1. Andy

    Egos aren’t usually the most rational of creatures and I don’t think it’s at all difficult for them to hold two contradictory beliefs, especially when they’re fragile. I went through all of high school with about a 90 average. I knew I was smart–much smarter than everyone around me. I knew everyone around me was dreadfully stupid. I also knew I was a fraud and it was only a matter of time before everyone realized what a stupid, stupid idiot I was. In fact, from my very in-depth study of…um…about three people, I’d venture to say that “bipolar confidence” (a term I have just invented, TM) probably isn’t that uncommon: wildly delusional highs (everyone around me is an idiot; girls on the bus are all purposely standing close to me because I’m super hot) co-existing with the lowest of lows.

    So I don’t think the Bunny’s putting on an act, necessarily. I just think his ego is super-fragile and out of whack. Which isn’t to say I think you should be coddling him. I know he’s young, but how to not-debate a compliment is a skill EVERYONE needs to learn, like, yesterday.

    • Damn, good point. My confidence waffles the same way.

      But yes. I’m still putting my foot down and making The Bunny accept my compliments (or I’ll just break up with him so I don’t have to put up with this bullshit anymore. Whatever.)

  2. Imposter syndrome for physical attractiveness? 😉

    In seriousness, it may be the difference between direct compliments and perceived behaviors. He’s a very passive communicator, if your writing about him is representative. He may be used to interpreting others’ passive communications–gestures and subtext etc.–and comfortable with positive attention in that form. You, on the other hand, are being direct. There’s no room for interpretation, and I think that to a passive communicator that can set off an “oh god there has to be subtext here what is the dastardly ulterior motive!?!?!?” Problem with relying on subtle cues and indirectness: it can be easy to forget that’s not the only option.

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