Bunny visit

So, when I saw The Bunny the other day, we did some shopping (he bought me a silicone dick to fuck him with) and went back to his place and (eventually, after watching a DVD and me taking a brief nap) got down to business.  We started making out, and when I began to get rough, he asked for gentleness.  “All used up from the play party last night?” I asked.  He said no, that’s not it, he just wanted gentleness that day.

He may have been lying when he claimed not to have been too messed up from the play party to indulge my sadism.  Probably he was trying to stave off jealousy…it turns out not only did Rope Girl play with him as planned, but another woman did, too (and a third one expressed interest, but if I recall correctly she never actually got around to acting on it).  Hearing that at a time when he has not played with me for weeks was kind of a lot to deal with.  Although underneath my jealousy, the idea of him being passed around like a little slut kinda turned me on.  I did not expect to feel that way.  It’s interesting.

If residual pain wasn’t the only thing standing between me and sadomasochism, though – if The Bunny really just didn’t want to play like that with me, when he’d clearly been in the mood for it from all comers the night before – I’d have to wonder why.  Feels a bit like I should be taking it personally, y’know?

Anyway, I fucked The Bunny’s ass until it got so intense for him that he needed me to stop.  Then we mutually decided to switch to PIV, but he couldn’t get it up.

This…freaks me out a bit.  Used to be The Bunny would orgasm multiple times during our encounters, but that hasn’t happened in ages.  First his wonky libido and now this…I know that sometimes genitals don’t work the way we want them to, but this erectile issue in conjunction with him never wanting to play anymore (but playing with others!) is giving me the creeping dread.  I seriously wonder if he’s having some kind of issue or hidden resentment with me that’s making him not want to be intimate with me.  If he is, I don’t trust him to even realize it on a conscious level; if he isn’t, me going “You have a problem with me, don’t you?  DON’T YOU?!?” would probably scare his erections away all on its own.  So I don’t really feel like I can say anything.  I guess I’ll just wait a bit and see if anything changes.

Also, on a whole other note, he was way over obsessed with his dick problems.  As soon as it became clear that he was having a bit of an issue, I figured maybe he was just feeling overstimulated or too pressured to perform.  So I was like “Meh, don’t worry about that.  Focus on me instead,” and I handed him the Hitachi.  Meaning: concentrate on giving me orgasms and don’t worry about your dick.  Maybe if we come back to it later it’ll decide to cooperate.  But he kept jerking off while using the Hitachi on me, and as soon as he got halfway hard, he put the vibrator aside and tried to put his penis in me again.

Funny story: it didn’t really work – he would bend each time he thrust – and when he jokingly said “Oh, pushing me out, eh?”  I scoffed and told him he had no idea what I was actually capable of.  And then I sharply flexed my Kegel muscles and sent his half-erection shooting out of me like a goddamned bullet.  He was startled and impressed, and crammed himself awkwardly back into me and asked me to do it again.  I did, and accidentally pushed out a loud fart at the same time.  “Well, that was pretty much to be expected,” I said, sheepishly.

But yeah.  Sex was a no-go, despite The Bunny interrupting our Hitachi-ing activities like four different times to try to get inside me again.  He said that something about the pegging had tired out his Kegel muscles and those assist him in the inflation process.  I”ve never heard of a guy having to clench his taint to bring on an erection, but whatever, I don’t have a penis, I don’t know.

The Bunny got me off with the Hitachi twice and, when I asked if there was anything I could do for him, declared his penis done for the night (no jerking off, no nothing; totally kaput).  We snuggled and watched some YouTube videos about koala bears (the topic came up for some reason and we both realized we’ve never seen one walking.  Only clinging to a tree.  So we had to do some research.)  Then – rather early, it seemed to me – he politely kicked me out.  And didn’t walk me to the bus stop as he often does.

He also hadn’t offered me food at any point, and we’d hung out for like eight hours altogether.  It’s hard not to perceive these little things as slights – as a taking-back of niceties he’s provided before, perhaps as some kind of message to me.  But the first part of our day involved him paying for a transit day pass for me so we could go shopping; he bought me a $70 dick to fuck him with and would have bought me some sexytimes clothing if anything I’d tried on had fit.  So that’s a pretty clear indication that he’s invested in future naked fun with me, right?  I even asked if we should keep the new dick at his place or mine and he encouraged me to take it home.  So even though it’s a model that’s been used on him in the past and he bought it because he knows he likes the size and feel, he did buy it for me and not strictly for him.

I am trying my best to reframe my relationship with The Bunny as a FWB thing (which is is probably what he thinks it is, anyway) rather than a quasi-romance.  I think I can do that.  Except if he keeps on being wonky around the idea of sex and kink, there won’t be any B in the equation.

Humph.

7 Comments

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7 responses to “Bunny visit

  1. Holy mixed signals, Batman! What is going on here? Sounds like the most frustrating thing ever and I’m so sorry, would you like some cookies?

    It’s so hard to address the kink thing. On the one hand, he’s not obligated to want the same things with you as he does with other partners. On the other, it’s part of the paradigm you two have, and if that needs to change for him it’s so important to be straight with you. Not keeping you in the loop is withholding information you need to decide whether you want to continue associating with him in certain ways. The sad thing is that I think some people do this deliberately, to keep a partner just invested enough to be available with minimum expenditure of effort. (Not trying to say that’s your situation, just that it is a thing that happens).

    With sex, it sounds like there’s a disconnect between what he wants and what his body will cooperate with? So hard to tell, especially given that very few men are willing to discuss such things.

    All the frustration. Gnashing of teeth, rending of garments, gah!

    Aside to first commenter. Seriously, if you’re going to talk down to people about sexual knowledge or question their sex-positivity, could you at least know the correct word to use when condescendingly (and only partially correctly) “educating” them? Points deducted for assuming she doesn’t know how bodies work, correlating very specific body knowledge with sex-positivity, irrelevance to larger point, and being an asshat. Sheesh.

    • Make my cookies gluten free, please. 😛

      First commenter is a troll and has been spam binned, but yeah, the repeated misspelling of the word “Kegel” kind of undercut his snotty academic tone. I almost left the post up just for comedy value…almost.

      I do realize now that my post may not have been clear, though – The Bunny was saying that men have to flex in order to become erect (not that flexing the Kegels helps give a flagging erection a boost). Which…no. Just no. Maybe some guys need to do this, but not all, and not (at any point that I have ever seen) The Bunny.

      He often phrases things incredibly oddly, though. I think that’s what happened there.

      The sad thing is that I think some people do this deliberately, to keep a partner just invested enough to be available with minimum expenditure of effort.

      I have wondered whether The Bunny is actively withholding info from me…not in a malicious way per se but because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or assumes his interest in kink will come back eventually or I dunno what.

      And yeah, he’s not obligated to want the same things with me as he does with other partners. But I was here first (we had a paradigm, as you said.) If his interest in kink has somehow transferred to the other women he’s seeing, that plays right into every fear I’ve ever had of being poly. And that sucks.

    • Also, I’m going to email you in a couple of minutes. Heads up.

  2. Thud

    “…. . He said that something about the pegging had tired out his Kegel muscles and those assist him in the inflation process. I”ve never heard of a guy having to clench his taint to bring on an erection, but whatever, I don’t have a penis, I don’t know.”

    I’m no expert in male anatomy but I do have ED (erectile dysfunction) akin to The Bunny (you’ve described his symptoms often enough that I feel we’re quite similar in this respect) and I find that standing up helps as the tension in the thigh muscles and lower abdomen enhances my erections when they are otherwise less-than-firm. I can actually ‘pump’ my erection by clenching my Kegels. When younger, I could make it bounce, swinging the tip up (and down) thru a wide arc, say, 45 degrees, as I clenched then released. If I feel an impending bowel movement, that infringes on my ability down there. I think you once mentioned that of The Bunny as well.

    I favour doggie position for that reason, whether standing on the floor or kneeling on the mattress; I have to search for partners that accept that. Not all women are comfortable in that position, and for a variety of reasons. My most submissive partner was elated, and we never did it any other way. But several have insisted that it only happen very occasionally, not as a ‘regular thing’.

    • Standing? That is useful information, thank you!

      I suggested to The Bunny to try being on top so gravity might help pull the blood where it was needed, but it would not have occurred to me that being vertical would help.

      • Thud

        I wrote a long technical reply then erased it by accident. Sorry. I’ll try again. I have ED, so have studied what works better, and what doesn’t. The idea of standing isn’t a gravity thing; standing tenses the muscles that stop blood from draining out of the penis, thereby causing the erection to be firmer than otherwise.

        I have trouble maintaining an erection in missionary, or in any WOT position (where I lay on my back and the Woman is On Top of me). This disappoints some women, whereas there are others who felt very self-conscious on top of their male partners so wish to avoid WOT positions. The self-consciousness came out of things like their breasts swaying or them feeling like they couldn’t maintain successful coital alignment, or in reverse cowgirl they didn’t like their anus looked at. It helps to talk about these insecurities

  3. Thud

    You may find the erotic art of Edouard-Henri Avril intriguing. Many of his works depict one or the other partner with their feet on the floor in various sex positions. Or go to Wikipedia and look at the Erotic Art page as a starting point. Thanks to tablets its now easier than ever for partners to peruse erotic art “in bed”

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