So, when I saw The Bunny the other day, we did some shopping (he bought me a silicone dick to fuck him with) and went back to his place and (eventually, after watching a DVD and me taking a brief nap) got down to business. We started making out, and when I began to get rough, he asked for gentleness. “All used up from the play party last night?” I asked. He said no, that’s not it, he just wanted gentleness that day.
He may have been lying when he claimed not to have been too messed up from the play party to indulge my sadism. Probably he was trying to stave off jealousy…it turns out not only did Rope Girl play with him as planned, but another woman did, too (and a third one expressed interest, but if I recall correctly she never actually got around to acting on it). Hearing that at a time when he has not played with me for weeks was kind of a lot to deal with. Although underneath my jealousy, the idea of him being passed around like a little slut kinda turned me on. I did not expect to feel that way. It’s interesting.
If residual pain wasn’t the only thing standing between me and sadomasochism, though – if The Bunny really just didn’t want to play like that with me, when he’d clearly been in the mood for it from all comers the night before – I’d have to wonder why. Feels a bit like I should be taking it personally, y’know?
Anyway, I fucked The Bunny’s ass until it got so intense for him that he needed me to stop. Then we mutually decided to switch to PIV, but he couldn’t get it up.
This…freaks me out a bit. Used to be The Bunny would orgasm multiple times during our encounters, but that hasn’t happened in ages. First his wonky libido and now this…I know that sometimes genitals don’t work the way we want them to, but this erectile issue in conjunction with him never wanting to play anymore (but playing with others!) is giving me the creeping dread. I seriously wonder if he’s having some kind of issue or hidden resentment with me that’s making him not want to be intimate with me. If he is, I don’t trust him to even realize it on a conscious level; if he isn’t, me going “You have a problem with me, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?” would probably scare his erections away all on its own. So I don’t really feel like I can say anything. I guess I’ll just wait a bit and see if anything changes.
Also, on a whole other note, he was way over obsessed with his dick problems. As soon as it became clear that he was having a bit of an issue, I figured maybe he was just feeling overstimulated or too pressured to perform. So I was like “Meh, don’t worry about that. Focus on me instead,” and I handed him the Hitachi. Meaning: concentrate on giving me orgasms and don’t worry about your dick. Maybe if we come back to it later it’ll decide to cooperate. But he kept jerking off while using the Hitachi on me, and as soon as he got halfway hard, he put the vibrator aside and tried to put his penis in me again.
Funny story: it didn’t really work – he would bend each time he thrust – and when he jokingly said “Oh, pushing me out, eh?” I scoffed and told him he had no idea what I was actually capable of. And then I sharply flexed my Kegel muscles and sent his half-erection shooting out of me like a goddamned bullet. He was startled and impressed, and crammed himself awkwardly back into me and asked me to do it again. I did, and accidentally pushed out a loud fart at the same time. “Well, that was pretty much to be expected,” I said, sheepishly.
But yeah. Sex was a no-go, despite The Bunny interrupting our Hitachi-ing activities like four different times to try to get inside me again. He said that something about the pegging had tired out his Kegel muscles and those assist him in the inflation process. I”ve never heard of a guy having to clench his taint to bring on an erection, but whatever, I don’t have a penis, I don’t know.
The Bunny got me off with the Hitachi twice and, when I asked if there was anything I could do for him, declared his penis done for the night (no jerking off, no nothing; totally kaput). We snuggled and watched some YouTube videos about koala bears (the topic came up for some reason and we both realized we’ve never seen one walking. Only clinging to a tree. So we had to do some research.) Then – rather early, it seemed to me – he politely kicked me out. And didn’t walk me to the bus stop as he often does.
He also hadn’t offered me food at any point, and we’d hung out for like eight hours altogether. It’s hard not to perceive these little things as slights – as a taking-back of niceties he’s provided before, perhaps as some kind of message to me. But the first part of our day involved him paying for a transit day pass for me so we could go shopping; he bought me a $70 dick to fuck him with and would have bought me some sexytimes clothing if anything I’d tried on had fit. So that’s a pretty clear indication that he’s invested in future naked fun with me, right? I even asked if we should keep the new dick at his place or mine and he encouraged me to take it home. So even though it’s a model that’s been used on him in the past and he bought it because he knows he likes the size and feel, he did buy it for me and not strictly for him.
I am trying my best to reframe my relationship with The Bunny as a FWB thing (which is is probably what he thinks it is, anyway) rather than a quasi-romance. I think I can do that. Except if he keeps on being wonky around the idea of sex and kink, there won’t be any B in the equation.