Y’know, while it was actually happening, I interpreted The Bunny’s plan of snuggling in bed as ignoring the issue I told him I was having. Only after writing everything out and thinking about it have I fully realized that he probably thought he WAS addressing things. I told him I needed to be the initiator of sex, and he responded by making himself available but waiting for me to approach. He made an effort. It’s something.
But he still seems infuriatingly clueless to me for thinking he could erase all those weeks of meanly rebuffing my advances by being all “come-hither” on that particular day. Srsly, Bunny? You think “No, see, my mood swings happened to pendulum in the opposite direction today!” is a valid long-term strategy for making me feel safe again?
Oh god…maybe he doesn’t think that’s supposed to magically fix everything. Maybe his plan is to make our sex life go that way every time. Like, not use his words or learn to reject me gracefully, but just telegraph it really loudly when he’s up for some fun so I’ll take the hint and jump him. Which would still fucking boil down to me being passive and him having all the control. I can’t tell you how much that kills my boner.
Wonky though our sex has been for the past while, The Bunny and I continue to text each other dozens of times a day. He’s my go-to guy for rambling about the minutiae of my day, and I’m assuming it’s mutual. It’s been wonderful feeling like I have someone moving through life with me in tandem. If I dump him, the texting withdrawal is gonna be brutal.