Wow, The Bunny is great. And also adorable.
Anecdote the first: I posed for a suuuuuuper strenuous class recently. The Bunny and I had had plans for him to sleep over the next night, but I was still so sore and burned out that I just didn’t have it in me to be a good host (or to fuck him, for that matter…dammit). It’s too bad, because I really could’ve used his massages and touching in order to feel less sore and get better sleep, but I just really couldn’t handle the whole “host” thing that would go with it: feeding him, being a good conversationalist, thinking of things to do to keep him entertained, etc. I texted him that afternoon:
Me: So, I am ridiculously sore and exhausted. Can we postpone visits til later this week? Tues or Wed night maybe?
Bunny: No problem, madame!
Me: [thumbs-up emoticon]
Bunny: Unless you want me to come give a body massage like a gentleman caller.
Bunny: I won’t stay overnight to allow you rest, but I can still give a sensual massage.
Me: I think that’s exactly what I need. [New message] Why are you so awesome?!?
Bunny: Because women reject my advances?
Okay, that was a misstep on his part. Note to people trying to impress a significant other: if someone asks why you’re so awesome, either say some variation on “I just am,” or make it about them. Because WTF does “because women reject my advances” even mean? That he sucks up to all the women in hopes that they’ll like him? That he’s being super nice to me not because of anything to do with me in particular, but simply because I’m the only woman who likes him* and he’s desperate to hold on to that ego validation? What happens if he experiences a surge of popularity with the ladies, then?
But I think that remark was a bit of dumbassery that The Bunny didn’t think through, and not some big portent of doom for us, so I glossed over it. If he says similar things again I might call him out.
Anyway, he did indeed make the 45 minute trip to my apartment just to do nice things to my body for a couple of hours. And he brought over a package of Laughing Cow cheese triangles and a bottle of fruit smoothie, too.
I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again: as visual as I am, and as objectifying as I love to be with men, Clothed Male, Naked Female beats the everloving shit out of Clothed Female, Naked Male. People think that if one person is naked and the other is clothed, the clothed person has the power. I disagree; I think power is what you make of it. And lolling around naked while The Bunny lavished all his attention on me with his own body covered up made me feel plenty powerful (was he getting erections during any of this? Who knows? Who cares? His responses to me were irrelevant. His clothing put the focus back where it belonged: on me).
Once he’d thoroughly massaged my feet and legs, The Bunny moved up on the bed to rub my back and arms. My laptop was on the bed next to us, and I cued up some Futurama on Netflix. He’s not very familiar with Futurama, but I had a feeling he’d like it (and I was right; he kept laughing out loud).
Eventually, I ended up on my back with The Bunny spooned up to my side. He idly caressed my torso – including my pubes, but not going too low or being overtly sexual with it – but I definitely began to crave a happy ending on the massage. I passed The Bunny my Hitachi and he went to work with it.
Curiously, he went about this in a rather workmanlike way while continuing to watch Futurama over my head. Maybe a cursory kiss or two, when I tilted my face up expectantly. Knowing The Bunny as I do, I suspect his thoughts were: “I’m here to be selfless and awesome, and if I get sucked into having sexytimes it’s not gonna look as good.” And yeah, actually, he might have a point. Although if he could’ve managed to be a bit more passionate and less clinical (while still not advancing things any further) I would have preferred that.
I’m surprised I didn’t feel more hurt by The Bunny’s slight distance. Often, when I was married, Ex would give me hand jobs and the whole thing felt like a dental procedure or something; an unpleasant thing he was performing on me. Then again, Ex would only give me hand jobs after I’d begged for a substantial amount of time and probably also cried, and The Bunny had offered himself up as a tool for my enjoyment. So it really is a very different thing.
The Bunny brought me off with the Hitachi, I took a little break, and then I grabbed it myself and had a Round Two. Then I rolled over so my face was in The Bunny’s chest and just snuggled into his arms for a while as Futurama continued playing in the background.
After a while I looked up at him and said “Hey: you want me to do things to your penis?” (that phrase is our inside joke: we both agree that a lot of guys who call themselves subs are actually Bossy Bessies who are all “Do things to my penis now!!!”).
The Bunny was like “Nah, I’m good, thanks.” It’s too bad because I wasn’t just offering in order to be nice – I wanted to do stuff. The Bunny’s massages had recharged my batteries to a point where sexual interest was most definitely asserting itself. PIV would probably have exacerbated most of my sore muscles, but I could damn sure have gone down on him okay. But no, either he really wasn’t down for any activity, or he was still super committed to the idea of being a functionary who expects nothing for himself.
Shortly after that, we realized it was pretty late and he’d better go. Thanks to his ministrations, I slept far better than I would have had he not come over. Such a lovely boy.
The whole thing got me thinking again, though, about the way he just won’t get naked if he’s not in the mood for sex. I mean, there are times when I’ve asked him to take his clothes off and he said no, and we didn’t end up doing anything sexual, so presumably his not being in the mood meant that he wanted his clothes to stay on. It’s never been clear to me why that is, though. So, a few days later, Anecdote The Second:
Me: So hey, it seems like when you’re not up for sex, your pants stay on. Y U no like recreational nudity, Bunneh?
Bunny: :O What are you insinuating!
Me: Just curious if disinterest in sex also means disinterest in nekkid snuggles, or if you interpret a request for pantslessness as a request for sex (it isn’t always) or if it’s not *disinterest* in sex but rather not enough energy for it and you don’t wanna get tempted into it because too much work…or something else entirely.
Bunny: Oh, didn’t even think about clothing. [New message] Even at home I’m in boxers as a minimum. You and I view nudity different.
Me: How do you view it? And how do you think I do? 🙂
Bunny: You like and embrace your nudity. You’d totally go everywhere in underpants (for sanitation) if you could. [New message] The other people I’ve dated really haven’t been so free about bein’ naked. Nor have I really said to the ladies when they come over “strip down.”
Me: Meh. I like being *comfortable*. I don’t like being stared at or leered at. So probably no to underpants *everywhere*. [New message] p.s. If I had dangly junk I’d probably wear underwear around the house, too.
Bunny: But if we had a society that didn’t leer and stare at naked people you would go naked.
Me: …Maybe. [New message] But yeah, skin-to-skin contact majorly recharges my batteries when I’m not feeling my best. And I like eye candy. So my policy on gentleman callers tends to be “take it all off as soon as you cross my threshold.”
Bunny: I forget that because it’s a very rare or unexpressed trait in ladies. Seriously a lot of women aren’t very “get naked now.”
There’s an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry’s dating a woman who’s naked all the time – like I guess after sex she just never bothers putting her clothes back on, so she lounges in the living room and reads the paper and has breakfast and all that stuff…naked. Jerry tells this to George and George is like “Wow! I’ve had bedroom naked and walk-to-the-bathroom naked. I’ve never had living room naked!” I thought that was a t.v. exaggeration, like how people on t.v. almost never use the bathroom unless it’s an actual plot point, or how people’s apartments on t.v. are always unrealistically large and clean. I figured in real life surely there must be lots of people who don’t bother putting on clothes at home, especially after sex. You’re already naked; you’re in a private place; why generate pointless laundry? Seriously! But maybe it is rare. Or maybe The Bunny has had odd luck. Pretty sure most of my long-term partners have been nudists around the house just like me. I had a FWB once who always insisted on putting his boxers back on practically the second sex was done, and that stood out to me as terribly odd.
I also think it’s a damn shame that more women haven’t told The Bunny, point-blank, to “strip down” – like the doffing of clothing only happens when it’s clear that sexytimes are beginning. That’s just bizarre to me. He’s so pretty! Who wouldn’t want to have as much naked Bunny as possible?
Anecdote The Third: last night The Bunny texted me that he’d had a development that “will require my input and considerations.” Unfortunately, I didn’t see this text until (I guess) after he’d gone to bed, because I texted back “tell me!” and got nothing. I assumed this “development” was probably of a polyamorous nature, and not knowing exactly what it was bugged me a bit. Was he wanting to arrange a second threesome-type thing with Chibi, maybe? Or had someone else asked him to go someplace at a time when we were supposed to see each other and he was looking for permission to bail on me? I mean he never consulted with me over hooking up with Chibi in the first place, so I’m assuming if he needs to talk to me about something it’s because it affects me directly. But then again, the last time The Bunny freaked me out with a “we have to talk about something,” it was that RopeGirl wanted to do a spanking scene with him – which I didn’t care about at all. So who the hell knows.
I mostly kept my paranoia under control, and went to bed. This morning:
Bunny: [Name] from FetLife has asked me if I have an interest in being a rope bottom for her.
Oh. Is that all? I’m surprised The Bunny would even ask my permission for that. Like I said, he certainly never consulted with me over hooking up with Chibi. But oh, wait…I told The Bunny once that I’m pretty okay with poly in general, but the idea of a sub/bottom of mine subbing to someone else still gives me the feels. Chibi is a switch and I expect that The Bunny hooked up with her figuring he could top her (that we ended up both beating him in tandem at a play party was a total non sequitur). This chick from FetLife specifically wants to tie him up, and so he’s dutifully asking how I feel about it.
How I feel about it is just fine, actually. If he were subbing to someone else, that would bother me – especially since he doesn’t seem able to sub for me very effectively, contrary bastard that he is. But just bottoming – especially to rope, which won’t leave him too sore for me to beat if I see him soon after – y’know what? I don’t think I care. Also, I know rope is a huge kink for The Bunny. For me, it isn’t – rope is just means to an end (the end being immobilizing him so I can do shit to him) and I’d just as soon immobilize him using something fast like wrist and ankle restraints. I’ve been feeling kinda guilty that I haven’t been giving him the amount of rope-attention he probably wants. So my response to his news of finding a rope top:
Me: Yay! More attention for boy. 🙂
Bunny: Oh my, didn’t expect that reaction! But sounds like ye are warm to the idea.
Me: Well yeah. You like being tied up.
Bunny: I do. I suspect she’s looking to do more fancy work, possibly suspension later.
Me: And I feel bad that I”m too poor (and often too lazy) to attend [$20 open rope practice event] and similar.
Bunny: She initially asked me about [other $20 rope practice event], but that’s not feasible given my working Sundays**. [New message] My primary concern is me learning with someone else attending classes/open practices, but you’ve voiced that stance. [New message] I will be talking with her Friday, so I’ll have a better idea then, but I am not going to sideline us for her.
Me: That’s all I ask. 🙂
We got off on a tangent about other things. Then, after a lull:
Bunny: Do ye have any other concerns with me potentially bottoming for another in terms of rope?
Me: Not that I can think of. I mean aside from the “Eeeek don’t start liking her more than me” that happens anytime a partner starts seeing someone else (and that usually fades quickly)***. [New message] Really, when you said she’s into complex stuff and suspensions my first thought was “Ooooh, maybe she can tie you up for me to use as a piñata.”
It’s actually kind of a load off my mind that The Bunny is going to get some of the ropework he craves. I’ll admit, though, it helps that I’ve seen this woman’s profile and it says that she’s in a relationship with a dominant already, and it’s open in theory but she really doesn’t go jumping into sexual stuff or play very quickly with anyone. She’s extremely choosy. So most likely (at first, anyway) she’ll get The Bunny all hot and bothered with rope and I will reap the benefits. 😀
I have seriously not had enough time with that boy…or actually I think the issue is that work stress is killing his libido. Used to be I’d sleep over and he’d end up getting off like five times during our stay together; these days I’m lucky if I get one orgasm out of him (although he always makes sure I’m satisfied). I’m surprised, in a way, by how much I crave The Bunny’s cock and orgasms. I thought I was a pretty selfish person, bedroom-wise. Actually, wait, I am selfish – I’m not wanting to give him orgasms for his sake, I’m wanting him to have them so I can see him squirm and hear all his hot sounds. But the fact remains that his cock is the ideal shape and size for me and whenever I see him there’s this huge collision of conflicting urges inside my head. I want to go down on him – hopefully to completion, because I haven’t managed that with anyone in years and I did get The Bunny pretty close before – and I want PIV. And I also want to fuck his ass and see if I can give him a prostate orgasm. Or, failing that, fuck his ass and jerk him off at the same time. I want to do all the things, is what I’m saying, and with his refractory period suddenly going way up, I always feel like I have to choose just one thing and it sucks. I miss our marathon sessions where I got to indulge everything I felt like doing and watch him come over and over.
*Or…one of the only women who likes him, or something…I have no idea how often, or even whether, he’s still seeing Chibi. She brings up slightly jealous feelings for me so I haven’t been asking how that’s going, choosing instead to focus on how things are going between The Bunny and me.
**The Bunny once took a Sunday off so he could go to that event with me. I find it heartening that he’s not rushing to do the same with someone else. It’s probably un-poly of me but my gut reaction here is “HA! I WIN.”
***This is me trying to make myself more vulnerable. Holding back all of my anxiety stuff to a point where The Bunny didn’t even know I had it was not a good strategy. The same exact thing is what killed my relationship with The Pedant, I think: I kept trying to be cool about things that were bugging me, over and over and over again, until suddenly things built up past the fixable point. So I’m trying to have better boundaries now. I’m trying to strike a balance between working through my emotional shit and employing The Bunny’s help and reassurance.