Just for posterity, here is a conversation that just happened with The Bunny via text. I’d been asking him to make me a voicemail (i.e., call and wank so I can get off to his sounds later). He will not be able to do that for a while because reasons. But I was still feeling frisky.
Me: Annnnd yeah. Now I need to wank. Let’s see who’s done first: the salmon I just put on the stove, or me.
Me [less than a minute later]: …I win. [New message a minute after that] Now I win twice. [New message] Which doesn’t even make sense because salmon can’t be done cooking more than once.
Bunny: I’m sure it feels really bad now.
Me [all revved up from coming]: I want to taste your cock. [New message] …No, I wanna punch and bite you. [New message] No, the cock thing. [New message] No, wait…sleep.
Bunny: Food, then sleep.
Me: Yes. [New message] And perhaps, one day, cock tasting! [New message] …For a very, very extended period of time. [New message] …While you’re tied up with stockings shoved in your mouth*.
Bunny: As you request.
Me: Oh, the sacrifices you make.
Bunny: I’m such a sexual martyr.
Me: Other boys should thank you for enduring my monstrous appetites so that they don’t have to.
And then…well, okay, I’ve been wondering a lot about whether The Bunny ever fantasizes about me when I’m not around. I know he watches porn (and often shows me some when I’m over visiting! Ostensibly because there’s something I’d find either hilarious or intriguing, but my asshole anxietybrain has other thoughts on the subject…). And the last time I was over, when he was jerking off and I was trying to say stuff to turn him on, I said “You know I’ve gotten off to thoughts of you, like, hundreds of times now, right?” and that statement didn’t seem to arouse or even surprise him. He just nodded matter-of-factly. Which makes me wonder if the thought of me getting off isn’t sexy to him, which in turn makes me wonder if most things about my sexuality are only interesting to him in the moment and not otherwise.
So for seriously weeks now I’ve been waffling back and forth on asking The Bunny if he jerks off thinking about me, ever. But if he said “No,” I’d be kinda crushed (especially since he’s my main wank fantasy these days). But how likely is it that he doesn’t think of me, really? Isn’t it pretty natural to mentally revisit hot sex you’ve had, at least sometimes, while you’re jerkin’ it? But on the other hand Louis CK has a comedy routine about this and he’s like “I could imagine I’m fucking literally anyone in the world right now! Why would I picture someone I’ve already had?!” And when I told him I’ve jerked off to him hundreds of times he didn’t say “I do the same thing but with you” or anything like that…argh.
Today I decided to just state my feelings. No question mark. The Bunny could easily avoid the bait if he wanted to, or if he did decide to answer the implied question, and his answer wasn’t one I’d like, he’d know my feelings already and know to be tactful. So:
Me: I hope you jerk off to thoughts of me sometimes and not only porn. I’d feel weird if the situation were unequal. 😛
Bunny: Of course I do think of you.
Me: PRAWR. ❤
He could’ve been lying, of course. But in my experience, The Bunny is way more likely to deflect away from a hurtful truth than to cover it with a lie. Also it does make sense to fantasize about the person you’re fucking, dammit!
So I feel better now.
*I’ve often joked that most newbie submissive guys think “being dominated” means being tied up and blown because that’s what keeps happening in porn. It pisses me off guys who think they want to submit to a woman so often expect this to take the form of lying back and receiving orgasms from said woman. Buuuuut, by a stupid coincidence The Bunny has a cock I really like doing mouth-stuff to. And I like when he’s tied up because it makes me feel like he’s been presented to me, helplessly, to act upon in whatever way I wish (and I’ll admit, this hypothetical future blowjob would probably include multiple hiatuses for hitting and biting him because a hot helpless boy brings out teh violence in me…). And this blowjob will happen when I want it to – even if he’d rather be jerking off or doing PIV at that moment. Context is everything.