Holy shit holy shit holy shit. So much to process.
The short version of the story is that I spontaneously teamed up with another woman tonight to tease and torture The Bunny, and that’s…a little more poly than I’ve ever been before. It’s bending my brain a little bit.
The long version:
There’s this woman – I’ll call her Chibi because she is small and cute – that The Bunny and I met a while back at a munch. Sweet, friendly person; we both friended her on FetLife after. And apparently The Bunny has been talking to her online since.
So The Bunny and I had plans to go to a play party tonight, and The Bunny mentioned that he and Chibi had spontaneously hung out earlier and she was going to tag along to the party, too. Okay, no problem. The Bunny also said that maybe Chibi would be into helping me fulfill my fantasy of being caressed and petted by two people at once. I asked if he had any concrete reason to believe she’d want to touch me (wishful thinking doesn’t count) and he indicated that she generally spoke highly of me and seemed intrigued by me. I told him that I wasn’t sure how I felt about the position of Second Petter being filled by a woman, and The Bunny understood.
I met up with Chibi and The Bunny and we headed to the play party venue. Actually, I hugged and kissed The Bunny hello and Chibi half-jokingly protested “I wish I could get a greeting like that!”…hmmm. Maybe she is into me. Anyway I hugged her and kissed her cheek, more as a sort of apology for possibly making her feel left out than anything.
At the party, Chibi went off to say hi to some other people she knew. The Bunny took this private moment to tell me that she’d never seen a Hitachi Magic Wand in person before so he’d shown her his that afternoon. I said “Showed her, or…showed her?” – not really expecting it to be the second one since The Bunny doesn’t seem to have fantastic luck with women. But no, he grinned and said “showed her,” thus slapping me upside the head with the knowledge that I’d been unwittingly hanging out with a woman he’d gotten off just hours before.
I felt…perturbed. Mostly because The Bunny and I had been planning on going to this thing for a while now and my knee-jerk reaction was that Chibi was taking away time and attention that belonged to me. But when I thought they were totally platonic I didn’t mind her tagging along, and she acted platonic with him on the way there, sitting kitty-corner to The Bunny and I on the bus as we snuggled up to each other. At the moment she was off socializing, not hanging around trying to monopolize his attention. So it was really just the surprise factor that was bugging me – plus the deeply ingrained cultural training that if my partner likes someone else, it’s supposed to diminish me somehow and I’m supposed to feel jealous. I didn’t feel particularly diminished or jealous, mind you. But I don’t have any experience with these situations so my brain kind of didn’t know how to feel.
The Bunny and I played for a while; then I went and sat on the couch and he knelt on the floor and began massaging my feet. A little while later Chibi flopped down next to me, leaning companionably against my shoulder. She either put her feet in The Bunny’s lap alongside mine, or he pulled them there (I think the latter) and The Bunny allotted one of his hands to each of us and kept going with the massages and pets.
Chibi was being flirty and friendly with me the entire night, btw, which may have helped me not to feel jealous or excluded. It didn’t feel like she was targeting The Bunny in any way or trying to peel his attention away from me or anything. I think when he began massaging her feet she even told him he’d better make sure he gave equal attention to both of us. Oh, and The Bunny sorta subtly urged Chibi in my direction (laying some groundwork in case I did decide to get my two-petters fantasy fulfilled, I guess). So, y’know…I felt pretty included in the festivities.
Back to our story: Chibi and I were side by side on the couch in front of the kneeling Bunny, flopped against each other and gasping/moaning a bit sometimes as The Bunny touched our various favourite spots on our feet and legs. And The Bunny was looking at us as though he couldn’t even believe his luck. And it’s not even like we were doing anything pleasurable to him (yet); he’s just so into pleasing his partner that this simple and relatively minor thing of making two women moan at once was sending him over the freaking moon. And he hadn’t even hinted at wanting us to double-team him, even though I know that’s a fantasy of his; if anything he was hoping that he and Chibi could team up to please me and grant my fantasy.
But for various reasons, I wasn’t up for being petted simultaneously by Chibi and The Bunny just then. And so, a few minutes later when Chibi turned to me with an evil grin and said “What else should we make him do for us?” I said “Well…we could switch it up and both do things to him…” – partly because I honestly couldn’t think of any other feasible and effective ways for The Bunny to multitask, partly because The Bunny is so sweet, and has been so lovely about doing the sexual and sadomasochistic things that I want – that I wanted to reward him.
Chibi was okay with the idea of us ganging up on The Bunny. Simultaneously, we slid to our knees in front of the couch so the three of us were all on the same level. The Bunny peeled off his shirt, leaving his boxer briefs on. There was a slight awkward pause, none of us knowing what to do, the two of them possibly worrying that if they went too far with each other I’d get mad. Then the topic of biting came up somehow and I complained that The Bunny’s skin is so smooth and tight I can’t get a grip in most places. “What about here?” she asked, indicating his pecs. “Oh, yeah, that’s one of the few places that actually works,” I said, and then I think I invited her to try it. So we ended up biting him for a while, mostly on the chest but also on the back and arms a little bit. We threw in caresses, too.
One of the highlights of this threesome, for me, happened around then: Chibi started gnawing on The Bunny’s lats, and I announced “I’m going to catch your sounds in my mouth” and started kissing him. Either this turned The Bunny on even more or he felt more uninhibited knowing that my kiss would muffle his vocalizations, but he moaned way harder than before. And sort of tried to pull back from me, in an “I am overstimulated from all the things and don’t know how to handle this” way, but I clamped a hand on the back of his head and kept him there, kept his mouth on mine. So fucking hot.
Chibi wound down with her biting and switched to petting instead, and I lazily broke off the kiss and started biting The Bunny’s other side. To my surprise – I’d sort of thought Chibi would stay one degree removed during all of this, in acknowledgement that I was The Bunny’s official date and I am his main partner – Chibi grabbed The Bunny’s face and started kissing him. It was jarring to witness this – again, my heteronormative training was screaming “YOU SHOULDN’T LET THIS HAPPEN.” But I let it pass. Most times lately that I feel jealous or weird about a partner liking or interacting with someone else, the weirdness goes away on its own – I just have to wait it out. I assume this will be no different. It helped that The Bunny reached out, blindly, to run his hand up and down my back as they kissed. I was never shut out, I was never a third wheel.
I twisted The Bunny’s nipple, making him yelp into their kiss, and murmured to Chibi, “That’s right, catch all his sounds.” And I started free-associating quietly to both of them – things like “We can’t have the nice people disturbed by all the yelling, now, can we? We need to silence this boy” – all the while doing ouchy things to The Bunny to make him scream. This, too, was kind of hot.
Shortly after that came another highlight of the evening for me: Chibi commented on the way The Bunny will sometimes flinch away from something even though he actually likes it. “He’s like that with his ears,” I said. “A tongue in the ear makes him crazy, but he always whips his head away from me so I can’t do it for long. But…if he got it in both ears so he couldn’t move without headbutting someone and hurting them…he’d have to hold still.” Chibi grinned at me in understanding, and we moved in on The Bunny simultaneously. As predicted, The Bunny held perfectly, carefully still for fear of hurting one of us by thrashing (in a way it was like predicament bondage!), and made a keening sound like his head was about to explode. RAWR.
Then someone brought up the fact that The Bunny had brought three different riding crops to the party. It was agreed that Chibi and I would gang up on The Bunny for some impact play. He suggested that he be tied up for this; he tied his legs in a jacknifed position, then flipped onto his knees and had me tie his arms and secure them to the ceiling above his head. Then he asked to be blindfolded, and I complied.
And then…Chibi and I basically played The Bunny like an instrument for I don’t even know how long. Sometimes we thwacked different areas of his body at the same time. Sometimes one of us would use our riding crop on The Bunny while the other kissed and caressed him. Chibi and I worked together in almost complete silence – sometimes one or the other of us would ask The Bunny how he was doing, but that was the extent of the talking. Only afterwards did I realize we hadn’t done any negotiation of this scene at all, really, aside from “let’s both hit The Bunny with riding crops at the same time.” The Bunny told me afterward that it was quite amazing how well Chibi and I worked together. Chibi told me afterward that she’d noticed the lack of negotiation earlier, and was following my lead so as not to overstep The Bunny’s limits. So, it’s not clear to me whether Chibi and I have really complementary styles, or if she was just copying me. At any rate, it worked out.
One thing on my mind during all of this was that perhaps in some ways the scene echoed something you’d see in porn – two women grinning evilly at each other and asking “what shall we do with this boy?” and all of that. I hate the idea of doing something in public that might make some douchebag think his assumptions or campy fantasies are true* – in this case, the idea that women would get turned on by lavishing attention on a guy at the same time. I suppose some people might, but to me it doesn’t make sense. I’m dominant. If I have to work around someone else during a scene, or wait my turn, I don’t feel in control.
And indeed, the fact of sharing The Bunny didn’t turn me on in and of itself. If I’d had him to myself, I could’ve beaten him for twice as long, and had full control over what-all was happening to him and when. I will say this, though: both of us doing painful shit to him at once got The Bunny into a state of euphoria (subspace?) that I don’t believe I’ve ever gotten him to on my own. I think he needs to be overwhelmed by sensation – not in the sense of doing something super hard to him, but in the sense of a lot of shit happening to him at once – in order to get to that space of really letting go. So I got to help make him scream in ways I’d never seen him scream, and see him just completely zoned out and undone, and that was beautiful. Ganging up on him wasn’t entirely a boring “service topping” thing for me, after all. I got to see a side of The Bunny that was new to me.
When The Bunny finally said he thought we’d better quit, I untied The Bunny’s hands from the ceiling joist, asking Chibi to stand by and hold his shoulders in case he keeled over once released (another benefit to group play – having a spotter!). I took off The Bunny’s blindfold and he sank limply onto his side – his head on Chibi’s lap – with his eyes blank and his thighs shaking like they do when he’s experienced something physically overwhelming. I’ve paddled the shit out of his ass and thighs as hard as I could for half an hour or more and he was still perfectly coherent and able to sit up afterward; this was a whole different thing. Chibi’s and my combined pain had taken him somewhere new.
Seeing him looking so helpless and lying in Chibi’s lap triggered one of the few definite pangs of jealousy I had that night** – I wanted to be wrapped so close around him and petting his face like she was. But then again I curled up in front of him and we were able to make eye contact, so it’s not like I didn’t get a piece of the intimacy.
After a while of Chibi and I snuggling and petting The Bunny, he softly said “Thank you both” in an unsteady, awestruck voice. Soon after that we realized that it was late and we could hear most of the other people leaving, so we clambered up and started getting our stuff together. The Bunny kept hugging and kissing each of us in wee little explosions of gratitude; it was adorable. When Chibi ducked into the washroom, The Bunny hugged me some more and said “Now we really have to find you your second boy.” He meant for the co-petting I want. “We sure do,” I agreed. And then I just felt this huge wave of love for The Bunny roll through me. I couldn’t bring myself to say the actual L-word again knowing he wouldn’t say it back. I did murmur “you know I absolutely adore you, right?” and he murmured back “very much.”
Then I had to pee and when I came back, The Bunny was using his fake-grouchy tone to fake-complain that Chibi referred to him as a boy. “I’m a man!” he said, striking a pose of exaggerated bravado. I said “Well, if you weren’t a man before, you sure as hell are now! I think Chibi and I made you a man today. It’s like we gave you a kinky bar mitzvah – no – a bite mitzvah!” and we laughed and laughed at the idea. Then The Bunny went to the bathroom and Chibi and I smiled and made slightly awkward “well tonight sure was different” small talk with each other. We agreed that co-topping had been fun and that we worked well together. I resisted the urge to offer a high five.
On the way to the bus stop The Bunny still seemed out of it; his walk was a bit wonky and he had to ask Chibi what day it was. He apologized for all of this and we both instantly assured him that this was normal and he should take all the processing time he needed. I’m happy that she was so supportive, and also that she was so caring during our scene; checking in with The Bunny, taking cues from me about where to hit and how hard, petting him sweetly in-between causing pain.
At the bus stop, The Bunny gathered us both into his arms in another burst of gratitude and Chibi easily and immediately put her free arm around me, too (I never know what to do, with women; I’m always afraid they’ll think I’m hitting on them. Or uncertain, myself, what my intentions are…). I followed her lead and put my arm around her and we huddled like that for a few minutes (with Chibi making the requisite “this is awesome because my face is in your boobs” comment to me, just like the equally petite RopeGirl did the last time I hugged her).
On the bus, Chibi sat kitty-corner from The Bunny again, and out of a wish not to make her feel left out, I sat across from him instead of snuggled up next to him as I usually would. All of us equidistant. She said that although the night had been lots of fun, she sometimes envied The Bunny’s position (Chibi is a switch with masochistic tendencies). I said “Well, maybe one of these days we can make you the centre of attention.” Chibi’s face lit up. The Bunny looked intrigued. I wondered what I’d gotten myself into.
And that was my evening.
As you may recall, The Bunny and I were originally planning on me sleeping over after the party, but changed the sleepover date to Sunday in order to better fit his schedule. On one hand, sharing him tonight made me feel a wee bit insecure and I might have liked to have counteracted the unexpected third party-ness of the night with a bunch of one-on-one attention from him. On the other hand, I have a lot of emotions to process here and I actually really think it’s better I do that alone. I feel too likely to go into pointless histrionics right now – histrionics that would probably evaporate on their own with a bit of time and perspective. No need to talk out my insecurities with The Bunny until I’ve let them settle enough to know what, if anything, actually needs addressing.
I’m looking forward to our sleepover even more now, though – the snuggles and the conversational rehash of recent events we’re destined to have. I think I’ll feel pretty stable and unjealous by then but I do think we need to talk over some ground rules about how to behave if an “Oh – my other partner is here, too” situation comes up in future. Plus I want him to understand that although I got some enjoyment out of the proceedings tonight, it’s not something I actively crave and he’d better not expect me to be teaming up with chicks all the time or anything. And I’m curious to hear what parts of the scene were the most fun for him, and to share mine. And to soak up the residual star-struck gratitude he’ll probably still be feeling.
*My horror of filling a stereotype is also one reason why I didn’t want to lie back and be petted by Chibi and The Bunny at once (even if she’d offered, which she didn’t). It feels like every woman in the whole fucking BDSM community here is bi and a switch; if people saw me moaning and twitching while a man and a woman touched me, they’d probably be like “Yup, par for the course. That chick we saw topping earlier is now bottoming, and also she’s into girl/girl stuff. Figures. That’s how all chicks are.” I kinda feel like it’s my responsibility to only be seen as dominant in public spaces so that I can help dispel the myth that women are all inherently submissive (or at least partly so, hence switching).
**The other was when she offhandedly mentioned that he’d cooked her some eggs during her visit that afternoon. Food equals love to me, and I thought it was an act of love for The Bunny to cook for people…so either I’d misread his intentions or he’s already feeling a similar level of affection for Chibi that he feels for me…probably most likely the first thing though.