Pent up

As I mentioned in my last post, naked snuggles are how I deal with stress – and I have been feeling stressed lately, for various reasons.

Also, I spent years and years treating sex as a simple, fast, goal-oriented task, but The Pedant gave me a taste for marathon-style sensuality.  Or rather, rekindled a taste for it; I do recall falling into hours of trancelike exploration with partners when I was younger.  But yeah…now “quickies” don’t usually do it for me.  Now I want an entire day of uninterrupted time with someone so we can snuggle and nap and hopefully get into the kind of glorious trance where we can do sexual and/or sadomasochistic stuff for hours and hours.  The Bunny has the added bonus of having a small refractory period; unlike The Pedant, he can orgasm and still be interested in further sexytimes and then orgasm again.  And maybe again.  And has said that even when he’s “done” he doesn’t mind continuing to get me off.

Honestly, if The Bunny and I have fewer than six waking hours together it doesn’t feel like enough time to get me where I wanna go.

But lately it seems like there’s never enough time – mostly on The Bunny’s end.  Like, I always think that if he invites me to sleep over, it means we’ll have that whole day together (because when I invite a boy to sleep over I’ve usually reserved the next day for him, and if I do have a place to go, I’ll say so).  I have learned the hard way that this is not the case: often we’ll wake up together and I’ll be looking forward to a whole day of snuggles and he’ll be like “Oh by the way I’ve got somewhere I need to be in two hours.”

The most recent incident was just now – we’re going to a thing together on Friday night, and I asked if he’d like me to sleep over after.  He said sure and then added “But we’ll have to be out by about 11am.”  ARRRRGH GODDAMMIT.  The event goes late enough that we’d probably be going to sleep as soon as we got back to his place, and 11am is early enough that we’d probably have to get ready to leave as soon as we woke up.  I acknowledge and appreciate that he’s making time to fit me into his apparently busy schedule, and being sleep-snuggled is a wonderful, wonderful thing – but at this point sleep snuggles would just painfully whet my appetite for more.  I need to lie down and be petted until I can’t think anymore.  I want that feeling of dissolving in sensation – drowning in it – struggling to stay conscious and form words.  I want to feel waves of goosebumps and endorphins breaking over me until I’m so giddy I begin to either laugh or cry – or both.

Plus movies.  And bed-picnics.  And naps.

When The Bunny told me I could stay over but would have to leave so early, I said I could live with that but really missed marathon nekkid times and hoped he could reserve me a whole day and night sometime soon.  I told him that naked snuggling is how I deal with stress.

He replied “Lol.  Yer forgetting Sunday already?” which is annoying because we didn’t make plans for Sunday.  The Bunny has like four consecutive days off this weekend, and we discussed doing stuff, but the discussion was like “Here are the kink events going on while I’m off work.  Are there any that you would like to attend?”  “I can do events A and C.  Not interested in event B, can’t attend event D because I’m posing that day.  But yeah, if you want to go to A and/or C with me, let me know.”  “I will.”

That was it.  No concrete plans; no invite to sleep over.  Just “Let’s discuss this later.”  I don’t know why the hell The Bunny thought we had concrete plans…but anyway I reminded of how the conversation actually went and he said okay, let’s skip event C and I can come over to his place Sunday afternoon and stay til Monday.  Oh good lord I hope he means he’s not doing anything on Monday.  It suddenly occurs to me that he may have missed my point and is just figuring that a chunk of Sunday and a chunk of Monday will add up to enough time for me.  Which it wouldn’t, but it would at least be enough to take the edge off so I’ll take it.  Better than going to his place just to crash, as in our initial Friday night plan.

So I said cool, let’s just go our separate ways after Friday night’s thing so he can get proper sleep before his social stuff on Saturday, and we’ll make Sunday/Monday our time.  He’s amenable to that.

God, I need this.  I need this so much.  I hate that my very, very best way to relieve stress/anxiety/depression requires another person. 😦

This chain of events is re-igniting my sporadic urge to go find more partners.  I can sometimes call on Minx in a pinch if I need pettings, and The Latent Heterosexual has occasionally helped me out (though he’s in a relationship now so I’m not sure if he’d be up for it anymore) but this is not good enough.  I need more resources to draw upon.

I did meet the 22 year old from a few posts back and we hit it off pretty well, so there’s some exciting potential there.  I keep meaning to blog about our date and then I don’t get around to it.  Hopefully soon.


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3 responses to “Pent up

  1. Andy

    Man, are you me? Everything in this entry completely hit home for me. I also get a huge craving for kink when I’m stressed and, likewise, there’s nothing more appealing to me than the thought of a huge block of time devoted solely to just dropping down into a pit of sensual pleasure. Of course, an hour of playing is better than no playing, but nothing beats a whole day devoted to just blissing out.

    Most people DON’T seem to feel that way though, so I’ve learned to deal with the metaphorical bucket of cold water I still can’t help but feel when I hear the equivalent of “But we’ll have to be out by about 11am.” I don’t think hearing that kind of thing is ever going to stop feeling like I’ve just slammed straight into a wall…but I’m learning to cope because it’s nobody’s fault and sulking at people about it only takes up valuable play time.

    And yeah, this: I hate that my very, very best way to relieve stress/anxiety/depression requires another person. Definitely feeling you on that. Can’t offer any advice, only commiseration.

  2. Thud

    Its a lot worse when one or both of you have to evade a partner to meet up !

  3. Pingback: Peeved | hiding in plain sight

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