The Bunny and I were supposed to celebrate my birthday this Friday. We didn’t have any firm plans – basically, I told him I was free in the afternoon/evening and he said he thought he was too but had to check.
Today he was all “so what are these birthday plans?” I asked him if we are in fact on for Friday (because he never did confirm). He said yes, he knows about the seeing each other on Friday part, he wants to know the details now of what I wanna do. I proposed coming to his place for about 2pm and he said he actually wouldn’t be home at that time because he had a photoshoot. (A friend is taking pics of him. To showcase his…beard? I don’t know. He didn’t explain coherently.)
I haven’t been sleeping well lately so I’m all kinds of fucked up. I honestly can’t tell whether The Bunny is being kind of a dick right now. I had said, originally, that I was free in the afternoon/evening if he wanted to get together, and he’d said he would check and then confirmed today that he was free. 2pm – the time I proposed coming over – is the afternoon. And he is not free. WTF?
Incidentally, I work first thing the next morning so I can’t be out late, and I find that when sexing is involved The Bunny and I need a lot of time. Six hours can blink right by. That’s why I wanted to come over at 2pm – so I could hang out over there until like 9pm and still get home in time to wind down and get a good amount of sleep. Although I didn’t say those things out loud so maybe he’s not a horrible person for not telling me he had these plans (and/or making them on a day when I wanted to see him; I’m not sure what the chronology is here).
Anyway, he said he should be home by 4pm and I told him, honestly, that I’m not sure what to do because usually when someone “stacks” time with me on top of another social engagement, I end up waiting around like an idiot while they intermittently text me that they’re almost done, they’ll be there soon, no, for real this time, etc.
He then invited me to come along on the photoshoot. My initial gut reaction was “Hey, he’s okay with me meeting his friends! That’s probably a good sign, relationship-wise.” Plus it would certainly eliminate the issue of me waiting around on his porch or something for him to be done and get his ass home. My second thought was “I haven’t been feeling too special lately and now, on my birthday celebration of all days, he’s inviting me along on a thing he was doing anyway.” Not that he’s replacing our together-time with this, mind you; I assume when photos are done we’ll go back to his place and we’ll focus on me. But still.
I have a thing about birthdays. I don’t expect or even really care about gifts, and I often don’t care that much about celebrating. But if you are close to me and I ask you to celebrate with me, I expect you to motherfucking do it unless there are extenuating circumstances. One day a year, I want my people to make a big effort to see me if I ask. I want them to make me a priority. One damn day a year.
I have ended friendships over someone pulling an “Oh, I’ve had a rough day at work, I don’t really feel like going out” on me the day we were supposed to go out for my birthday. This is a subject that puts me in turmoil.
Plus I’m feeling kinda vulnerable from having told The Bunny my feelings recently (even if he did think I was kidding, which I’m starting to think is the case), plus I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks…I’m just generally feeling prickly as all hell.
So, this thing where The Bunny can’t see me as early as I want because he’s doing a thing with a friend, which I don’t know if he scheduled before or after I said “let’s hang out Friday,” and now he’s invited me to come along – shitty or not-shitty? I have no perspective at all right now.