Birthday blues

The Bunny and I were supposed to celebrate my birthday this Friday.  We didn’t have any firm plans – basically, I told him I was free in the afternoon/evening and he said he thought he was too but had to check.

Today he was all “so what are these birthday plans?” I asked him if we are in fact on for Friday (because he never did confirm).  He said yes, he knows about the seeing each other on Friday part, he wants to know the details now of what I wanna do.  I proposed coming to his place for about 2pm and he said he actually wouldn’t be home at that time because he had a photoshoot.  (A friend is taking pics of him.  To showcase his…beard?  I don’t know.  He didn’t explain coherently.)  

I haven’t been sleeping well lately so I’m all kinds of fucked up.  I honestly can’t tell whether The Bunny is being kind of a dick right now.  I had said, originally, that I was free in the afternoon/evening if he wanted to get together, and he’d said he would check and then confirmed today that he was free.  2pm – the time I proposed coming over – is the afternoon.  And he is not free.  WTF?

Incidentally, I work first thing the next morning so I can’t be out late, and I find that when sexing is involved The Bunny and I need a lot of time.  Six hours can blink right by.  That’s why I wanted to come over at 2pm – so I could hang out over there until like 9pm and still get home in time to wind down and get a good amount of sleep.  Although I didn’t say those things out loud so maybe he’s not a horrible person for not telling me he had these plans (and/or making them on a day when I wanted to see him; I’m not sure what the chronology is here).

Anyway, he said he should be home by 4pm and I told him, honestly, that I’m not sure what to do because usually when someone “stacks” time with me on top of another social engagement, I end up waiting around like an idiot while they intermittently text me that they’re almost done, they’ll be there soon, no, for real this time, etc.

He then invited me to come along on the photoshoot.  My initial gut reaction was “Hey, he’s okay with me meeting his friends!  That’s probably a good sign, relationship-wise.”  Plus it would certainly eliminate the issue of me waiting around on his porch or something for him to be done and get his ass home.  My second thought was “I haven’t been feeling too special lately and now, on my birthday celebration of all days, he’s inviting me along on a thing he was doing anyway.”  Not that he’s replacing our together-time with this, mind you; I assume when photos are done we’ll go back to his place and we’ll focus on me.  But still.

I have a thing about birthdays.  I don’t expect or even really care about gifts, and I often don’t care that much about celebrating.  But if you are close to me and I ask you to celebrate with me, I expect you to motherfucking do it unless there are extenuating circumstances.  One day a year, I want my people to make a big effort to see me if I ask.  I want them to make me a priority.  One damn day a year.

I have ended friendships over someone pulling an “Oh, I’ve had a rough day at work, I don’t really feel like going out” on me the day we were supposed to go out for my birthday.  This is a subject that puts me in turmoil.

Plus I’m feeling kinda vulnerable from having told The Bunny my feelings recently (even if he did think I was kidding, which I’m starting to think is the case), plus I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks…I’m just generally feeling prickly as all hell.

So, this thing where The Bunny can’t see me as early as I want because he’s doing a thing with a friend, which I don’t know if he scheduled before or after I said “let’s hang out Friday,” and now he’s invited me to come along – shitty or not-shitty?  I have no perspective at all right now.



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17 responses to “Birthday blues

  1. lanfranchic

    I can’t really speak to his being a dick or not, but if someone says to me afternoon/evening I assume 4-5pm onwards. Earlier than that I would say ‘in the day’ and earlier than 12 I would say in the morning, because it is rare for me to meet anyone that earl.

    • Ah, so it’s a possible semantic issue.

      For whatever it’s worth, I also said I was available Wednesday evening/night. So afternoon/evening should sound earlier by contrast. Maybe.

  2. jnakabb

    It’d probably depend on actual wording, but I’d interpret the “/” as an “or”. Can’t make it in the afternoon ? Cool, we’ll catch up in the evening.

    Except, it sounds like evening is actually too late to start a catch-up – maybe afternoon AND evening might set the right expectations.

    Personally, I try to book out the whole day to acknowledge birthdays etc., although I do end up running short of leave by the end of the year. (#privilege #long-term-employment)

  3. I agree on the semantic issue – I would also interpret ‘afternoon/evening’ as after 4pm or so.
    Also, how demonstrative of the importance you place on it have you been about your birthday? Because I know I feel awkward making a bigger deal out of someone’s birthday than they seem to be, so maybe he’s feeling that too?

    • Yeah, maybe. I never specifically said that I have a huge complex about birthdays.

      For whatever it’s worth, I’d be kinda peeved if this even happened on a regular hangout day, though. I usually tend to reserve entire days for people unless they specifically say they can only pop by briefly. I don’t like stacking social engagements because I don’t want to end up in a position where I’m having fun with one person but can’t stay without slighting the next person.

      It is occurring to me that this philosophy is not universal and obvious like I’d previously assumed.

      • Andy

        I think both you and I are pretty fairly easy wiped-out by socializing. Certainly, I don’t have the spoons to shuttle around from one engagement to another. That said, someone having more than one thing to do in one day is completely separate from whether they will be late to their engagement with you. Frankly, in my experience, most people are either On Time People or Late People, no matter what they’re doing beforehand. I can’t remember if The Bunny has a tendency to be a Late Person. If he does, that is absolutely something to deal with. If he’s not and you express a wish to get together in the late afternoon (which is how afternoon/evening sounds to me), I don’t see anything wrong with him scheduling something for early afternoon. (This, for the record, is why about a month before my birthday, which is very important to me too, I loudly declare, “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH 😀 I HOPE YOUR CALENDAR IS CLEAR FOR [BIRTHDAY] BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE PAMPER ANDY DAY AND WE ARE GOING TO SPEND ALL DAY [TASTE-TESTING THAI FOOD/SHOPPING FOR A PONY/FANNING ME WITH PALM FRONDS/ETC. AS APPROPRIATE].” Feel free to adapt to your preferred activities. On a practical note, if you are frustrated by only having The Bunny for a few hours, I also find belated birthdays are just as lovely to celebrate. I assure you: 24-hours of tooth-rotting spoilings don’t feel any less good if they happen on the day after one’s birthday.)

        At this point, I think you are having your doubts about The Bunny altogether, so EVERY move he makes is getting put under the microscope and examined for motivations that may not be there. You’re writing your blog posts in paragraph form and managing to put down hundreds of (uncommunicated-to-The-Bunny) words about what you intend to convey with each ten-word text you send. Similarly, you’re drawing hundreds of words of flying-high-HE-LOVES-ME and completely-gutted-HE-LOVES-ME-NOT implications from each of his ten-word texts to you. As much fun as analysis is, I don’t think either of these behaviours is particularly helpful.

        I think you have to step back and try to determine why you’re seeing the implications you’re coming up with: are they based on your anxiety or are they based in reality? If it’s the former, you need to work on some more ways of coping with the anxiety–possibly with The Bunny’s help–and if it’s the latter, you need to *talk to The Bunny,* not your readers. I realize, having terrible anxiety myself, that asking someone to see their own anxiety is like asking someone to see the matrix, but I’m still going to propose it. Maybe you can spend some time with some of YOUR friends and The Bunny so they can provide an objective point of view regarding how he treats you. As hard as we readers try, we can’t quite manage that, since we see everything through your point of view.

        • Just for the record, I’m totally good with belated bday celebrations, too. My actual birthday isn’t on Friday. I said “Hey my birthday is coming up and I wanna do something with you in honour of it. I’m free on Wednesday evening/night or Friday afternoon/evening of this week. How ’bout you?” and he picked Friday. Which in some ways makes his multiple plans more baffling, ’cause I was flexible about days and he picked that one to see me.

          Good point on the “late person” vs. “on time person” issue. The Bunny tends to be a Late Person from what I can tell, which is why I do not trust this whole “multiple social engagements” thing.

          And I for real wanna get on anti-anxiety meds so I can see what the world looks like when I’m not totally fucked up.

          In the meantime maybe I can wrangle an outing with my people and The Bunny…although lately it feels like pulling teeth to even be able to see him myself, so who the fuck knows. He did meet my friend The Social Worker, who liked him.

          • Andy

            If you ever do get on anti-anxiety meds, I’d be interested in hearing if/how things are different because…yeah, anxiety is fun.

            Anyway, it’s Friday now so happy (belated, haha) birthday. I hope your plans with The Bunny work out.

            • If/when I get on meds I will so be live-blogging it.

              And thank you!

              As it happens, I got a last-minute modelling job I couldn’t afford to turn down, so I’ll have to miss going along on The Bunny’s photoshoot thing. But I’ll still get a home-cooked dinner and snuggles. 🙂

          • M

            Maybe he had previous plans on both days that you offered, and Friday was the easier one to do. Also – the discussion above about stacking plans – yeah, I do that all the time. From what I know it’s a common thing.

  4. Argentum


  5. Argentum

    Also, my guess is “not shitty”, but I’m typically biased towards making excuses for everyone. I would go along to the photo thing and ask if there will be time afterwards to do something private, special, and you-focused for your birthday.

    • I’ll probably go to the shoot thingy. If I don’t it’s because I’ve been having to go places early-ish in the day all week and I’m feeling kinda burned out.

      There will be time at his place in the evening, though, and he’s making me dinner.

  6. trillian

    Happy birthday postumus! 😀 How did things go?

  7. Happy belated birthday!

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