I’ve decided not to buy a bus pass for April – I’m not working enough to justify spending the money. Sadly, that means that every damn time I wanna go anywhere, I’ll be stressing about the “extra” cost of paying for public transit (rather than smugly thinking that I’m getting even more of my money’s worth out of my pass).
Today is the last day of March (a.k.a. my last day of freedom…) and I’m in the horndog week of my cycle. I just texted The Bunny asking if he’d like me to come over and sex him tonight. He replied that he has plans to get groceries and then make pie.
I was about to point out that it’s fully possible to prepare and bake a pie while one has a houseguest – and that one could fuck said houseguest while the pie is in the oven – but then realized (duh) if he really wanted to fuck me he would’ve already thought of that. Or else just moved his pie plans to another night. I done been rejected. Period.
It would be easier to deal with things like this if I didn’t constantly see guys (and sometimes even chicks) on FetLife trumpeting the idea that women have this enormous amount of power in dating and relationships – that men are so desperate for poon that all we have to do is snap our fingers and they’ll come running.
Not getting laid kinda sucks, but whatever; I’ll get off to The Bunny’s recent voicemail a few times and feel better. Not getting laid while people constantly tell me that I ACTUALLY AM getting laid, constantly, whenever I want, and I should feel thankful, however is increasingly difficult and self-esteem battering. The messages that Women Have Power Because Pussy and Men Will Fuck Any Vagina at Any Time are so prevalent that I sometimes feel like I’m going mad. Do other people live on a different planet than I do, or could that many people really be that oblivious to the way human beings actually interact with each other? If men really will fuck literally anything with a vagina, why won’t The Bunny fuck me, right now, when I’ve made it clear that I want him to? Why are men so eager to promote a stereotype about their libidos that’s blatantly untrue* and basically invests a huge chunk of their identity in their ability to get an erection? When I point out that sometimes I get rejected (for dates, for sex, whatever), do they think I’m lying about that, or dismiss me as the one exception to the rule, or is this a No True Scotsman thing and being rejected means by definition that I’m not really a woman, or…?
*Unless men really do reject me because I’m so undesirable as to seem subhuman, in which case I guess never mind.