Munch Guy

Btw, the munch I went to the other night was…interesting.  Remember how I was talking to a local sub online who came off kinda boring, but when I saw he was going to this munch I asked to go with him?  I figured it would be good to have a built-in conversation partner at the munch, and maybe he’d be more interesting in person.

He wasn’t.  I mean he basically seemed to have no idea how to even have a conversation – I would ask him something about himself, he would give me an answer that didn’t lend itself to further discussion, there would be a long awkward pause as I waited for him to say something else or even just ask me the same question in return, and he almost never did so I dredged up a new thing to ask.  Just torture.

But also, he was “under consideration” by another dominant (officially so; they are listed on each others’ profiles) and I saw on the events page that she would be at the munch, too.   “Oh,” I thought, “that’s potentially awkward.”  I’d been hoping for an official conversation partner to have my back all through the munch, so it kinda sucked to think that someone else he knew would be there, possibly taking up his attention and leaving me to fend for myself.

But it gets better.  I met up with Munch Guy at an easy-to-find landmark near the venue, and as we headed over together, I asked him how things were going with this other dominant.  He said they hadn’t met in person yet.  She wasn’t just going to this thing by coincidence; he had invited her to come out, for the specific purpose of finally getting to know each other face-to-face.

Now, I didn’t have any particular designs on Munch Guy beyond conversation; I’d be open to pursuing something D/s oriented if there was a spark there, but I figured chances of that were pretty slim.  This was very much just an “I want to go to this munch but I’m nervous to go alone so let’s operate on the buddy system” thing, for me.

He, however, seemed to have high hopes of us hooking up; the minute he started talking to this other dominant online, he dutifully messaged me to inform me that he was doing so – as though he assumed I had a stake in what he did, romantically or sexually – but pointed out that we’re all poly so a D/s relationship with her wouldn’t preclude him and I playing together.  He even made some comment about how awesome it would be to have two women in his life using his body as they wished.  Cool story, bro…

So from his perspective he had two different women he was hoping to hook up with, and he orchestrated it so we’d each be meeting him in person for the first time on the same night at the same event.  Poly or not, that just seems rude (I’d asked him to accompany me to the munch before he’d even begun talking to her; this means I had first dibs) and stupid (how is he going to make a good impression on either of us if his attentions are constantly divided?  Subquestion: is he Larry from Three’s Company?)

I got anxious, realizing this other woman would be there.  She’s officially “considering” him and her profile indicates that she takes herself wayyyyy too fuckin’ seriously; would she get all Domly McDomlypants any time he turned his attention my way?   I wasn’t even interested in him that way.  I soooo did not need that kind of drama…

I decided to abandon the idea that Munch Guy was my official social awkwardness buffer.   I would operate under the assumption that he was there with and for this other chick and enjoy my front row seat on their first interactions – because, for various reasons, I was pretty sure they wouldn’t hit it off.  I mean, she’s a bi chick who strongly prefers women over men, generally comes off as cold and distant (I can tell by her profile, but also The Bunny was seeing her briefly before we met and told me this), and has a “no intercourse” policy with male subs; he, by all appearances, is just a giant horndog looking for hot carnal kinky sex.  It’s too bad I’d have to fend for myself socially all night, but I might get to watch a pretty spectacular fail, so that might be fun…

In the end, there was much less drama than I’d feared/anticipated.  The other dominant, though definitely on the cool and haughty side, didn’t turn the evening into a bitchfight over who got custody of Munch Guy.  He and she made awkward small talk; he and I made awkward small talk; she and I made oddly less awkward small talk.  Some other people sat down near us and we all made chit-chat.

There was a discussion/presentation thing given by the organizer, and introductions all around, and an icebreaker exercise, after which everyone broke away from the whole sitting-at-tables paradigm and started standing up and talking randomly in clumps.  Munch Guy and his dominant went off and talked elsewhere and I somehow got stuck listening to the incoherent rantings of a woman I didn’t really want to be interacting with (she seemed to have something not-neurotypical going on, and such a speech impediment that I frankly had no idea what she was saying).  I excused myself to the washroom to escape.  When I returned, I ended up talking to some 70 year old dude because I accidentally made eye contact with him and he was standing alone.  There were other people in the room whom I wanted to get to know, but they were already in clumps and frankly I have no idea what the etiquette is there – do I just go stand in one of the clumps, or ask if it’s okay to join the conversation, or…?

So I talked to the 70 year old, who ended up being more interesting than he’d initially seemed (earlier in the evening, when everyone was sitting down, Munch Guy was on one side of me and 70 year old was on the other side.  His one foray into conversation with me had been spectacularly awkward and I had no idea what to say to him after that).  He did, however, ask me a lot of questions about what I was into kinkwise and how I realized I was into it.


Overall, though, it was a benignly pleasant night.

Oh!  Also!  Earlier in the evening, when most of us were sitting down, a couple of people were kinda circulating around introducing themselves.  One of these was a lady whom I immediately thought was one half of an awesome couple Minx and I met at Pride a few years back – but I’m awful at remembering faces so I dismissed this idea.  But she came around to talk to me and said I looked familiar, and I was like “This is a long shot, but were you at Pride like three years ago with a young man wearing a tutu and nothing else?” she grinned and gestured at her partner, whose hairstyle and overall look were so different I hadn’t recognized him.  It was them!  I’d found the awesome couple again!  We’d only spoken at Pride for like five minutes, but I’d felt an immediate connection, and now here they were.  I made a point of saying goodbye to this woman on my way out (I got the vibe that she’s the boss in her relationship and it would behoove me to focus my attentions on her more than her boy) and she asked to hug me.  We’re FetLife friends now. ❤

There are two epilogues to this:

1) Munch Guy’s prospective dominant friended me on FetLife a few days after the munch, along with sending me a really gushy message about  how she really hopes we can be friends, like actual friends who hang out in real life and stuff.  Was not expecting that.  I’m not averse to hanging out with her, although her chilly demeanour probably means we’ll never be besties or anything.

2) Munch Guy messaged me last night to ask if I wanted to play sometime.  I just…I can’t even.  I’m baffled.  We exchanged maybe twenty sentences of conversation the night we met.  There was no flirting, no innuendo, no discussion of anything beyond the most superficial of small talk; the awkwardness between us wasn’t sexual-tension awkwardness, it was just plain “I have nothing to say to this person whatsoever” awkwardness.  Does he not know what an actual connection is supposed to feel like?  And how does he think play would go down between us, exactly?  He’d come over and we’d make some more horribly stilted chit-chat and then…what, I’d just fling myself on him out of nowhere?  I wrote back thanking him but telling him I didn’t really feel chemistry when we met.

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