Funny how when I took full control over The Bunny’s orgasms, I could ask him to jerk off for me after a week or more of abstinence and he’d be like “Not now, don’t feel like it. I’ll get to it tomorrow, maybe.” But now that I’m simply asking him to hold off on jerkin’ it until I see him (which will have been one week of abstinence), he’s going absolutely mad. I don’t know if it’s his fundamental perversity coming through – sometimes I swear he’ll fight me on anything I try to make him do, just on principle – or if it’s the fact that he went and saw some kind of BDSM rope display/sexy show thing on his recent trip and it got him going. But yeah, he’s in a bad state.
Last night, after the events of the previous post:
Bunny: I wanna be fucking a woman in hot stockings. I’m so horny. [Just any woman? I don’t love how interchangeable that makes me feel, but okay, whatever.]
Me: Three more sleeps. 🙂
Bunny: Too long.
Me: What does being backed up feel like, to you?
Bunny: I just wanna release. I have a massive hard-on.
Me: Purrrrr. [New message] Are you prone to pitching tents more often than usual? [I love the idea of him getting constant, random, intrusive erections…]
Bunny: I’m just in a mood. The only cure is to orgasm.
Me: Are you saying that the current restriction is too much, for real? Or just telling me that it’s difficult?
Bunny: It’s difficult. [Ooooh, I offered him an “out” and he didn’t take it. 😀 ]
Me: And yet, you endure like a champ. 🙂
Bunny: I wanna masturbate. [New message] My drive to orgasm is making me crude. [New message] If I wet dream, it’s your fault. [New message] I also suspect sex would be quite brief at this juncture.
Me: Well, one of my main wank fantasies is premature ejaculation, so I have no issue. [New message] Also, hands-free or involuntary ejaculation. So if you DO have a wet dream…take a picture of the mess for me.
Bunny: What? How does premature work for you?
Me: Gee, you’re right…feeling like I”m so sexy my partner comes practically at the sight of me is awful. What was I thinking?
Bunny: Premature for a guy is like a failure to launch. But yeah, the occasional is not so bad.
Me: I wouldn’t want a dude to take two minutes every single time, but I like it to happen sometimes. [New message] and honestly I usually start to get sore after fifteen minutes or so anyway.
Tangent: I’ve heard before that boys are raised to believe they have to earn their value to the opposite sex through what they do, vs. girls who are raised that their value is intrinsic (their main valuable thing being virginity/inexperience/innocence) but can be lost if they’re not super careful. I think guys carry their “I have to earn it” attitude into sex – but somehow, the focus is all wrong*. They all seem to think they’ll get some huge badge for being able to move their penis around in my vagina for the longest time, and that concept is just completely foreign to me. Penetration is nice, but doesn’t give me orgasms (a thing I don’t exactly keep secret). And one of my favourite parts of sex is watching/hearing/feeling my partner come (also not a secret). Being nailed for an hour by a guy who’s concentrating on not feeling pleasure in order to last that long is just totally pointless to me and makes me sore, bored, and irritated.
My favourite sex ever was with The Pedant, who most of the time passively received my attentions rather than trying to impress me with his mad skills, but was incredibly responsive and had some big obvious “buttons” to push. I also have fond memories of partners who were excellent at reading what I wanted and giving it to me – usually in the form of their demeanour (coquettish/slightly frightened/etc.) or the way they got me off (not everyone pays attention when I tell them how to use their hand/mouth/a vibrator). But more often than not I’ll get involved with a guy who kinda bores me in bed because he’s too stoic and takes forever…and then it turns out he was taking forever on purpose because he thought it would impress me. Bleh.
I know The Bunny takes a while to come, anyway (even when he jerks off) but still, his incredulity over me liking premature ejaculation is surprising to me. He knows I don’t get off from penetration alone; he knows I get spectacularly turned on by his breathing and moaning sounds; doesn’t it actually make perfect sense that I might like to receive the happy sounds without all the associated effort and chafing?
Anyway. I told him why I like the idea of a guy coming quickly, and soon after that he needed to go to bed. The next morning:
Bunny: Even when I touch it a bit it leaks a lot. [Yes, he’s talking about his penis.] Ugh. It’s never been this bad.
Me: Now you’re teasing ME… [New message, a few minutes later] On Thursday shall I expect to ravish you first, then, before food or anything else?
Bunny: Yep. Fuck food. I need a fucking.
Me: Too bad you can’t be waiting naked on the bed with your legs frog tied. But then you couldn’t let me in. [“Frog tying” is when you double someone’s leg over and wrap rope around to immobilize it that way. I think if The Bunny’s legs were frog tied I could still get on top and ride his cock. Maybe his knees would be in the way…]
Bunny: Orly? Sounds like that would be a present to you. Not to me. [My visit on Thursday is meant to be a belated celebration of his birthday.]
Me: I’m honestly not sure where to draw that distinction with a boy whose kink is to be used. What WOULD a good gift to you be?
Bunny: LOL, the dominant mistress thing.
Me: Also you’re gonna hate me but your predicament arouses the shit out of me and since the last thing I said, I got myself off. Twice. [It took under 7 minutes, if you’re curious.]
Bunny: Why am I being used for wank fodder? [Cryface emoticon]
Me: Awww, now you’re weeping from BOTH ends. 😀
Bunny: I’mma stop texting you…
Me: Nooooo I still wanna know what “dominant mistress thing” means to you. [New message] apparently not being told to wait naked so I can use your cock…[new message] …And having your legs frog tied so that it’s way hard to thrust back at me and you have to lie there and succumb to whatever pace I choose…
Bunny: I’ll see if I can arrange something, then.
It’s good that he (apparently?) sees my point, but it doesn’t answer my question of what he would ideally want from me. This will not do.
Me: I want to hear what “acting like a mistress” means to you. Being like the ladies in your porn? Like…kinda yelling at you? Or what?
Bunny [after a long pause due to being at work and taking calls]: So the mistress thing: visual teasing via clothing choices, sensual contact to rev the engines, teasing and slight belittlement followed by performance requests and finally a harsh fucking by the mistress’s cock. Because it’s really all for her pleasure and I’m but a toy in the bed. [New message] Now my balls hurt.
When I first read this, it bugged the shit out of me. I thought The Bunny was trying to say that this is what being dominated actually is, for one thing (and if that’s dominant, and I don’t usually act that way, then what am I?); for another, his fantasy scenario is incredibly scripted/limited/specific, and his idea of “being used as a toy for his dominant’s pleasure” involves her dressing up for him, lavishing titillating attention on him, and then pounding his ass with a strap-on. Her orgasms are such a peripheral thing that he glosses over them with the phrase “performance requests” (I’m guessing the phrase “performance requests” refers to that point in BDSM porn where the dominant screams at the guy to make her come).
I wouldn’t mind if someone put this forth as a fantasy, with full awareness that the described activities don’t necessarily reflect D/s per se. And in retrospect, I think that may actually be what The Bunny was trying to get at. He’s not quite as articulate as I am; he doesn’t always think to use sarcastiquotes around things. I suspect that saying “I like the dominant mistress thing” instead of “I love the idea of being dominated” he actually meant “I like the kinds of shit they do in BDSM porn, even though it doesn’t reflect reality.”
At any rate, I do like knowing his fantasies, because then I can choose to exploit them (or not). And now is not a good time for a lecture on what D/s is, when he’s all batty from not masturbating. So I sidestepped that whole philosophical mess and tried to hone in better on what makes him tick.
Me: What kind of belittlement? Belittlement about what?
Bunny: I am man! No boy! I will not grovel to a mistress!
Me: Oooooooh. I think I get it. There are elements I can work with. [New message] and “performance requests” would entail getting you to do things like…?
Bunny: You’re the mistress. I’m da toy. I don’t know shit. [Dammit. I wanted the solace of him at least mentioning that my orgasms are part of his fantasy. But it would seem he’s choosing to go this route all of a sudden.]
Me [breaking down and attacking the philosophy of it, after all, because it hadn’t yet occurred to me that The Bunny may have meant “mistress” ironically]: It’s interesting to me that MY proposed scenario fo you waiting, ready, and tied apparently didn’t fit in with your concept of being a toy. Being treated essentially as a lovely place to sit sure sounds like objectification to me…what is it missing for you?
Bunny: I have to get my spare keys back for the tying.
Me: Yeah, that’s a reason why that plan won’t work right now, but it’s beside the point. Your initial reaction was that it sounded more like a gift to me than to you.
Bunny: There’s also the waiting and being immobilized vs. immobilized because of waiting.
Me: Hmm. You mean better to be tied up interactively than to do it yourself?
Bunny: Yep. Think about it, you get to put me how you want, you have the control over my comfort. [New message] And I’ll have my spare keys Thursday, so I will leave the option for you. Me pre-tied, or you come to tie.
Me: I’ll do the restraining this time. 🙂
Meh, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to fuck him while frog tied, anyway. This way I can get him to put his knees up so I can practice-mount him first and see if the logistics work. Also, I can totally understand why being tied up might be more appealing than tying yourself up and waiting. I can be flexible on this. I still get control of him, either way.
And I know he does enjoy our time together, even though the way I act doesn’t have do much overlap with the women in his porn clips. So the way I see it, this Thursday I’ll role play some shit in a way that still makes me comfortable but maybe goes outside my usual repertoire, and he’ll probably be happy just to realize I’m meeting him halfway.
The thought of “belittling” a feisty Bunny and forcibly putting him back in his place is really hot, actually.
*Well, wrong unless a woman is super into penetration, I guess. Even then, though, I wonder whether she’d be asking for certain kinds of thrusting or whatever and her partner would ignore her and do what he thinks she wants…