Huge amounts of texting with The Bunny.

Funny how when I took full control over The Bunny’s orgasms, I could ask him to jerk off for me after a week or more of abstinence and he’d be like “Not now, don’t feel like it.  I’ll get to it tomorrow, maybe.”  But now that I’m simply asking him to hold off on jerkin’ it until I see him (which will have been one week of abstinence), he’s going absolutely mad.  I don’t know if it’s his fundamental perversity coming through – sometimes I swear he’ll fight me on anything I try to make him do, just on principle – or if it’s the fact that he went and saw some kind of BDSM rope display/sexy show thing on his recent trip and it got him going.  But yeah, he’s in a bad state.

Last night, after the events of the previous post:

Bunny: 😦

Me: ?

Bunny: I wanna be fucking a woman in hot stockings.  I’m so horny.  [Just any woman?  I don’t love how interchangeable that makes me feel, but okay, whatever.]

Me: Three more sleeps. 🙂

Bunny: Too long.

Me: What does being backed up feel like, to you?

Bunny: I just wanna release.  I have a massive hard-on.

Me: Purrrrr. [New message] Are you prone to pitching tents more often than usual?  [I love the idea of him getting constant, random, intrusive erections…]

Bunny: I’m just in a mood.  The only cure is to orgasm.

Me: Are you saying that the current restriction is too much, for real?  Or just telling me that it’s difficult?

Bunny: It’s difficult.  [Ooooh, I offered him an “out” and he didn’t take it.  😀 ]

Me: And yet, you endure like a champ. 🙂

Bunny: I wanna masturbate. :/ [New message] My drive to orgasm is making me crude.  [New message]  If I wet dream, it’s your fault. [New message] I also suspect sex would be quite brief at this juncture.

Me: Well, one of my main wank fantasies is premature ejaculation, so I have no issue. [New message] Also, hands-free or involuntary ejaculation.  So if you DO have a wet dream…take a picture of the mess for me.

Bunny: What?  How does premature work for you?

Me: Gee, you’re right…feeling like I”m so sexy my partner comes practically at the sight of me is awful.  What was I thinking?

Bunny: Premature for a guy is like a failure to launch.  But yeah, the occasional is  not so bad.

Me:  I wouldn’t want a dude to take two minutes every single time, but I like it to happen sometimes.  [New message] and honestly I usually start to get sore after fifteen minutes or so anyway.

—–

Tangent: I’ve heard before that boys are raised to believe they have to earn their value to the opposite sex through what they do, vs. girls who are raised that their value is intrinsic (their main valuable thing being virginity/inexperience/innocence) but can be lost if they’re not super careful.  I think guys carry their “I have to earn it” attitude into sex – but somehow, the focus is all wrong*.  They all seem to think they’ll get some huge badge for being able to move their penis around in my vagina for the longest time, and that concept is just completely foreign to me.  Penetration is nice, but doesn’t give me orgasms (a thing I don’t exactly keep secret).  And one of my favourite parts of sex is watching/hearing/feeling my partner come (also not a secret).  Being nailed for an hour by a guy who’s concentrating on not feeling pleasure in order to last that long is just totally pointless to me and makes me sore, bored, and irritated.

My favourite sex ever was with The Pedant, who most of the time passively received my attentions rather than trying to impress me with his mad skills, but was incredibly responsive and had some big obvious “buttons” to push.  I also have fond memories of partners who were excellent at reading what I wanted and giving it to me – usually in the form of their demeanour (coquettish/slightly frightened/etc.)  or the way they got me off (not everyone pays attention when I tell them how to use their hand/mouth/a vibrator).  But more often than not I’ll get involved with a guy who kinda bores me in bed because he’s too stoic and takes forever…and then it turns out he was taking forever on purpose because he thought it would impress me.  Bleh.

I know The Bunny takes a while to come, anyway (even when he jerks off) but still, his incredulity over me liking premature ejaculation is surprising to me.  He knows I don’t get off from penetration alone; he knows I get spectacularly turned on by his breathing and moaning sounds; doesn’t it actually make perfect sense that I might like to receive the happy sounds without all the associated effort and chafing?

Anyway.  I told him why I like the idea of a guy coming quickly, and soon after that he needed to go to bed.  The next morning:

—–

Bunny: Even when I touch it a bit it leaks a lot.   [Yes, he’s talking about his penis.] Ugh.  It’s never been this bad.

Me: Now you’re teasing ME… [New message, a few minutes later] On Thursday shall I expect to ravish you first, then, before food or anything else?

Bunny: Yep.  Fuck food.  I need a fucking.

Me: Too bad you can’t be waiting naked on the bed with your legs frog tied.  But then you couldn’t let me in. [“Frog tying” is when you double someone’s leg over and wrap rope around to immobilize it that way.  I think if The Bunny’s legs were frog tied I could still get on top and ride his cock.  Maybe his knees would be in the way…]

Bunny: Orly?  Sounds like that would be a present to you.  Not to me.  [My visit on Thursday is meant to be a belated celebration of his birthday.]

Me: I’m honestly not sure where to draw that distinction with a boy whose kink is to be used.  What WOULD a good gift to you be?

Bunny: LOL, the dominant mistress thing.

Me: Also you’re gonna hate me but your predicament arouses the shit out of me and since the last thing I said, I got myself off.  Twice. [It took under 7 minutes, if you’re curious.]

Bunny: Why am I being used for wank fodder? [Cryface emoticon]

Me: Awww, now you’re weeping from BOTH ends. 😀

Bunny: I’mma stop texting you…

Me: Nooooo I still wanna know what “dominant mistress thing” means to you. [New message] apparently not being told to wait naked so I can use your cock…[new message] …And having your legs frog tied so that it’s way hard to thrust back at me and you have to lie there and succumb to whatever pace I choose…

Bunny: I’ll see if I can arrange something, then.

It’s good that he (apparently?) sees my point, but it doesn’t answer my question of what he would ideally want from me.  This will not do.

Me: I want to hear what “acting like a mistress” means to you.  Being like the ladies in your porn?  Like…kinda yelling at you?  Or what?

Bunny [after a long pause due to being at work and taking calls]: So the mistress thing: visual teasing via clothing choices, sensual contact to rev the engines, teasing and slight belittlement followed by performance requests and finally a harsh fucking by the mistress’s cock.  Because it’s really all for her pleasure and I’m but a toy in the bed. [New message] Now my balls hurt.

When I first read this, it bugged the shit out of me.  I thought The Bunny was trying to say that this is what being dominated actually is, for one thing (and if that’s dominant, and I don’t usually act that way, then what am I?); for another, his fantasy scenario is incredibly scripted/limited/specific, and his idea of “being used as a toy for his dominant’s pleasure” involves her dressing up for him, lavishing titillating attention on him, and then pounding his ass with a strap-on.  Her orgasms are such a peripheral thing that he glosses over them with the phrase “performance requests” (I’m guessing the phrase “performance requests” refers to that point in BDSM porn where the dominant screams at the guy to make her come). 

I wouldn’t mind if someone put this forth as a fantasy, with full awareness that the described activities don’t necessarily reflect D/s per se.  And in retrospect, I think that may actually be what The Bunny was trying to get at.  He’s not quite as articulate as I am; he doesn’t always think to use sarcastiquotes around things.  I suspect that saying “I like the dominant mistress thing” instead of “I love the idea of being dominated” he actually meant “I like the kinds of shit they do in BDSM porn, even though it doesn’t reflect reality.”

At any rate, I do like knowing his fantasies, because then I can choose to exploit them (or not).  And now is not a good time for a lecture on what D/s is, when he’s all batty from not masturbating.  So I sidestepped that whole philosophical mess and tried to hone in better on what makes him tick.

—–

Me: What kind of belittlement?  Belittlement about what?

Bunny: I am man!  No boy!  I will not grovel to a mistress!

Me:  Oooooooh.  I think I get it.  There are elements I can work with. [New message] and “performance requests” would entail getting you to do things like…?

Bunny: You’re the mistress.  I’m da toy.  I don’t know shit. [Dammit.  I wanted the solace of him at least mentioning that my orgasms are part of his fantasy.  But it would seem he’s choosing to go this route all of a sudden.]

Me [breaking down and attacking the philosophy of it, after all, because it hadn’t yet occurred to me that The Bunny may have meant “mistress” ironically]: It’s interesting to me that MY proposed scenario fo you waiting, ready, and tied apparently didn’t fit in with your concept of being a toy.  Being treated essentially as a lovely place to sit sure sounds like objectification to me…what is it missing for you?

Bunny: I have to get my spare keys back for the tying.

Me: Yeah, that’s a reason why that plan won’t work right now, but it’s beside the point.  Your initial reaction was that it sounded more like a gift to me than to you.

Bunny: There’s also the waiting and being immobilized vs. immobilized because of waiting.

Me: Hmm.  You mean better to be tied up interactively than to do it yourself?

Bunny: Yep.  Think about it, you get to put me how you want, you have the control over my comfort. [New message] And I’ll have my spare keys Thursday, so I will leave the option for you.  Me pre-tied, or you come to tie.

Me: I’ll do the restraining this time. 🙂

—–

Meh, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to fuck him while frog tied, anyway.  This way I can get him to put his knees up so I can practice-mount him first and see if the logistics work.  Also, I can totally understand why being tied up might be more appealing than tying yourself up and waiting.  I can be flexible on this.  I still get control of him, either way.

And I know he does enjoy our time together, even though the way I act doesn’t have do much overlap with the women in his porn clips.  So the way I see it, this Thursday I’ll role play some shit in a way that still makes me comfortable but maybe goes outside my usual repertoire, and he’ll probably be happy just to realize I’m meeting him halfway.

The thought of “belittling” a feisty Bunny and forcibly putting him back in his place is really hot, actually.

 

*Well, wrong unless a woman is super into penetration, I guess.  Even then, though, I wonder whether she’d be asking for certain kinds of thrusting or whatever and her partner would ignore her and do what he thinks she wants…

 

 

11 Comments

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11 responses to “Huge amounts of texting with The Bunny.

  1. Andy

    It’s getting to the point where I am 99% convinced I do not understand heterosexual sex. I read things online where people (both men AND women) talk about how they want to do the PIV thing for 40+ minutes and I CANNOT conceive of how this is supposed to work. AT ALL. 40+ minutes of sexy times? Kissing, snuggling, talking, hurting, oh yes. But 40 minutes of in-out-in-out? If it feels so fantastic, I don’t understand how either partner is supposed to last for 40 minutes. Or even 10. And if it DOESN’T feel so fantastic, why spend 40 minutes doing it when you could do something else? Plus, I can’t think of ANY motion I could keep up non-stop for 40 minutes from bending my arm to twiddling my fingers. How do guys thrust for 40 minutes?

    Anyway, I don’t know. Sex is a mystery to me.

    • I fully agree with everything you have said here. And I say this as a probably mostly hetero person.

      I will say that I admire a guy who can thrust for 40 minutes, on a purely “Holy shit you must have abs of steel” level. Even guys who don’t look particularly in shape can sometimes have this hidden core of steel. It’s crazy.

  2. trillian

    Ok is it me but.. 95+% of his text messages include the syllable “I” – and about 0.001% the “you”…

  3. “Gee, you’re right…feeling like I”m so sexy my partner comes practically at the sight of me is awful. What was I thinking?”

    ^^^How is this in any way not the hottest thing ever?

    Maybe it comes from having had several male partners who don’t orgasm during intercourse or just take FOREVER about it, but I absolutely love it when a man comes quickly. We can do other sexy things after, or take our time with round two, but the just-can’t-hold-back-another-minute fast and hard sex is just…ngh. I had a partner who used to apologize and act terribly sheepish about our habit of having “three hours of foreplay and like ninety seconds of fucking,” or as I liked to think of it “the best way to spend an afternoon ever.”

    I know some women don’t care for it, just like some women don’t care for short men or submissive or dominant ones or any other thing…but when can we start teaching people that they don’t need to please the majority of persons of their preferred gender, just the ones they’re with? Grr.

    • YES to everything you’ve said, as usual.

      It’s so suspicious to me when a partner usually takes forever to come (like The Bunny does) and then the topic of premature ejaculation comes up for whatever reason and when I say I kinda like it, they act astounded and confused. Like, suddenly I’m thinking “Oh holy shit, all those times when I was beginning to feel sore or resentful, COULD HE HAVE BEEN HOLDING BACK ON PURPOSE?!?!?”

      The Bunny has told me, with pride, that he’s “worn women out” without even having an orgasm himself. I don’t get how anyone likes this (I believe that people like it, I just can’t understand it). If my partner is thrusting away stoically, it frankly bores the living shit out of me. I want sounds. And usually, sounds are not forthcoming until a guy is approaching orgasm. Ergo, if a guy is close to coming pretty much the moment intercourse begins, it means that all of the intercourse is thrilling for me. With The Bunny, the thrilling part is like…the last five percent.

      And how are guys so bad at piecing this all together? Like I said before, it’s not a secret that I love hearing orgasm sounds. It’s not a secret that penetration doesn’t get me off. How are guys still thinking that it’s important to me that they last forever?

      • Of course you agree; I’m super smart 😉

        Some men do hold back on purpose, which is frustrating but I kind of get it. There are people (Spouse included) who kink on premature ejaculation because they want to humiliate their partners. I think the prevalence of humiliation in bad porn might create the idea that dominant women who like men that get off quickly only like it because it’s degrading. I have zero interest in humiliation in any role, but getting people over those stereotypes can be hard. It complicates things further when you realize that no matter how frank and honest you are about sex, most people come into relationships with all the baggage from every ex that lied or told half truths or shouted “you should’ve just *known*” (because that ever works). It sucks and it’s unfair and there’s no escaping it except by proving you’re not like that over time.

        Personally, I’ve been able to play the queer card to explain this one. I’ll start by explaining “look, you think it’s hot when you can make me come, why wouldn’t I feel the same about your orgasm?” And when they inevitably respond with something like “but when the penis is done the sex is over,” I get to remind them that many of my partners haven’t come equipped with a penis at all and we’ve managed sex just fine. Strangely, it’s very hard for most straight men to think of sex as an act other than penetration with their special bits, but a reminder that there are other sexy things to do in addition if the penetrative part isn’t satisfying to both parties can help.

        This is double-extra-important for women who don’t orgasm from penetration. (I’m very lucky in this regard, but you’ve been pretty clear that that doesn’t work for you.) Defining sex as male penetration and thrusting til he comes when that’s not going to get you off kind of implies you and your pleasure are not integral to the sex. Bit of an insult. (And yeah, I am blunt enough to say things like this to partners; it forces a paradigm shift real quick, but can also lead to some pretty hellish fights. I might should revisit etiquette at some point.)

  4. I also kink heavily on premature ejaculation and uncontrollable male desire (http://pasthurt.wordpress.com/2011/04/08/kinking-on-ejaculation-or-the-uncontrollable-male-desire/), but I do come from penetration usually and sometimes don’t even feel that another kind of orgasm will do. Also, unlike in fantasies, most men I’ve been with have been unable to go again at all. So, if they come early, that’s it. It also kind of kills my mood sometimes, if it’s really early, because if they won’t really get turned on again, I won’t either so much, because their getting turned on is my main interest in sex.

    I wouldn’t really blame the men too much. Lasting long, being always ready (and having a huge dong) are the most important things that porn teaches them. Unless you ask someone many times to do stuff differently, it’s no surprise that they act according to the culture’s norm – try to last long. (So cute if they can’t. Hrrrr.)

    Just saying.

    • OMG BAMBI’S HERE!!!! 😀 When you stopped blogging I didn’t know if I’d ever hear from you again.

      I know what you mean about guys who can only come once and then need a long break – it’s kind of a double-edged sword when they finish really fast. I don’t orgasm from penetration but I still like it (for five or ten minutes and then it’s boring…). Some days, possibly a fast orgasm from a guy would be a tiny disappointment.

      The Bunny, though, is usually good to go again after ten minutes or so (!) and so I feel like a kid in a candy store. There’s plenty to go around! I can “waste” one and still have more!

      • Aaaw! I’m following you like a hawk! I’ve just been throwing up 24/7 the last 4 months which has made it a little difficult to comment… or do much else either. But now I’m halfway there (5 months pregnant!) and I can think again.

        And of course here I am the first thing I do. 😀

        I’d love a man who could go again that fast! You are a lucky woman to be able to waste his orgasms willy nilly. 😀

        Okay, now I have to go read what you were up to when you met up!

  5. Also also, I fell in love with Wonderboy’s ability to fuck me hours into oblivion until I could come no more. I came so many times I lost count, he didn’t until the last minute. Once. I know that he was worried at first that he would come before me… And I would have felt a grudge, if I’m honest.

    But in a long relationship like ours a quick one is usually as good as a long one, and it doesn’t matter so much even if he’s not able to go again, because he knows how to please me, it’s not impossible, and I know there’s more where that came from… even if it’s tomorrow or the day after.

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