So, The Bunny and I did some more texting about the whole orgasm control debacle; I managed to dig out some more of his feelings about things. The bottom line is that he likes the idea of being told to “save himself” for a few days until I can see him, because that makes our get-togethers more intense, but he doesn’t like me having dominion over all his orgasms. When I asked whether he likes the idea of being taunted about his abstinence when he’s saving himself, he said it depends on his mood. I told him if he wants to be taunted about it he can feel free to bait me a little bit and I’ll rise to the occasion…if I’m in the mood. I’m not always.
The last time The Bunny jerked off was before he left on his birthday trip (Thursday). He couldn’t do anything on the trip because he was sharing a hotel room with friends. I told him to keep on abstaining until he sees me in a few days.
He sent me a message last night telling me he was feeling all pent up, and I took this as a green light for taunting. I had lots of fun describing how I’d decided to take a hot bath and then slip my warm, smooth, freshly shaved legs into a pair of stockings and get myself off a bunch of times. (I only ended up completing the “bath” part of that plan but it’s the thought that counts!)
The teasing continued today when I took some photos of my legs in stockings and texted them to The Bunny when I knew he’d be at work and couldn’t jerk off even if I allowed him to. He was all “Why you teasin’? :(” but he meant it playfully, I think. I’m sure if he really didn’t want me doing those things he would straight-up say he’s not in the right headspace.
I’d been out with a guy from FetLife the night before (not a date per se…open-ended). I’d mentioned it to The Bunny in passing. A few hours after the teasing, The Bunny and I had the following conversation:
Me: Dude last night was pretty fascinating. Experienced service sub. I so totally can’t get my head around LIKING to do other people’s housework and stuff…I asked him many questions.
Bunny: OCD? I was going to offer, but I suspect his boner would be way bigger while performing the service.
Me [kinda feeling a need to defend the guy, because actually he seemed really serious and sincere and not like he was looking for any sexual perks]: He was live-in houseboy to a lesbian couple. :O He says it’s the praise that makes it fulfilling for him.
The Bunny got distracted by work stuff for a few hours. Then we got to making small talk and he was being a playful pain in my ass, as usual. So I sent him yet another photo of my stockinged feet with the caption: Here’s what you get for sassing me. Plug up that bratty mouth for a while. 🙂 [He likes being forced to suck on stocking-covered toes.]
Bunny: Why don’t you just post on FL then.
WHOA. Wait. What? This sounded an awful lot like The Bunny was saying “If you think I’m such a terrible brat then go put an ad on FetLife and find someone better.” Where the fuck did that come from?! Why would he come to the conclusion that I was seriously displeased with him when I’d just sent him a sexy picture?
I wondered if he was abruptly feeling too pent up and it was making him cranky. Or if my quasi-date last night rattled him more than previous ones have. I’d happily talk things through with him, but I can’t do that unless he opens up to me, so I just texted back “?”
A full half hour later:
Bunny: Show everyone! 😛
No. I’m not buying this. He didn’t say “why don’t you post that on FetLife?” – he said “Why don’t you just post on FetLife then.” I think he did snap at me and now he’s trying to cover it up.
Me [trying to subtly comfort him in case he’s feeling insecure for whatever reason]: “Everyone” isn’t hot and bratty and fun to tease. You are.
Bunny: Well, surely others can be teased too.
The conversation went along those lines for a while and then petered out. Funny, but as much as I adore The Bunny’s encouraging attitude when I’ve had a date or makeout with someone else, it wigs me out when he’s too encouraging. For a while there he was heavily leaning on me to put up a provocative FetLife photo (well, of my feet) and I had to bite my tongue to keep from being like “Why do you want so badly for me to be attracting other people? Are you trying to get rid of me?”
But I still think all of that was just him trying to disguise his little fit of pique.
And as for why the fit of pique…well, I’ve told The Bunny before that I crave a sub who’ll do servicey things for me. I’ve asked if he thinks that might be him, and he said probably not – he likes me telling him what to do in bed (and making him abstain from coming for a few days now and then so the bed stuff will be more intense) but other than that he doesn’t like giving up control. He made a point of telling me that when he cooks for me or opens a door for me, it’s in the spirit of an old-timey gentleman (and that he would do the same for a sub he was playing with) and not as a submissive gesture.
So the guy I hung out with last night – the guy who’s all about service – is in a position to give me what The Bunny won’t. Notice how when I talked about this guy doing household chores for people, The Bunny immediately said he was going to offer to do this for me. And then commented that the other guy would probably get more of a boner during said chores, which has got to either be a mean-spirited dig at service subs or The Bunny’s veiled way of hinting that his own help would be more sincere since service isn’t a kink for him. Or, y’know, both.
As for the other guy…he’s an experienced service sub who gives me just the most amazing vibe: trustworthy and sincere and humble and…just awesome. I’m not sure whether I’m attracted to him; I’m not sure whether I’d need to be, in order to accept service from him. He doesn’t need a D/s relationship to be sexual (although he says sooner or later everyone he’s been with did ask him to service them in some sort of bedroom capacity). The issue is that I think I might need a D/s relationship to be sexual.
I’ll admit to daydreaming about having this man clean for me, but I want to develop more of a friendship with him before possibly venturing into D/s territory.
So a while after the “put photos of your feet on FetLife! I can even take them for you with my professional-level camera!” conversation with The Bunny, I followed up on his offer to help me clean. He meant it. He’s coming over next Friday to help me, and I’m thrilled about this – not because of the cleaning itself (although that’s great) but because of what it represents. The Bunny expresses his affection by doing things for people. I would guess that he intends to help me clean as a partner, not clean for me as a sub, but either way it’s a gesture of love. Or like-a-lot. Or something..