I’ve had guys I was seeing vanish unexpectedly on me so many times that I’m all jumpy ‘n’ shit now.  When I’m seeing someone, I constantly monitor their behaviour for possible signs of flight risk, and practically make spreadsheets of how often they contact me and the exact tone of the contact so I can analyze the patterns.

When The Bunny and I first started seeing each other, we’d be texting back and forth almost constantly; if I got busy for a few hours and didn’t answer his last text, he’d either send some new random message to goose me back into conversing with him, or he’d anxiously ask “everything okay?”

Nowadays, he’s usually the one going hours without contacting me.  Also, we both have busy schedules lately (I’m working a lot and he’s going on a trip for his birthday) but I offered two possible times that I could fit in a brief visit; he declined them both and said it would be better to have a more leisurely hangout once our schedules have settled.  I can’t help thinking that if I were important to him, he’d’ve wanted to see me.  Looks like we’re gonna be apart for over two weeks – the longest period of time since we’ve been dating.


He still talks all the time about possible sexytimes accoutrements he might buy for us.  He offered to take time off work if I wanted to go to a particular rope practice event that falls on a workday for him.  He’s going to another kink workshop with me when he gets back from his birthday trip, and afterwards we’ll have a sleepover.  And before he left for his trip this morning he left me two unsolicited wankmails on my phone. 😀

Also, we talked about the Five Love Languages a while back and he agreed with my assessment that he largely expresses caring through Touch and Acts of Service (the two expressions of affection I love most to receive, btw!).  And the last time I visited him, he made us dinner (remembering and working around my various food sensitivities), caressed me tirelessly for aaaaaages until I was all stupefied with endorphins, and then got me off using his Hitachi – all completely unbidden.  

Overall, there seems to be plenty of evidence that The Bunny likes me and isn’t going anywhere.

Some would say that if I want him to text me as often as he used to, I should just ask him to.  But the thing is, it’s not actually the frequent texting that I want back – it’s the fascination and insecurity that drove the frequent texting.  Because as long as The Bunny was actively chasing me, I never had to be insecure.  Now I find myself chasing; I find myself texting The Bunny random shit solely to garner a response so I’m reassured he’s still out there.  I do not like this.

I need a distraction.  And I’ve been wanting to find myself a new submissive, anyway, and people keep on telling me that public events are the best way to meet the serious subs (the porn addicts and fantasists are too busy jerking off to leave the house).  I’m going to go to a couple of munches to bide my time til The Bunny gets back.

One munch is in a venue I know already, so I’m gonna go by myself.  The other is at some pub I’ve never been to, and I pretty much CANNOT DEAL.  There’s a local dude I’ve been talking to on FetLife – not much of a conversationalist so far, but perhaps he’s better in person – who I noticed had RSVP’d to that munch so I asked if he’d like to meet up en route and head in together.  He’s gung ho for that idea.  So I have a munch buddy.  And who knows, maybe this munch buddy will actually have chemistry with me and we’ll eventually become something more.  Although frankly I feel like that’s unlikely.

During the planning stages for this munch, Munch Buddy dude informed me that he is now in talks to become some other chick’s submissive – although he’s poly and so is she so that doesn’t rule anything out with us.  I find myself suuuuuper irritated that he’s found a potential partner so quickly (he’s only just moved to my city).  I think my black mood over this is mostly just jealousy.  Not in the sense that I wanted Munch Buddy for myself, but in the sense that I barely ever happen across anyone who appeals to me, and Munch Buddy gets serious attention from some chick within weeks of arriving here.  Plus Munch Buddy comes off boring and overly kink-focused whereas I believe I’m funny and interesting and a lot more well-rounded when it comes to D/s.  I guess I cattily feel like I deserve attention more than he does.

Well, whatever.  I’ll go to munches, I’ll meet new people, I’ll network and have experiences.  These are all good things.

And in about a week, I’ll see The Bunny again.



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2 responses to “LImerence

  1. trillian

    My experience is it works both ways. The way *you get more anxious (and interested) when there is a pause without an obvious explanation is the way would he… if you let him.

    I know it sounds like “tactics”. But making yourselves a little more interesting, mysterious and unavailable can work wonders. At least that’s my experience.
    And also I think it has to do nothing with the who-is-the-man-and-who-the woman, and whoshouldcourtwho bulls*. Just that ancient instinct that gives love that little “preyhunting” spicy taste which then awakens our spirits. 🙂

    • Yeah, I think this may be a nice side benefit to my going to a munch with someone else. Right now The Bunny is kind of my ambassador to the local kink community. He probably feels (pretty much correctly) that if there’s a kink event I want to go to, I’ll be too shy to go alone and so I’ll inevitably ask him. Which kind of means that he has all the power – and that he always knows where I am, at least when it comes to kink related stuff.

      I need to have a kinky life separate from him so that when we go somewhere together, it’s because I choose to.

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