So, off and on for years now I’ve been having libido issues. I’ll have sexy thoughts, and feel turned on inside my head, but not further south. Some days I kinda want to masturbate just as a kind of release valve because my pervy thoughts are building up to a distracting, annoying degree, but wanking just doesn’t…work. Like I try for a while but it doesn’t really feel good enough to continue.
Often, the only way for me to orgasm is by using the Hitachi; I rarely ever get off “by hand” anymore. And most times I have to put the Hitachi on its highest setting. People I’ve told this to are always like “Ah-ha! You’ve probably desensitized yourself by using such a powerful vibrator!” Yeah, I worried about that too at one point so I stopped using it for a month or two – during which time I’d occasionally try to masturbate with my hand but it was so “meh” that I gave up. I’ve heard a month is plenty of time to “reset” the body’s sensitivities, and it didn’t work, so yeah. Also, I belatedly remembered that I was having these same issues before I’d even bought the Hitachi, and that even if I had been desensitized it doesn’t explain why I don’t feel turned on the way I used to. If it was just a desensitization issue then I should think my arousal patterns would be the same as ever and the only change would be that it would take longer to actually orgasm.
Anyway, today I worked a grueling double shift, came home exhausted, and almost immediately fell asleep. I had sexy dreams and woke up in the kind of furor I haven’t felt in a long time. Slid my hand down my pajama pants and got off in literally under ten seconds. And I noticed something: I was pitching a tent. It’s been so long since I’ve felt my clitoris being erect that I had literally forgotten it’s even a thing that happens; or rather, I guess I forgot how hard a clit can get, and was thinking the normal firm-ish texture of the shaft was it. The clitoral sensations of being touched while hard were many orders of magnitude better than anything I’ve experienced in ages – this is how it used to be all the time, this is what I’ve been missing. I realized that I usually haven’t been hard even when The Bunny and I have been having sexytimes.
So now I’m convinced that the issues I’m having aren’t libido or desensitization: instead it’s a matter of hydraulics. The lack of tingly turned-on feelings, even though I’m having sexy thoughts? Because I’m not getting erections. The way I need such hardcore stimulation, most of the time, in order to orgasm? Because I’m not erect so I have to kinda force the orgasm out of me (something I’ve heard some impotent guys are able to do – come even while limp, if they work it hard enough).
I’d been wondering if my “libido issues” were some kind of perimenopausal hormone thing, but now I’m not so sure. I’m gonna look up causes of impotence in men and see if anything resonates with me. Could be a mental block or a blood pressure issue or who knows what.
In the meantime, I must say I’m curious what it would be like to take Viagra. Seems like that would put me right back on track.