Went to some sex stores with The Bunny yesterday, then back to his place.
He can be so infuriatingly vague. I’d been texting him the night before, trying to ascertain whether he wants to be submissive in the bedroom only or perhaps a little bit outside of it, too. He already does lovely things like cooking for me and offering to carry my bag, but I know that he’s really into “being a gentleman” so I couldn’t tell whether this treatment was that, or him trying to telegraph that he’s okay with serving me. I asked him about that, and he said it’s the gentleman thing (that’s not the vague part). Then he said we could talk about it more the next day, when I was over. But when I brought it up again – “So how do you feel about doing minor acts of non-naked service for me? Would you be okay with that?” – all he said was “maybe.” Which…okay…so what does that mean, in practical terms? I should ask him to do things but not expect him to obey, or…? I just want to know how to proceed from here. I want a “yes, I’ll do stuff if you ask me to, within the following limits” or “No, don’t boss me around outside of sex,” or “No, don’t boss me around outside of sex yet, but maybe someday; I’ll let you know.” I’m assuming his “maybe” means that last thing – that he’s still thinking about it. So I’m leaving it alone for now. But his ambiguous phrasing bugs the shit out of me.
Also, that exchange leads me to believe that maybe he doesn’t have that fundamental thing service subs have – that love of being useful. I mean, if he doesn’t immediately get a sense that serving me would be fulfilling, then maybe this is a matter of him possibly being willing to do it, but not really into it. Although his “gentlemanly” demeanour seems to indicate that he gets a certain satisfaction from putting others first…bah, I dunno.
I brought up the topic again of making us “FetLife official.” He wasn’t forthcoming about what category he wanted to choose, deflecting to asking me what I wanted (so yeah, following my lead, as I’d guessed before). I said that I didn’t want to just put something like “sub,” because that might imply that he’s only a play partner to me – someone to beat on – and that’s not true; I actually like him and stuff. And then I said that I supposed he could be “submissive of” and “lover of” [my username], but I find it kind of visually irritating when one person is listed as a bunch of different things; seems like overkill. He said “Maybe we should just put ‘lover’, then?” and I concurred. For some reason he didn’t do it at that moment, even though his laptop was open and he was perusing FetLife at the time. This made me wonder whether he was actually having second thoughts or something – all talk and no action – but this morning he texted me to confirm “So it’s okay to list you as a lover?” and then promptly did so, and I immediately did the same for him. So yeah. It’s official. 😀
Also, The Bunny is having an issue with his asshole and asked me to look at it and try to ascertain what was up (a haemorrhoid, I’m pretty sure). Not the most romantic story in the world, maybe, but I think it’s a relationship milestone that he trusts me that much and is willing to show me an unsexy side of himself; he understands that we can find each other sexy while still acknowledging each other’s humanity. I love that we’re so physically comfortable with each other. I know I’ve said this before but damn, I didn’t piss with the door open the entire time The Pedant and I were together, and I’m at that point with The Bunny within three months. Actually, I pissed on him yesterday (my idea, in the shower). Now he is truly mine.
I’ve noticed that he’s begun showing off for me a little, physically, in ways he didn’t before. He came to me believing that men simply aren’t eye candy to women the way women are to men, but thanks to all my ogling and compliments I can see he’s beginning to have some confidence in himself that way; to walk with a hint of swagger when he knows I’m watching, to recline on the bed with a crackling penumbra of awareness that he’s being admired. He’s blooming into a new realization that he’s sexy, and it’s an amazing thing to witness. ❤
Actually, at one point I came back from the bathroom to find him lying on his belly surfing the ‘net, and the lines of his body made me catch my breath. The Bunny has short, muscular legs and a big firm lush round ass, so his body in that position – on his belly, legs crossed at the ankle – made the most lovely swooping curves. I asked if I could paint him sometime and he kept deflecting (“you wanna paint my hairy man-ass, do you?”). I suspect he was a bit overwhelmed and embarrassed by my attentions and couldn’t totally handle it, so he was dodging. I decided (as with so many other topics, with him) to leave it alone for the time being and revisit the idea in a few weeks. In the meantime I got all caught up in running my hands over his delightful curves, from his shoulders down to the small of his back up over the hills and valleys of his ass and legs. Pretty pretty pretty.
I really need to paint this boy.