Second date with The Sage today.
I don’t know about him. There’s a weird sense of “level-jumping” – we’ve only been talking for a short while, but I felt a rapport with him pretty much the second we met in person and we’ve both acted from the get-go as though this is likely to turn into a relationship (well, he acts that way full out, and I keep reining myself in because it seems absurd to be feeling like this already). Maybe this is what happens when you get two older, wiser people together: your interactions become this strategic, formal, deliberate thing of Nurturing the Budding Relationship. You both know that sitting back and “seeing what happens” can cause a good thing to stagnate, so if you feel a connection, you work at it. Right from the start.
So in some ways I felt comfortable with him right away, and in others he raises red flags for boundary-crossing; but he’s Aspie, so I gave it a chance and told him to please stop texting me things like “*cuddles*” and “*kisses*” when we’re not yet on a cuddling or kissing basis in person, and he thanked me for using my words and has mostly stopped doing the things I said I didn’t like (when he slips up, I do not think it’s a test or a deliberate boundary violation but rather that he simply cannot see where the boundaries lie).
And yeah, it’s great that he responded so well to my corrections. But at the same time, I feel like dating someone shouldn’t be this freaking hard in the beginning. It’s like I’ve been dropped into a relationship at the six-month mark or something (aside from the fact that there’s been no physical stuff). All this negotiation just to make things run smoothly.
Also, he’s constantly giving me advice and seeming like he’s trying to mentor me in various areas. And while he actually does seem to know a lot about the shit he lectures me on, and it could be valuable to learn the things he wants to teach me, it kinda rubs me the wrong way. I can’t tell whether he’s being a tad condescending or if I’m just touchy about a dude trying to teach me stuff (which is a sore spot for me…I blame it on my dad). I sometimes wanna be like “Hey, dude – you do remember that we’re basically the same age, right?”
Or, like, a couple of times during our first date, I was talking animatedly about kink and admittedly got a little too loud (we were in a coffee shop with lots of people around to overhear). The Sage made a warning face and gestured with his hand for me to lower my volume, which seemed curiously bossy (fatherly, maybe?) to me and made me feel all foolish and chastised. I think if he’d simply said “You might wanna keep it down; people might hear you” I wouldn’t have felt so…spanked.
Soooo I dunno. I do really appreciate how “trainable” he is (his word). And from what I can tell it sounds like we’d be pretty compatible when it comes to BDSM play. So I’ll keep on giving it a shot. I just vacillate so wildly between “I immediately feel like I can talk to this person about my deepest emotions and traumas” and “OMG he’s being too pushy about his attraction to me and it’s freaking me out” that it’s kind of exhausting.