Tidbits

Just a few things I think I haven’t mentioned before, but want to put here for posterity:

I use a condom on my dildos during ass play for easy clean-up.  I once challenged The Bunny to put one on my dick using only his mouth.  I’ve heard this is a classic prostitute move and I liked the idea of The Bunny acting like an accomplished whore.  He grumbled about it, but he did manage to do it.

The Bunny has his left ear pierced twice and usually wears a silver hoop earring in each hole.  A few weeks back, we went out dancing and one of his earrings fell out and got stomped on/broken.  I’ve managed to find a replacement that looks enough like the previous one that it should hopefully suit his tastes.  He’s gonna sleep over on Thursday night (*squee!*) and I’ll give it to him then.  In the meantime, I texted him “I bought you a shiny today!” and he went nuts wanting to know what it was.  So cute.  But I’m keeping it a surprise.  All I told him – because his level of intrigue had kinda psyched me out – was that it’s just something little and not to get too excited.

The Bunny has been going skating at a local rink every Saturday morning for exercise.  That time I stayed over at his place after clubbing, he asked if I’d mind him still doing that in the morning.  I was flummoxed because I thought he was telling me – too late at night for me to go home – that he would be waking me up early and kicking me out.  And yet I knew the skating was part of his routine, and if he’d rather do that than hang out with me then forcing him to stay would just be awkward.  But no, it turned out The Bunny was planning to let me stay in his apartment while he skated and keep hanging out with me when he returned.  And, he’d made a profile on his laptop for me – named after me and everything – so that if I woke up before he got home I could lie in his bed and surf the internet.  I ended up sleeping straight through until he came back again, and then he made us scrambled eggs and bacon and it was delicious.

I told The Bunny after breakfast that morning that being cooked for is a weakness of mine – my mom was a housewife until I was twelve, and cooked everything from scratch and made a huge point of telling me she did it because she loved me and wanted me to be healthy, so in my mind, food = love.  Also, later on after some invigoratingly rough sex and a few orgasms, I was all high on endorphins and giggled “I love you, zebra!” – a reference to this hilarious juxtaposition of memes:

i love you zebra

When I left The Bunny’s apartment that day, he didn’t walk me to the bus stop; he always had before, but that time he just lounged naked in bed, browsing the internet, and was like “you know how to get to the bus, right?” barely even looking up at me.  This made me all kinds of paranoid, wondering if my two mentions of the word “love” had panicked him and made him want to distance himself.  But apparently not, because after that brief weirdness he went back to acting the same as he always had – including cooking for me.  Yeah – he knows that being cooked for makes me feel loved, and makes me fall for people, and he’s still offering to do it.  Hmmmm. 🙂

I’m really enjoying how domestic things are starting to feel, with him.  He has that gift of making me feel physically comfortable, perhaps because he’s not prudish himself.  Like the time I came over and he was naked and about to have a shower, and when I caressed one of his ass-cheeks he matter-of-factly said “I’d be careful in that general area if I were you.  There’s a reason I need a shower.”  See, I like that.  He can acknowledge that human beings ooze gross stuff without acting like it’s the end of the world.  I’ve peed in front of The Bunny now; I never peed in front of The Pedant in the entire time that we were seeing each other.

So, it…it sounds like we’re actually kind of a couple, right?  Not just fucking?  With the constant texting and the sleeping over and the extra computer profile and The Bunny taking a day off work so we can take a kink class together?  I should probably ask him what this is and/or how he’s feeling, just to make sure I’m not misinterpreting anything.  I wonder whether doing that will come off to him as pressure to be boyfriend/girlfriend, and he won’t like it?   He told me that he’s at a place in his life where he doesn’t want to feel tied down, but does that mean no monogamy, or nothing too heavy or committed at all?  He does seem to like me a lot, though; maybe he’s sitting here wondering where I stand with things and he’ll be relieved if I tell him I’m really into him and would like to consider us to be dating.  But how should I start the discussion?

Fuck, I have no idea how to do any of this.  How did I ever get into relationships before this?

 

8 Comments

January 8, 2014 · 8:50 am

8 responses to “Tidbits

  1. trillian

    Why do you have to have the relationship verbally defined? Commitment needs are okay if you want children for example… but usually scare the crap out of men (and lately I realised, take the magic away for me), or is this some leftover scare from the pedant’s “I act like a boyfriend as long as no one sees it” kindof thing?

    • With The Pedant, I felt an “I love you” brewing but couldn’t tell if it would be welcome because I didn’t know what I was to him. Then, in the end, it turned out he loved me, too, and thought of what we were doing as a relationship.

      All those mornings I woke up in his arms feeling loved but trying to force myself to stay wary and clear-headed, I could’ve let go and just revelled in it. All those moments when I felt deliriously head-over-heels for him and thought I’d burst if I didn’t tell him I loved him, I actually could have.

      But The Pedant was too chickenshit to tell me his feelings until I told him first, which I didn’t do until we were breaking up. And I feel like I cheated myself out of all the best parts of our relationship. I don’t want that to happen all over again.

      But now I’m at that same point with The Bunny where I feel perilously close to letting an I-love-you slip but wonder how he’d take it. And I’m wanting to ask “are we ‘dating’ or just ‘hanging out’ or what?” not so much because titles matter to me but because that seems less scary than just straight up dropping the L-bomb out of the blue and waiting to see if it destroys everything. If can maybe suss out whether he’d be open to getting closer to me and then decide how to proceed, that would be better.

      And the thing is, too, I think The Bunny is too scared to initiate things. So it has to be me. All my instincts tell me that he does in fact care about me as much as I do about him – but I’m pretty sure he’ll never be the one to say so first. So it’s up to me.

      I do care about titles a little, though. When I’m dating someone and happy with them, I want to announce it to the world. I don’t know if The Bunny is the type to list a relationship status between us on FetLife even if we were officially going out, but I must admit I would love this. It would please me for other people to be able to see that I’ve got myself this lovely boy.

  2. “I love you zebra” had me laughing far too loud. All the happies!

    The “what is this relationship?” question shouldn’t be hard. I don’t remember it being hard, pre “Nic will never reveal emotional vulnerability again days,” but now? Nope, can’t do it. Because it feels vulnerable (“here’s a little piece of my heart. I’m going to hand it to you unsolicited and really hope you don’t drop it in the mud out of horror or disgust. That would make me sad. Even though it’d say more about you being a jerk than anything else.”) Because it feels pressuring (even if you tell them “I don’t need/expect reciprocation,” it feels like it. At the same time, it gets really awkward when friends inevitably ask about the person you’re suddenly gushing about. “So, you guys are dating? Is it serious?” And to an extent not being able to have this conversation represents a relationship weak point. I can’t offer advice (great at communicating behavior! Awful at communicating abstractions!), but it seems like a “hey, is it cool if I think of you as my boyfriend [or insert other title]?” or “I kinda want to brag about being with you, how would you feel about listing each other as [whatever] on Fetlife?” would be fairly low-pressure low-vulnerability starting points.

    Yay for feeling comfortable with him. I hope you don’t mind my basking in reflected warm fuzzies over here.

    • The “what is this relationship?” question shouldn’t be hard. I don’t remember it being hard, pre “Nic will never reveal emotional vulnerability again days,” but now? Nope, can’t do it.

      WORD. It used to be easy for me, too. Now? Not so much.

      Please do bask in reflected warm fuzzies! And btw even as I posted the zebra thing I thought to myself “I bet Nic would totally get this.” No lie. 😀

  3. Pingback: Love stories | hiding in plain sight

  4. Argentum

    I’ve come to believe that how a DTR conversation is introduced is a million times less significant than the perceptions of the people involved before having that conversation. When people end up on the same page, it’s because they started out there. When people end up disagreeing, it’s because they wanted different things prior to talking about it. I think it’s something of a myth that certain people enjoy themselves until someone brings up commitment, and then they bail; I believe these people never wanted commitment, in the first place. All this said, I don’t think I’ve ever initiated a DTR convo in my life, cause I’m chicken shit like The Pedant.

    I’m also happy for you and The Bunny and how well all is going – “We Pee In Front Of Each Other” should be a Facebook relationship status 🙂

    • I think it’s something of a myth that certain people enjoy themselves until someone brings up commitment, and then they bail; I believe these people never wanted commitment, in the first place.

      But the net result is the same: two people with different relationship goals enjoy some sex and companionship but when it comes out that they’re not on the same page with things, someone decides it’s best to end the interaction. That’s exactly what I’m always scared of in these “are we dating or what” conversations.

      Yeah, I know it’s better in the long run to let someone go who doesn’t share my relationship goals. But in the short term I lose out on sex and snuggles. 😦

      “We Pee In Front Of Each Other” should be a Facebook relationship status

      BAH HA HA YES. 😀

  5. Thud

    “he was naked and about to have a shower, and when I caressed one of his ass-cheeks he matter-of-factly said “I’d be careful in that general area if I were you. There’s a reason I need a shower.” See, I like that. He can acknowledge that human beings ooze gross stuff without acting like it’s the end of the world.”

    I’ve always been anxious about a woman going anywhere near my a**h*le. Yes, I ooze gross stuff, and I like to shower right before intimacy to ensure that I’m squeaky clean.

    I’ve known several women that needed to be as fussy about their own a**. I have a preference for ‘doggy’ position (for deep penetration of the vjaja) but several times a certain aroma has interfered with my enjoyment of her butt.

    ” I’ve peed in front of The Bunny ” and only recently have I peed in front of a woman other than my mother. Lover with sisters, no brothers, asked to “see how it works” and since she was routinely using the toilet without closing her bathroom door I felt that I couldn’t refuse her.

    One day I had peed (door open) and she wandered in, asked why there was a droplet at my “end”, so I explained that a penis is like a garden hose; you can turn off the garden tap but that doesn’t guarantee that the hose is empty

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