CBT, poly, and threesomes.

So, The Bunny told me there’s a workshop coming up in cock and ball torture.   Now, historically, CBT is not a thing I’ve specifically craved…but the clothespin thing the other week was a huge turn-on.  And I enjoy causing pain in general, so if a partner particularly liked CBT I’d like to do it and do it well.  Plus, since joining FetLife I have become aware that there are actual trained skills a dominant can have and that sometimes a dominant is judged by whether they have any kind of accreditation.  I’ve always just been off in my little bubble, having rough bitey sex with dudes; I knew that CBT is a thing, and so is needle play and so is knifeplay and so is flogging, and I knew that you shouldn’t just stumble into that shit without knowing anything about it, but…I dunno.  I was happy with my bitey sex so I didn’t really think about it.  But yeah…now I want to expand my horizons.  And I want to get more “dominant cred.”  I have a level of integrity in my D/s dealings that people much more experienced than I am have sensed and respected; time to round that out with some actual skills.

I asked The Bunny if he wanted to come with me – he’ll never be doing shit to someone else’s cock or balls, but it behooves him to know about safety practices in case I, or others, torture  his – and he said he was working that day and would have to get time off.  I interpreted this as a “no” – vacation time doesn’t grow on trees, after all, and how often will CBT come up for the Bunny really?  But my social anxiety precludes me going to this thing by myself, so I was trying to think who else might accompany me.  I speculated, via text, that a friend of mine (The Doll, actually) might be game; he’s a switch who sometimes plays with dudes.  To which The Bunny prompted, “So CBT is an area of interest?” and I said yeah, I think so.  And then the conversation went on a slight tangent and then I had to go run errands and The Bunny said “And again, if ya wanna do the cbt workshop for sure, lemme know so I can pull the time. :)”  So…he was actually offering to take the day off.  D’awwwww. 😀

He said he’ll go because it’s in his best interests to know when his junk is being handled improperly, but I kinda wonder if my idea of bringing someone else gave him a pang of jealousy.  Maybe not, since in reviewing the conversation it looks like maybe he interpreted that as me inviting The Doll along too.  Meh, who knows.

Now, I do not remember the FetLife events page saying that this workshop was one where you could bring a partner and practice shit on him.  I thought maybe it was just lectures and diagrams and maybe the instructor doing shit to a silicone dick-n-balls.  But apparently there was a line in there about practicing with partners.  The Bunny pointed this out and asked me if I’d be okay with all the ladies there seeing his junk…and when I got sidetracked and didn’t address the question, he asked it again.  I would think it’d be safe to assume I’m fine with it, what with us being poly and me still wanting to take him to this thing even after he gave me the heads up that there would be actual practice exercises.  I kind of wonder if he was just lingering on the idea of being on display because he has a latent exhibitionist streak. 😀

Part of me wanted to go “Why would I care?  It’s your dick.  I don’t own it.”  But actually I find it sweet that he’d be concerned for my feelings (unless he really was just asking me because he loved saying the phrase “all the ladies will see my junk,” in which case never mind, I guess).  I’ve heard it said over and over again that when one is first venturing into polyamory there will always be surprises, no matter how prepared you thought you were: weird emotions will suddenly surface, or hangups you didn’t know you had.  So I opted not to train The Bunny out of asking about my feelings because this seems like a good thing for him to be doing.  But I actually don’t care about other women being able to see his genitals – not in that particular context, anyway.  I thought it might seem callous to say that though so instead I deflected by saying (and this is also true) that I’m more concerned with me – I feel weird at the idea of being turned on in public and this will almost certainly end up happening.

The Bunny asked me what I’d do if someone else asked to “practice” on him a bit.  He said it’s unlikely to happen but, y’know…best to prepare for the worst-case scenario.

Honestly, right now (and at the time that he asked it) I do not feel like I’d care that much.  And even if someone did ask to “borrow” The Bunny and it ended up giving me a surge of jealousy, I don’t know that it would ultimately matter.  The way I deal with jealousy these days is to acknowledge to myself that it’s happening and then just…keep on living my life.  If my partner still makes me feel loved during/after the jealousy-making thing, I probably won’t feel jealous anymore.  I feel that stopping The Bunny from doing a thing because it gives me the feels is counterproductive; if I stop him, I’ll never get to live through the thing and realize it was no big deal.  But I’m holding on to that option just in case I change my mind. 😛

What I told The Bunny is that my reaction will depend on the situation: if the interloper came over when we were obviously not in the middle of anything and asked both of us if she could borrow The Bunny’s cock, I’d probably say “it’s okay with me if it’s okay with him.”  If the person was interrupting us and/or only acknowledged one of us, that would piss me off and I’d probably say no.

The Bunny replied, “I am attending for our learning first and foremost.  That’s above anything else.  I’m your bottom in this.”  Which was just the perfect thing to say: put most of my poly-related fears to rest and let me know he takes my learning seriously in one easy step.  Goddammit I am so falling for this boy…

Oh, speaking of which, the other day the subject of threesomes came up…I mentioned to The Bunny that I love the thought of two boys focusing their attention on me, and honestly I don’t even fantasize about sex in that situation per se…I usually just daydream about being caressed by two pairs of hands.  And The Bunny said he was willing to team up with another dude and make this happen.

I am…awestruck.

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