Got another example today of The Bunny’s male gazey-ness. He texted me that Sears had some sexy stuff on sale; Sears to me is a stuffy, staid store for old people. So:
Me: “Sexy” is NOT a word I associate with Sears…
Bunny: Hey, I find stockings sexy. 😛
Me: Ah, right. I forgot about their hosiery department.
Me: Well, why would *I* think of stockings when someone says the word “sexy”? I’m a straight girl.*
Bunny: What does straight have to factor into this?
Me: Straight girl matters because it means stockings are a thing I’ve experienced more from the inside than as a viewer. When someone says “stockings” my first thought is to remember the odd tension of the garter belt on my hips and thighs and the little clasp things digging into my thigh meat when I sit down.
Bunny: Hmm. You find a lot of femme things painful it would seem.
Me: You know how sensitive my skin is.
…And then the conversation detoured.
But srsly, you guys. Srsly. If someone says “this store has sexy things on sale” why would my brain default to picturing what other people think of as sexy rather than what I find sexy?
If I’m not attracted to women (lingerie-clad or not), the thought of stockings on a woman is not going to evoke a visceral arousal reaction for me – and stockings are overwhelmingly worn by women**. Also the fact that I’ve worn the fuckers myself and found them mildly uncomfortable would take away from any sexiness they might have held for me. I can’t get into a purely voyeuristic headspace with pictures of women because I am a woman so to a certain extent I will identify with the woman in the pictures, including thinking about how her outfit would feel if I were wearing it. This shouldn’t be a difficult concept, dammit!
The fact that The Bunny assumes that “sexy” and “sexy to most straight men” are synonymous concepts just bugs the shit out of me. I can’t even. It depresses me that good, non-misogynist boys can still have these huuuuge blind spots of entitlement.
*This might be “rounding up” a bit…occasionally I feel like I might be attracted to a woman. But for argument’s sake let’s just say I’m straight.
**I’ve actually never had any of my boys wear stockings and garters, believe it or not; I figured the garter belt would just fall down without curvy hips to hold it up.