Today The Bunny told me, via text, that he had something to talk to me about. And then there was a long silence, presumably because he was at his tech support job and a call had come through. I wish people wouldn’t preface a talk with all this ominous fanfare. Horrible thing to do to someone. I was on pins and needles waiting for him to tell me The Thing.
Turns out The Thing is that his friend from the other night would like to do a pre-negotiated spanking scene with him and he was wondering how I’d feel about that.
I think it’s sweet that The Bunny even consulted with me. I did tell him when we first got together that I’m poly and he’s free to see other people, after all. But – as I mentioned in my previous post – the thought of someone else dominating The Bunny kinda hits me right in the vulnerable underbelly. And I guess The Bunny intuited that this may be the case.
I’ve heard of poly D/s relationships in which the submissive is allowed to do all manner of things with other people except submit to them. It’s tempting to instigate a similar rule with The Bunny, but I’m just gonna hang back and see if I can get past my hangups first. Because from what I can figure, wanting his submission all to myself is the same thing as wanting his dick or his romantic companionship all to myself, and I feel like those demands are unreasonable, so…yeah.
Or, well, I can see how submitting to several people can cause problems because what if the sub gets two conflicting orders? If someone else wanted to practice orgasm control with The Bunny then that would be an issue, for instance. So maybe I’ll instigate a “submit only to me” rule but give him free rein to be topped or something, I don’t know.
Anyway, I told The Bunny that I think him being spanked by someone else is okay with me, and explained that my main criterion for poly dating is just “Am I still getting what I need?” and that the thought of a partner with someone else can give me twinges of jealousy but once I see that they still like me as much as ever, I’m fine. He replied that with how difficult it is to mark his ass, I probably won’t even see anything, so there’d be no evidence to make me feel jealous. Or if I did see marks I could just do my best to make darker ones.
While we were talking about relationship dynamics, I told The Bunny we should discuss rules of conduct for when we visit the sex club next week. Here’s how that went:
Me: For the time being, I’m not comfortable with the idea of us hooking up with others in each other’s presence. I’d like to operate under the philosophy that we came there together and therefore we’re each other’s focus. Especially since I’ve never been there before. I don’t want too many new concepts foisted on me at once. 😛 Thoughts?
Bunny: Acceptable. My goal in going isn’t to bring and ditch and be rejected and go crawling back. [Interesting – I was picturing women coming up to hit on him, ergo no chance of rejection. But maybe chicks don’t do that, even in sex clubs.]
Me: Okay good. Because being at a sex club for the first time and dealing with my social anxiety AND maybe watching you make out with someone else is TOO MANY THINGS. Just out of curiosity, where do you stand on this? If someone hit on me and I was into it, would you be jealous? Indifferent? Turned on?
Bunny: Well, so long as you are safe about things, I’m a big boy I can be left alone. [I don’t think he meant this as a shot at me, but it feels a bit like one. Like I’m not really a grownup because I plan to be plastered to The Bunny’s side for this outing.] If you wanted to have me watch your back for anything I would be there for you.
Me: D’awwwww. ❤
Bunny: Obvs I’m a male pig, so if a chick is into you and doesn’t mind me joining you ladies. 😉
Me: Duh. 🙂 Obvs I’m down for a dude to join us, too. 😛 Oink.
Y’know, though…he never actually told me how he’d feel about me going off with some other dude. He only indicated that he’d step aside and let me. I wish he’d be more open about his emotions, but frankly he is still such a step above The Pedant (in that The Bunny is in near-constant contact with me and will kiss me in public) that his emotional reticence isn’t too huge of an issue for me. Yet.
And now, some things that happened the other night at (and before and after) rope practice that I forgot to mention previously:
-We were talking about our impending sex club visit while waiting for the bus to get to the rope thingy. The Bunny said that often, this place is filled with creepy old people, but the night we’re going is more geared toward students so maybe there’ll be more eye candy. I asked what “old” meant to him. After a slight pause, The Bunny awkwardly said “Ah, around your age.” Ha ha – I thought that’s what he was getting at. He quickly said “You’re different because you look young.” He didn’t need to qualify it; I wasn’t offended. He was talking about creepy old people – a distinct subset of sex club patrons. I have an idea of what that demographic is like, and I’m not in it. I do find it funny and slightly offputting that he thinks of 40 as “old,” but whatever, he’s 27, it’s kind of par for the course.
– At some other point on the journey over we got to talking about toiletries for some reason and I mentioned that I love stuff that smells like chocolate and other desserty things. He said “noted.” I hadn’t been saying this to make some big point in case he wanted to buy me a present one day…but it’s intriguing that he’s catalogued the info.
-The event had music playing. At one point I commented “Hey, I hear The B-52s!” and The Bunny went “Who?” – I honestly thought for a second that he just hadn’t heard me and was about to repeat myself when I realized he was making a joke about our age difference (exactly the way Minx often does). Then The Bunny thought I hadn’t gotten his joke and spent way too much time trying to reassure me that he did indeed know The B-52s. I was like “Dude. You’re not the first young’un I’ve dated. I know how this particular joke goes.”
– At the rope practice, there was a guy demonstrating some basic ties on his (female) partner. At the end of the demo she seemed to be all subspaced-out and it was really hot. And of course throughout the night there were people tying each other up in fascinating ways, and sometimes doing a bit of impact play as well. The Bunny and I watched some of this and he would visibly begin to breathe heavily. I got turned on, too (although it didn’t manifest in my breath so much; it’s more that I couldn’t stop grinning). It was a sweet bonding experience, in a way, to be companionably leaning on each other and/or kissing and touching while both feeling turned on by the D/s energy happening around us. I love that he understands why D/s and impact play are hot. It’s nice not to feel like a weirdo.
– On the bus on the way home, I bumped into a woman who’s drawn me a few times in various classes. She recognized me immediately and beelined over to chat with me. I introduced her to The Bunny, but otherwise steered the conversation toward art class and things of that nature; I didn’t want this woman I know in a professional capacity to be asking The Bunny and I how we’d met or where we’d been. The Bunny stayed silent as this lady and I made conversation; eventually I felt bad for neglecting him, and as I continued talking I reached out and took his hand as a sort of tacit apology. He immediately wrapped his fingers around mine and returned the little squeeze I gave him. The Bunny and I are not really on a hand-holding basis; he’s never initiated it and I’m all caught up with labels and levels* so I never initiated, either. I’m happy that he was open to hand-touching-type stuff.
– When it came time to part company and go in opposite directions, The Bunny kissed me goodbye on the mouth even though that art chick was still there, and waved at me from across the street once we were at our respective bus stops. I like that he asserted himself as someone I’m dating, and that extra wave goodbye is not something he’s done before – perhaps he’s becoming more attached to me. I hope so, because I’m becoming pretty attached to him, too.
*It just seems like a lot of guys subscribe to some plan where they only give certain kinds of affection to certain kinds of partners. Hand-holding is for girlfriends, not FWB-type people; if you act affectionate with a guy in the “wrong” way he could get scared off. I don’t know what The Bunny would call me; I’m fine with whatever title he wants to give this and I’m fine with a fairly wide range of physical affection from him. I’m not dying to walk around holding hands with him but if he started it, I wouldn’t resist…I’m basically just trying to follow his lead here so I don’t alarm him.