The Bunny and I have been texting back and forth like crazy all day. I’ve been asking him about his limits and trying to suss out if I can dominate him or if he only wants to be topped.
What I have learned so far:
-He takes pride in putting a partner’s pleasure first, so if I get bored waiting for him to come and decide to deny him orgasm entirely, he’s actually fine with that. He says he’s entirely willing to have a dynamic where the entire point is my pleasure.
-He expected me to objectify him and treat him like a sex toy to a greater extent than I have been. He likes the idea.
-He senses I’ve been holding back in a lot of areas, including how much force I use with him. He reassures me that it’s okay to go harder.
-He says no to the idea of licking up his own come after an orgasm. He says yes to intercourse and cunnilingus (we haven’t done those things yet and I didn’t want to demand them of him in a dominant capacity because hey, you never know, maybe for whatever reason he’s not up for those things yet. And then he’d have to say no to a direct order or else do a thing he’s not ready for, and that’s not fair).
-He would like to help me enact my play-rape fantasies.
I am so deeply intrigued with this boy right now. I hope he can stay patient with me as I find my footing because once I do, I think I will be demanding and brutal beyond his wildest. Fucking. Dreams.
In other news, I worry about him a tiny bit, from a poly standpoint. I’m wary of dudes who’ve never been poly before. I feel like there’s a good chance they’ll fail at multitasking, or very quickly end up ditching me to be monogamous with some other chick whom they either like more or who’s pressuring them for exclusivity, or both.
Plus I do tend to get jealous easily when it comes to a new relationship. With Minx, I knew he was in love with me and I couldn’t be easily replaced. With The Bunny…he seems to be pretty into me, but who knows?
So far he’s been pretty upfront about his life and doings, which is promising – most new-to-nonmonogamy folks reflexively hide things*. I know that The Bunny has someone else he sleeps with (although it’s been a few months); that he occasionally hangs out at a local sex club, and made out with someone there last week; that he’s been messaging back and forth with some chick on FetLife lately.
The FetLife chick was giving me pangs of jealousy earlier. The Bunny mentioned her by saying “I’ve been messaging back and forth on FetLife with a nice lady named __. She likes to cause pain, too.” I think what got me about this is that The Bunny is a switch and I know the vast majority of women he’s ever played with are subs. I’m totally fine with that because they’d be doing things with him that I’m not interested in doing with him. But if someone else wants to play rough with him, there’s a risk that she’ll be less shy and restrained about it than I am and he’ll start liking her more. There’s also a risk that if they play together, he’ll be too sore for me to beat for a while. Grrrr.
I did not mention my jealous feelings to The Bunny. Typically these feelings fade quickly, anyway, so there’s no need to bother my partner with them. If he starts hooking up with this chick and treats me differently as a result, then I’ll say something.
We did discuss the chick for a little bit; I asked if he was thinking of playing with her, and he said that all they’ve discussed so far was going to events and stuff. He also said she knows how to flog so maybe she can teach me. And he said “She likes saying degrading things to ladies” which…I don’t know if he means that she’s only interested in domming women and is only speaking to him as a possible friend or mentor, or what. It’s sweet that he was thinking of hooking me up with flogging lessons, though.
I will say that when The Bunny mentioned talking to this woman, I made a point of mentioning a FetLife guy who messaged me. Partly to let him know that I’m in demand, too, and partly because I really should try to be more open with him. I did however tell The Bunny that I have no huge burning need to meet this guy – even though he has some potential – because The Bunny is givin’ me such sweet action and because I’m too busy lately anyway preparing my business for the holidays. I said I’ll probably at least talk to this guy a bit but beyond that, who knows. He replied, “Awww, you’re gonna focus all of your abuse on me. :)” Heh.
D’awww. He just texted me – after a suspiciously long pause in our conversation – to say “Jerkin’ it twice is still not as good as being manhandled by you.” 😀 😀 😀
Oh, also, tangent: some other FetLife dude (with an amazing sixpack OMG) saw me comment in a discussion group that I love the idea of a guy eating his own come. This guy has now messaged me offering to make and send a video of him doing this. I asked whether he would take a very specific request, and he said okay, so I spelled out exactly what I wanted to see. He says he’s going to go do it and send the video to me in a little while.
Normally I’m bored to tears by dudes wanting to jerk off for me on cam, but that’s because they’re not really doing it for me at all; they’re doing it for themselves, to fulfill a kink of being watched. This guy is paying attention to what I want: he messaged me because we had a common interest and he’s tailor-making a video to my specifications. EXHIBITIONIST GUYS TAKE NOTE: this is how you get a chick to watch you jerk off. Oh, also, when he offered to make a video for me he was all “I’d love to make you a video if you want, but if not that’s okay, too.” So there wasn’t that sense of invasiveness and pressure.
Sometimes, my life is awesome. 😀
*And I tend to reflexively want to hide things from them lest they get freaked out or misunderstand my intentions. Which I know is not great, and I’m working on it.