I have long known that the best way to get a thing is to ask for it. It can be hard to put this into practice, though.
I’ve got it down pat when it comes to online dating – I’ll always directly state my kinks, and the fact that I’m poly, in my profile and specify that I’m only looking to date guys who will submit to me in one form or another. I haven’t been on OKCupid in years but when I was, I was astounded by the number of guys who wrote to me all “I’m a submissive crossdresser! Pick me! Pick meeeeee!” and yet they didn’t mention that aspect of themselves in their profiles at all. I’d ask why not and they’d say they didn’t want to scare anyone off. Dude – you’d only be scaring off women who aren’t into your kinks. This is what we call filtering. You just know half these guys are stuck in miserable vanilla relationships by now – not fulfilled enough to be happy, but too emotionally invested to bail. And they totally brought it on themselves.
So, people have occasionally told me I’m lucky to find the kind of guys I do, or have the relationships that I do, and while I do have the luck of living in a big city with lots of freaks to choose from, I really do think the biggest reason I have the romantic life that I do (such as it is, right now) is asking. Being upfront in my online profiles, and thereby essentially asking the universe to bring me poly-friendly dudes who share my kinks. Asking guys out when I find them interesting. Asking the guys I’m seeing if they’d mind doing this or that thing that makes me happy.
Turns out a surprising number of people are willing to do the stuff I want…they just didn’t know I wanted it until I asked for it.
For whatever reason, though, it’s way harder for me to be so straightforward in other areas of my life. Like…I’m in a group on Facebook that has a bunch of awesome women I’d happily friend, except I figure if they wanted to be FB friends they’d’ve asked me already, so I wuss out and don’t send a request (I actually go through the same thought process with guys I’m interested in, but in those cased my drive to get laid usually overpowers my natural reticence and I ask ’em out anyway). I’m afraid to ask my modelling contacts for gigs – what if there’s a reason they haven’t offered me anything, and they feel annoyed that I’m pestering them? I’m afraid to push my art too hard lest people get sick of me talking about it all the time.
But, I mean…fuck it. I can’t know what reasons people have for things. Also, people are intrinsically self-centred and just forget about me sometimes; I think maybe when someone falls out of touch, it’s actually rarely on purpose and mostly just because they got distracted.
I haven’t gotten quite enough gigs this month to pay my expenses. One of my art instructor contacts recently mentioned that he’d love to have me come to his studio again sometime and model for him, so I wrote to him last night to say “Hey, if you’d like me to come by your studio, I’m free on [dates] next week. If not, no worries; I just saw that I had a block of time free and thought I’d offer you first dibs.” I also wrote to a guy whose class I posed for only once, months ago, but who seemed to really like me and who paid really well, asking if he’d like to have me back sometime soon. Both guys responded in a perfectly friendly manner. The first dude is apparently out of town right now but will check his calendar when he gets home, and the guy who pays super well was all “I’d love to have you back!” and gave me a day in December.
And today I invited a shitload of people on my Facebook friends list to “like” the fan page for my art. For some reason only about half of my friends had done so. For months now, the cover photo on my personal profile – the big banner thing across the top of the page – is a big billboard that says “PLEASE LIKE MY PAGE!” with the URL, and even that didn’t get my numbers up. People write comments on my wall and stuff all the time, so I know people are on my profile page seeing this billboard thingy. But no takers. So I directly invited a bunch of people to like my page, and within ten minutes, three of them did. I’m sure there will be more later.
And I’m trying hard to promote my art and drum up lots of holiday sales. That hasn’t had any visible effect yet, but will probably snowball (HA HA WINTER PUN) closer to Christmas.
Overall, I’m feeling pretty empowered ‘n’ shit.
I’m gonna go have a nap now before I go to The Bunny’s place. Need to recoup some energy so I can give his mouth and ass a good fucking.