Visited The Bunny yesterday.
Sexually speaking, I tend to move glacier-slow. Partly because I don’t want to be PIV-level intimate with someone until there’s a certain level of trust and feeling there, and partly because I have a pattern of feeling somewhat attracted to someone initially and then suddenly not feeling it anymore. At all. I feel like the eventual (inevitable?) rejection will feel worse for the other person if the physical stuff had progressed more. Like…if you start up a promising thing with a new person and there were some good makeouts but then she says “Sorry, I think this isn’t working for me anymore” that sucks, but if she says it after you’ve actually given each other orgasms it’s gonna suck worse. Or seem more mixed-message-y. Or something. I dunno.
But I feel like in holding out, I’m missing out on some potentially fun experiences. And probably a dude is gonna feel hurt and confused by me suddenly bailing whether we’ve ever been naked together or not, and it’s not my responsibility to babysit the feelings of others, anyway.
Long story short, I went ahead and got naked with The Bunny. We didn’t have intercourse, and I think that was the right decision for me. But he got me off a couple of times and I did stuff to his ass while he jerked off.
It was…okay. In the plus column, I feel safe with him, he seems like a good guy who’s well-educated about safer sex and bondage practices, and he gave me lots of pettings and attention. In the minus column, I don’t think I’m particularly attracted to him. And it somehow seems like he’s not that attracted to me, either; I never catch him looking at me with that reverence other guys have had, and he’s never complimented me on my appearance. I…think maybe both of us are just being opportunistic here, like: “Here is a person who might be able to teach me some things about BDSM.” So in some ways the encounter felt kind of empty and sad.
But at the same time, it was rewarding to have snuggles and companionship (he has an adorable cuddly cat, too, and at one point all three of us were snuggled up in his bed, watching stuff on his laptop). And although my lack of attraction made the physical stuff kind of awkward and clinical, I still somehow managed to get turned on during the proceedings, and came. Three times.
I thiiiiiiink when we were winding things up and he was walking me to the bus stop I got a vibe that he, too, found our encounter more empty and sad than anticipated. I could be wrong. But if he doesn’t actually ask me back again I won’t be terribly shocked. If he does ask me back, I’ll probably go. I wish our chemistry were better, but still: he’s a cute guy who’s willing to teach me cool rope tricks and get me off multiple times. And even though I don’t really know him – and in some ways I can’t seem to get a foothold in a conversation to get to know him because our personalities just don’t mesh like that – I do like and admire him as a person, if that makes any sense. He knows how to do bondage safely, and is a patient teacher. He owns his own Hitachi Magic Wand, and puts a fresh condom over the head of it before every use. He owns a box of hypo-allergenic black nitrile gloves and lube that’s free of glycerine and other potentially troublesome ingredients. Dude has his shit together in the bedroom, is what I’m saying.
Oh, and by the way, he originally presented himself as a challenge, sadistically speaking; a stoic type who can take a lot of pain. He also mentioned in passing that he’s pretty much silent during sexual activity, aside from breathing sounds. Well, I don’t know whether he was faking some little moans for my benefit or if I actually did unlock some kind of genuine responses in him, but he made some noise with me. I also got him to the point of “yellowing out*” a couple of times when I was biting him. I’m glad he wasn’t so stoic, after all; at least 50% of the fun in sadism is the reaction, for me.
His shoulders, chest, and arms are probably looking pretty banged up today. 😀
*Some people use “red” as a safeword to mean “stop what you’re doing entirely” and “yellow” to mean “this is right on the borderline of being too much.” Personally, I prefer things to be more binary – say “red” if you need me to stop, or else take what I’m dishing out. Nothing in-between. But since I’d neglected to do my customary pre-play “bite test” with The Bunny to establish how far I could go (“I’m gonna bite down and increase the pressure sloooowly; you tell me when it’s too much”), I let it pass.