Nude modelling: not easier for chicks.

When the topic of life modelling comes up, guys seem to think there’ll be way less embarrassment for women doing it because a woman won’t ever get a noticeable erection in front of everyone.  And okay, yeah, a cis woman would not have that problem.  But it’s a mistake to think that being naked in front of people is totally easy when you have a vagina.

Here is a brutally honest list of things I worry about sometimes while I’m up there posing.

Do people secretly think I look weird or ugly?  Will they discuss it amongst themselves later?  I’ll tell you a secret: I have long, pronounced labia minora.  Howard Stern once saw a woman with this feature and said something like “your crotch looks like a box of Kleenex!”  Yup.  Pretty much.  When I was a teenager and got naked in front of a guy for the first time, he stared at my crotch for a while and finally said “…I don’t understand what I’m looking at.”  Another time, again in my youth, I got naked with a particular dude for the first time and he pointed and said “What is that?!?”  Other guys didn’t say anything out loud but I still sensed that they were puzzled about my topography.  I think these things happened back then because the internet – in all its perverted diversity – was not yet a thing, so the only pussies most teenaged guys had seen were tidy little slits in a copy of Penthouse or Playboy.  Nobody’s reacted weirdly to the sight of my lady business in a long time now – not even virgins.  Still, I have this conviction that I don’t look the way a woman is “supposed” to look in that area, and I wonder whether other people think so, too.  Plus I have all the usual worries about my fat ass and my cellulite dimples and the way my stomach goes into rolls when I bend in certain directions.  I simultaneously want the artists to think I’m attractive, and don’t want them thinking of me in that way at all because ewww.

Granted, guys who model probably have concerns about looking weird or ugly, too.  But I bet they mostly worry about their dick size – not about every square inch of their skin ever.  I can tell this from the kinds of naked pics potential suitors have sent me, actually.  All kinds of unflattering foreshortening and weird angles, but with their dicks showcased.  These guys clearly aren’t worrying about their thighs smushing outward and looking fat when they sit in a chair, y’know?

I am having an unexpectedly wet day.  Will people be able to see/smell this?  Some days my vag is randomly more proactive in its self-cleaning process than others.  One moment, everything’s fine.  The next moment: *glug*.  I’ve never actually dripped fluid onto the model stand but on a few occasions I was sure I was about to.  I’d be standing there clenching with all my strength, wondering: if I drip, what are the odds of someone noticing?  Will they see the droplet falling down?  Will they see the little wet stain on the sheet I’m standing on?  Other times the situation isn’t that dire but I wonder whether my personal areas are visibly glistening.  Or I’ll shift from one pose to another and suddenly catch a whiff of my own smell (crotch, armpits, or both) and be paranoid that everyone else in the room can smell it, too.  Which they probably can’t, since they’re generally sitting pretty far away from me.  But when I do a really long pose that has breaks in the middle, the instructor will usually come right up to me and put a tape outline around my body so I can get back into pose accurately.  It is totally feasible that the instructor can smell my vagina at these times.  Aaaaargh.

Do I have bits of toilet paper stuck to my labia?  Did I forget to tuck in my tampon string?  …Yeah.  That awkward moment when you come back from a pee break, get naked in front of 10+ people who will be staring at every part of your body for the next 20 minutes, and realize you neglected to give your crotch a last-minute once-over before you left the bathroom.  And remember, kids…my labia are hanging right out there.  When blinding-white toilet paper scraps are stuck to them, you’ll see it from a hundred paces.  Double-aaaaaargh.  And a visible tampon string would just be so incredibly gauche.

And then of course there’s the predictable thing of is this pose giving people sex thoughts?  But I’m sure male life models wonder that, too, sometimes.

Anyway, my point is that being naked in front of people is fraught with peril no matter what genitals you have.  It would be nice if guys stopped telling me “You’re lucky!  You don’t have to worry about popping a boner!” like that’s the only stressor that exists in this situation and without it, the job must be smooth sailing all the way.

10 Comments

October 23, 2013 · 8:17 pm

10 responses to “Nude modelling: not easier for chicks.

  1. rodclark2014va3rod

    I didn’t realize that women could be so self-conscious about their nether regions. I mean, I know one who was, at first. But I just thought women were into hiding their nipples when they undressed the first time with a guy (or are they holding up their breasts so as not to look floppy or droopy?). And I thought the bush was there to hide the entrance to the v*gina.

    • This is exactly why I don’t shave my pubes. I used to go bald sometimes before I ever modelled, for my own or a partner’s entertainment, but nowadays I want a bit more ground cover.

      And dude, women are taught to feel weird and inadequate about every part of our bodies. Asshole bleaching is an actual thing. As is labiaplasty. And I saw a commercial for a deodorant that supposedly makes your armpits look prettier. ARMPITS! I’m supposed to think about whether I have pretty enough armpits now!

  2. Thud

    I guess I’m not only old, but old-school too. You’re 2 decades too young to recall the first edition of The Joy of Sex http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joy_of_Sex which was published in 1972. The sketches in this manual show people with long hair, and intact body hair. I have no qualms about a lady lover with body hair. In fact I might say that I prefer hirsutness and actually find a shaved pussy a bit unusual.

    Back to Joy of Sex. I had lost my virginity about a year earlier, and this book introduced me to cunnilingus, fellatio, and sex positions that I had never heard of. It opened the door to a wonderful physical relationship with my first wife and a few years later my lovers.

    Back in 1972 the modern concept of safer sex was not even in our vocabulary. Back then I had limited knowledge of condoms (and a somewhat negative outlook on them, The Pill being the much sought after IDEAL).

    Oh, to know back then what I know today ! About arousing ladies I mean. Pleasuring them.

    • Hey, I recall the first edition of The Joy of Sex. My friend’s parents had it. Her brother had cut all the penises out of the drawings for some reason.

      I’ve always said that if I had kids (I won’t, but I’m just saying, in a parallel universe or something…) I’d give them 70s naturist magazines to look at as they were approaching puberty. Naked, furry people with normal bodies having fun. It’s fucked up the ideas kids must get nowadays about what naked people are supposed to look like and how sex is supposed to be.

      • Thud

        “Her brother had cut all the penises out of the drawings for some reason”

        I totally get that. I have a nephew who, at 5-6, was cutting out pictures of bras and panties and pasting them in a notebook. When I was 12 or so I kept a collection of bra and panty ads. Now I keep a collection of pictures of large-breasted women and they are sometimes dressed, sometimes in lingerie, sometimes bare.

        I find other penis’ interesting for the large variety in shape and size. Some men show, others grow. By show, I mean that even flaccid they are virtually fullsize. Others are kind of small, but they grow a lot as they become erect.

        As far as body hair goes I’m in favour of the natural look, but have encountered women who would have looked more attractive if they’d trimmed their hair a bit.

        Occasionally a hairy woman carries the taste of urine in her bush, but not all. And shaving doesn’t guarantee no scent, and brings with it the danger of ingrown hairs or itchiness as the hairs grow back. I’ve only known one woman who had a Brazilian and she said the process was very painful.

      • Thud

        ” It’s fucked up the ideas kids must get nowadays about … how sex is supposed to be. ”

        the summer between grade 7 and 8 my parents gave me a book that was supposed to help me deal with puberty. Halfway thru the book there was a phrase “the man inserts his erect penis into the woman’s vagina” which still strikes me as a bit vague, as tho the author was talking about putting a jar of peanut butter back in the breakfast cupboard. Ten years passed before I actually got an opportunity to “insert”, and thirty years before I realized how beautiful “making love” could be.

  3. IceBreaker

    Wow, this post is phenomenal. As a male model, I admit that I thought that male models had it harder than females, but this post educated me and totally changed my mind.

    I can understand the toilet paper thing, the place I model at has a full-length mirror in the bathroom, which is great for a full body inspection before walking out.

    For me, you hit the male insecurities spot-on, it’s mostly about my size down there (especially as a black guy), and then whether or not people think I’m fat or something stupid. I’m not afraid of people having sex thoughts, I don’t really think that happens (I’d probably be flattered if it did), but I do worry about whether or not a pose is just disgusting, i.e. do the artists behind me really appreciate that I’m bending over? Ha. I’d love to hear an artist’s perspective on what they see and think about when they draw.

    In any case, you’re right, it doesn’t matter what type of equipment you have, modeling is tough for everybody. Thanks for sharing!

    • but I do worry about whether or not a pose is just disgusting, i.e. do the artists behind me really appreciate that I’m bending over? Ha.

      I know the feeling! I feel dumb admitting this but I don’t actually know how far I need to bend over before my asshole or vulva is visible…I don’t have any well-placed mirrors for ascertaining this, and even if I did it would still be difficult to contort myself enough to see.

      So some of the poses I do, I’m sitting there with no idea whether the people behind me are just seeing butt crack and legs, or my genitals, or what. I try not to obsess about it but it’s something I do think about sometimes.

      Thanks for commenting – it’s great to hear from another model!

      • IceBreaker

        Logically, you’d think that it shouldn’t matter if someone can see between your cheeks, after all, I think that possibility kind of goes with the territory of dealing with a naked model that you’re asking to present themselves in ways they normally wouldn’t, especially when nude. It’s like asking “be naked, be vulnerable, but don’t show too much”. You’d think that artists would be a bit forgiving about our display.

        I think it’s best not to worry about it. Normally, I really try to avoid facing someone when I’m bending over in public (and especially in a locker room). But when it comes to modeling, because of my leg/thigh definition, I think that bending over contributes to my presentation (maybe that’s wishful thinking, but that’s what I choose to believe 🙂 ).

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