My evening with the FetLife guy went well. It’s time to give him a name. I’ll go with “The Bunny” because he’s really into tying people up and he offered to be my “rope bunny” (test dummy, basically) if I want lessons.
That’s why The Bunny came over, in fact – to give me some rudimentary rope lessons. I was a little worried that he’d be expecting more – like for us to actually engage in bondage play or sex – but no, he was entirely professional. Which made me like him more, actually, because I felt safe and unpressured.
First and foremost, he showed me how to tie a person up in basically the “doggie style” position. He demonstrated on himself, because he knows being tied up is a hard limit for me. Then he got me to practice on him a couple of times. In order to do this, I had to reach through his legs sometimes and also try to tie and tighten the rope around his belly, which in his folded-over position was pretty much touching his crotch. I accidentally grazed his package with my fingertips a few times. “Sorry,” I said, “I’m trying not to molest you, but it’s a tight space.” He said “that’s okay” in a perfectly normal, non-skeevy, unperturbed tone, which I appreciated.
Seeing The Bunny all trussed up with his ass in the air – and because I’d put him that way! – filled me with glee. I had an urge to act cheeky with him; to trash-talk him, hump or slap that ass, etc. But his teaching style had been so clinical that I didn’t want to overstep.
I began to wonder what he wanted from me. In our text conversations, he was mildly flirty – like at one point he corrected my spelling or something and I made an innuendo about whipping out his “big red pen” and he said “It’s not as red as you might think. Maybe you’ll see one day.” And we’ve talked (in, as I said before, a philosophical/impersonal way) about what we enjoy sexually. So, y’know…it seemed like he might be open to things progressing past fully clothed, platonic rope lessons. And yet in person he wasn’t sitting overly close or looking at me overly long or making excuses to touch me. He did, however, continue talking matter-of-factly about his sexual preferences, and asking me about mine. So it seemed as though he was auditioning me as a potential bedmate.
And so I became pretty sure that The Bunny was in fact interested in me, but just too something to make a move. Too intimidated, perhaps, or too respectful (some sub/switch guys assume it’s not kosher to be the aggressor with a dominant woman). Or too uncertain as to whether an advance would be welcome. That’s what I thought might be happening. But I wasn’t absolutely sure. And although I was beginning to find The Bunny appealing, I wasn’t dying to jump him or anything. Plus, with him being sooooo clinical, there was no fluid way for me to segue into making a move. So I didn’t.
Just as an aside, The Bunny talked to me a lot that night about all the different things you can do with rope – all the different ways you can secure someone in order to gain easy access to their orifices and keep them from struggling. And I’m about 75% sure that he got an erection on several different occasions while he talked. But I only know this because I wondered whether these ideas were turning him on as much as me, and surreptitiously glanced at his crotch; his body language remained casual and his voice and breathing remained steady the entire time. I can’t even tell you how much I love that. If I’m gonna consider having sex with a dude, it’s gonna be the one who sees erections as a random, sometimes silly, always ignorable bodily response, not a demand or obligation.
Bastardcat was hanging out on the bed with us, sucking up to me mostly, and at one point The Bunny joked about getting into my lap to try to make him jealous. This, of course, made my pointy li’l cougar ears prick up: ah ha, he IS interested in me! “Do it!” I said, and The Bunny was like “I will!” but he stayed where he was. This told me that he was interested in me and scared to initiate anything. Which I find kind of hot.
A bit later, we were discussing his allegedly high pain tolerance and he invited me to punch him in the thigh. Later still, he did a “frog tie” on one of his own legs (securing it in a doubled-up position, basically, his heel up against his ass) for no apparent reason – like he was just idly screwing around – but something about his body language or expression suggested to me that he was contriving to present himself to me as prey. Just kinda casually talking to me while making it clear that he was half-trussed-up and maybe just a little bit helpless.
I was still having a hard time thinking of a non-awkward segue into makeouts (and with him seeming so respectful of boundaries, I did feel like a verbal segue was needed and I shouldn’t just wordlessly pounce). I think The Bunny said something about his high pain tolerance again – how you can hurt him and he’ll just sit there not even reacting – and I was like “And would you also be completely stoic if I kissed you?” (Oooooooh, smooth… 😛 ). I can’t even remember his reply. It’s irrelevant, really. Whatever he said – yes or no – I replied “Shall we test this theory?” and he said “If you’d like.”
Another aside: guys, I know some of you are concerned about being too sexually pushy, and I truly appreciate this concern. Anyone who’s been reading this blog for a while knows that feeling comfortable and safe with a guy is one of my top prerequisites to fucking him. But you can make a woman feel comfortable and safe in your presence without pretending to be a total eunuch! Generally, when you haven’t been pressuring a person at all and they offer to kiss you, it’s because they want to. Ergo, it’s okay to admit that you want this, too. In fact, I would very much have preferred a “yes, please” to “if you’d like” since the latter makes me wonder if I’m the one pressuring someone into stuff they don’t really want. Meet me halfway here, dudes. Kthx.
Anyway. I stretched out next to where he was lying and kissed him a bit, then straddled him and kissed him some more. “I’m not planning on going super-far, here,” I said between kisses. “Just a little bit of fun.”
“That’s fine,” he said. And yes, okay, I’m super picky about semantics, but I wasn’t asking for his approval there; I was telling him what I was willing to do. It’s not a huge deal or anything but “Of course – whatever you want” would have been better. Or even “That’s all I want, too,” since we can’t assume he’s ready to bang everything that moves just ’cause he’s a boy.
The kissing was good, in the sense that The Bunny has really nice, full lips and he followed my lead – no weird mismatch of styles, not too much tongue, etc. Like Pixie and The Pedant before him, though, he remained absolutely passive aside from kissing me back (and pushing his hips up against me a bit – dude seemed to get an instant erection when I climbed on top of him). And I like objectifying a partner, so to an extent it’s pretty fun to be that much in control – when I decided I wanted to explore The Bunny’s neck, I took him by the chin and swivelled his head to one side; when I wanted his mouth again I swivelled it back again. And because he kept his arms limply up by his head, I didn’t have to worry that he was suddenly gonna progress things further than I wanted. But still. After a certain point I wonder why I’m even bothering; a Real Doll would be almost the same. Well, no. A Real Doll wouldn’t get hard and make those breathing sounds and soft moans.
This sounds kinda sick, but I think my dominance and interest in objectification can allow me to enjoy makeouts with people I wouldn’t otherwise go for at all. In retrospect I was never attracted to The Doll or The Baby Duck, really (and maybe not Pixie, either); but we made out anyway and I managed to get into such a narcissistic headspace that I enjoyed it. In other words, because the makeouts were all about me and what I wanted to do, my partner became a kind of mirror; no substance of their own, just reflecting my desires back at me. And I was able to coast on the momentum of my narcissism for a little while, but eventually I always got sick of turning inward like that and turned outward instead – and then realized that I didn’t actually find the person in question that attractive or interesting.
I’m sure the same thing would happen if I took a totally passive role and just, like, lay back with my eyes closed and let someone give me a bunch of orgasms. It occurs to me that I need an equal give-and-take in sex; I need the other person to initiate sometimes, to give input, to take an active role. Otherwise it’s just glorified masturbation.
The funny thing is that The Bunny is usually a top. His experience with rope isn’t just theoretical; he’s tied women down and fucked the shit out them. Even his photos and captions on FetLife come across as assertive and commanding (in a hot way, not a douchey way). He told me he’d like to bottom/submit, and has before, but rarely meets a woman with the kind of commanding presence that makes him want to give up control. I think it’s safe to say that I have the presence he requires. How odd that all his initiative went right out the window with me, though. Dude seems pretty together/grounded/realistic when it comes to BDSM, so it surprises me that he seems to think a sub isn’t allowed to initiate anything. That’s n00b-think.
We took a little break from me kissing/scratching/biting him and just chatted a bit. Then after a little while I held the hem of my shirt out and asked The Bunny to run his hands over my back. He did so, and I asked him to lighten the pressure and when it was perfect said “Yes, please. More.” He seemed to appreciate my clear and unambiguous responses. I started kissing him some more…and pretty soon his hands were flopped on the mattress next to his head again. *Sigh.* I will have to work with him on this. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a pretty shitty multitasker in bed, myself – I understand if a person can’t do fancy stuff to their partner while stuff is being done to them. But I do prefer someone to at least rest their hands on me somewhere while I’m doing stuff to them rather than lying there like a dead fish.
Soon after the second makeout session, I kicked The Bunny out because it was almost 2am and I wanted to go to bed. He hugged me goodbye at the door, and this morning sent me a text to thank me for having him over and tell me that he likes my particular style of dominance. He’s gonna see if a rope-expert friend of his will teach me some stuff – with The Bunny being my practice dummy, of course. Sounds like fun! I like the idea of learning some actual topping skills.
I hope my interest in him doesn’t suddenly evaporate like it has for so many others. I really want a bottomy/submissive FWB, dammit, and although I’m not immediately and viscerally turned on by him the way I am by The Pedant, he is cute and I think he could grow on me. Plus I’m still too raw from The Pedant to want anything too serious, anyway; right now, the idea of a cute boy I’m not totally obsessed with sounds just fine.