Hung out with V today after my chiropractic appointment. We had a bite to eat and then browsed around in a couple of second-hand stores, after which she walked me home.
As with every damn sub I meet lately, I am not burning with attraction for her. I do think she’s attractive, though, and I like her a lot. And sometimes when we’re talking about BDSM – specifically things like biting and scratching – she gets all flushed and flustered in a way that makes me feel…curious and a bit tingly.
And, as I think I’ve said before, until recently she identified as asexual. We talked about this some more today; I asked her how her burgeoning sexuality is manifesting itself. Does she just realize that she enjoys looking at people now, or is there an urge to do things with them, like make out? She said making out was always a part of her repertoire, anyway. But as for other stuff…she doesn’t know. Her desires are definitely there, but they’re so vague that she doesn’t know what they are; she doesn’t know where she’d want physical stuff to lead, exactly. I find it comforting that her interest in me is probably about as nebulous as mine is in her.
And so, at my doorstep when she walked me home, we shared a huge long hug and I asked her whether it would be okay if I kissed her. She immediately said yes.
The kissing itself was…awkward. Which I expected; she did tell me she’s had very little experience and I’ll have to teach her stuff. Our front teeth clacked together on my initial approach, and continued clacking together even after I made adjustments. I slid my right hand under her hair to rest on her neck, my thumb lightly stroking her jaw. When we pulled apart I suddenly realized that she’d been standing on tiptoe. Her face was adorably goofy and giggly; she was grinning and could barely make eye contact. Only then did I realize that a) all this time, she must have been more into the idea of kissing me than her previously neutral body language had let on and b) our teeth had clashed repeatedly because she was a bit overeager and kept coming at me even as I tried to back up a tiny bit.
Ten minutes after we parted company, she texted me:
V: Was I a lousy kiss? I’ve been wanting to kiss you forever and I just kinda froze!
Me: I’m glad to hear you were wanting that! I couldn’t tell…I wasn’t sensing a vibe. So I asked you with NOTHING to go on. I was relieved that the question didn’t put you off. And the kissing was nice. 🙂
V: Vibe? From me? I guess I just don’t want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Me: Likewise. Which is why I knew I’d have to use my words to break the stalemate. 😀
V: Good call. :3
Me: This is what happens when two people are reeeeeally conscious about issues of consent. 😛
V: Yep. XD [pause; new message] Next time you can skip the asking part if you like. :3
Me: Noted! Thank you. 🙂
So yeah. That happened. 😀