The Pedant was active on Facebook last night, and not from his phone. Which leads me to believe he had the day/night off work.
I know his work schedule has been hectic and tiring. Mine has been, too, and so I haven’t been really hanging out with friends even on my days off because I’m trying to preserve my energy. I get how that happens sometimes. I assume that’s what The Pedant is doing, too.
But my inner whiny child is still mad that The Pedant has technically had opportunities to come see me, and hasn’t. Especially since I was off work yesterday, too – and would totally have reversed my “I’m recuperating alone” policy for him.
He’s made it fairly clear that if he’s not volunteering to come over, it’s because he can’t – there’s no point in me prompting him. So I’m trying to be patient. But fuck. This is really hard.
I wish he were more effusive…this might suck less if I concretely knew that he misses me, too (as it is, he responds pleasantly enough to my expressions of affection but it doesn’t seem to occur to him to say similar things back). I wish he were more transparent in his communication: our situation would definitely suck less if he outright told me “Please bear with me – I still like you and want to see you, but my schedule is so gruelling that I feel like I need to spend my days off just recuperating from everything.” I actually said almost exactly this to V last night.
But no. I don’t get reassurance from The Pedant. I get small talk and vague promises that we’ll see each other “soon.” Which looks like he’s keeping me on the back burner, and inflames my paranoia like whoa, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening. He’s always been kinda shitty at making plans and at saying mushy things.
I suppose I could actually point-blank ask “Do you miss me?” I hate the whiny, cloying feel of that question, but I doubt The Pedant would read that kind of tone into it. If he’s Aspie he probably can’t read any sort of tone into anything. I think the real reason why I don’t ask this is that I’m afraid he’ll say no. And not even because he’s not into me or doesn’t want to see me anymore; he just doesn’t seem to experience the concept of “missing” someone. Or at least it takes him way longer than average to get to that point.
I think the thing to do here isn’t to ask “do you miss me?” – if he takes that literally, I’ll be in trouble. The key is to specifically ask for reassurance. At some point I might email him pointing out that his behaviour looks, on the surface, very much like the behaviour of someone who’s keeping me on the back burner or whatever, and that although I don’t think that’s what he’s actually doing I would still like to hear him say that he does still like me and it really is that work is getting in the way. Or if he’s actually not into me anymore, I’d prefer to hear that straight up. Either way I want to know what’s going on.
I’m going to try to give him some space first, though. I’ve been messaging him on a regular basis pretty much ever since he got that job; it would probably seem pretty weird to him for me to be all “tell me you still like me, dammit!!!” when we’ve been already been conversing in a perfectly cordial fashion. I’m sure he feels that his responding to my texts and emails is obvious proof that everything is fine (and maybe it even is; I did say I’m paranoid).