ARRRRGH

The Pedant got a security guard position – and starts tomorrow, the day he was supposed to come over.  And says that his schedule is now full for the next two weeks.  Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I suppose I was spoiled before, anyway, having comparatively unfettered access to him for as long as I did.  Most people have jobs.  But still.  This sucks.  And of course The Pedant is not an especially verbally effusive person and he broke the news to me via text, so it looks like he doesn’t really care that much that we’ll have less time together now (although I’m sure he does care, at least a little, in his own special way).

The timing of this – him being called away right when he was going to come over and pleasure me a bunch of times to make up for neglecting my needs last time – is unfortunate.  But y’know, it’s not those missed orgasms that are making me sad.  I do really like it when he lavishes attention on me, but I think I actually like lavishing attention on him more – it’s the latter I’ll miss most and the latter that’ll be hardest to replace.  I could find other guys who’d be willing to caress and pleasure an attractive naked lady.  Finding another guy with the perfect-sized uncut cock who gets totally lost in the things I do to him and makes those electrifying little helpless kitten sounds?  Needle in a haystack.

Not that I’m looking to replace The Pedant per se.  Or, y’know, not entirely.  But he never was able to come around and fuck me as often as I crave, and everyone else I’ve been courting – The Doll, The Baby Duck, the various idiot 18-year-olds – was meant to both supplement the sex and (ideally) add stability to my romantic life so I wouldn’t be pinning all my mushy emotions onto The Pedant.

I think I’m about to redouble my search efforts. 😛

Awwww, man…now I’m pissed that I didn’t tell The Pedant I love him last time he was here.  I won’t get another chance for at least two weeks.  

I wonder whether he’ll still make time for me?  I wonder whether he said his next two weeks are full because he’s working full-time and going to nightclubs on the weekends?  Which he’s perfectly entitled to do, but I wish being with me was more compelling to him then going out to some club to lurk around in the dark and occasionally dance or say hi to various acquaintances.

I’m panicking, I think, because it feels as though The Pedant is entering a new phase of life and will inevitably leave me behind.  This is not necessarily the case, though.  He’s had full-time jobs off and on during the two years we’ve been seeing each other, and our time together got rarer but we did still see each other.  And even though this time he plans to save up money and move out of his parents’ place at last, he made all those offhanded comments about inviting me over and stuff.  And, hey, if I can be catty and insecure for a minute, his reduced free time also means he has less time to meet other women. 😀

Anyway.  Tl;dr: The Pedant has a job now and I won’t be seeing him as often and it sucks.

In other news, I’m having a second date with that guy from FetLife.  We’re going to a fetish event – there’ll be dominant women there giving lessons on how do do a bunch of…dominant things.  So I might learn some stuff.  

And now I have no plans tomorrow so I guess I can stay out as late as I want.

Sigh.

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