After much internal struggle and a certain amount of asking advice from friends, I decided I’d probably better address The Baby Duck’s latest text directly instead of ignoring him and hoping he’ll go away.
My friends said that in saying that I think I need to call it quits, I was unclear and TBD probably thought I was actually trying to say “I’ll bail if things don’t improve.” I disagree with this assessment. Studies have shown that guys know how to interpret a “soft refusal” just fine. Also, I followed it up with “I wish you all the best” so come on.
But whether he wrote me back because he’s deliberately playing on my niceness or because he genuinely didn’t understand, it seemed like a good idea to definitively cut things off. It wasn’t gonna get any less awkward if I ignored him and he wrote me yet again.
So I responded to his are-you-free-this-week with “Sorry, you misunderstand me; I don’t wish to see each other anymore. I have no hard feelings, and I hope you don’t either, but it’s done.”
Within five minutes he wrote back “Fine, suit yourself. Bye.”
The anger in The Baby Duck’s response makes me antsy. I don’t see TBD as the vengeful or stalking type, but my heart is pounding nonetheless. I see guys ranting all the time about women rejecting them, and they just get so enraged. They couch it in terms of women rejecting them the wrong way. There are three prevalent themes to these rants: “why do women have to be such bitches about it? Why can’t they be polite?” “why do women have to be so vague? Why can’t they just say what they mean, straight up?” and finally, “why don’t women write/call me back? If they’re not into me, they should say so! They shouldn’t just be silent until I get the hint!”
Call me crazy but I think maaaaaybe these guys are actually angry not at the way the rejection went down, but at the very fact that they were rejected at all.
And maybe I just hang out in weird social circles, but I’ve never known women to get angry over being rejected. Hurt or disappointed, sure. But not flat-out white-knuckle rage.
Anyway, I tried to reject The Baby Duck gently so he wouldn’t get that scary angry vibe, but it seems like he did, anyway. I should’ve been blunt from the beginning; he still would’ve gotten pissy, but at least the whole exchange wouldn’t have been drawn out so long.
OH FFS. I left off writing this entry to putter around on FetLife for 45 minutes or so and HE’S JUST TEXTED ME AGAIN:
“I just hope it’s not in reference to Saturday night, like I said I wasn’t going to just twiddle my thumbs for multiple hours waiting for your friends.” (Saturday was the night he said he’d meet my friends and I at the nightclub but didn’t show.)
I do not like this. He may just be looking for closure, but this is just coming off defensive and bitter to me – like he’s trying to turn things around and make me out to be the jerk when I never said there was a jerk in this equation at all.
And by the way, I never asked him to sit around for hours twiddling his thumbs. I asked if he wanted to come out to the club and he said yes; when he asked what time my posse and I would be there, I said it would be an hour or two. He said he wasn’t going to go to the club and wait around there alone (I hadn’t asked him to!) but why didn’t I tell him when we were heading over and he’d take a cab and meet us there.
He’s acting like I messed up that night by treating him like a doormat when in fact he messed it up by telling me he’d be there and then standing me up without so much as a text.
Anyway. It feels as though he deliberately ignored my first breakup attempt, got pissed off when I restated my case with no room for plausible deniability on his part that time, and now he’s trying to engage me so he can argue/negotiate.
If he’d asked if I was just pissed off about Saturday, without injecting all that blamey language into it, I might have responded. But no. My inner Ackbar is telling me that IT’S A TRAP and I’d better not respond.
Jesus. So much drama for someone I’ve only seen, like, six times and haven’t even slept with.