I’m one of those people who’s not especially impressed by photos of some random dude’s penis. If a guy wants to put pictures of his cock up on his FetLife profile that’s totally his prerogative, of course, and it’s not like those photos will actively disgust me. But if you’re a dude and we’re talking via email or instant message, please don’t send me a close-up photo of your penis unless I have requested one. Which I probably won’t. Artistic nudes that show the whole body are way sexier to me.
Anyway. I keep hearing women being baffled at why guys so often try to inflict their penis pictures on an unsuspecting public, and during these discussions someone always says “Well, most men would get turned on by a closeup photo of a pussy, so they just assume that the reverse would also be true.”
Fair enough. But *why* are most women averse to dudes’ genitalia photos while most men are turned on by women’s?
I have just had a mighty epiphany about this.
I don’t come from penetration alone; a guy’s penis is not synonymous with orgasm, to me. However, a guy’s penis is synonymous with orgasm to him – his orgasm. Plus it seems like so many dudes are really, really self-centred when it comes to sexuality…always trying to make me enact their fantasies like an animated blowup doll, with no regard for the fact that I might not be into what they’re into* and no apparent clue that I might have fantasies of my own.
So when a guy shows me pictures of his penis I feel like he’s making his pleasure the centre of the universe yet again. I feel like he’s saying “Look at this wondrous appendage! It gives me orgasms! Isn’t that awesome? No, really, isn’t it awesome that I can have orgasms? Yay meeeeeee!” and expecting me to get turned on by that.
I’m not turned on by a guy’s enthusiasm for his own orgasms, though. The “yay, me! Yay, penis!” attitude in a guy usually means that if I sleep with him, it’ll be all about him I’ll be left unfulfilled. I’d rather see a guy interested in my pleasure.
I would guess that a lot of other women feel the same way.
So why are men turned on by photos of vulvas? Well, for most straight cis men, pussy is also synonymous with their orgasm. So of course a picture of a vulva is gonna turn these guys on. They look at it and go “I could put my penis in there and have orgasms! Yay meeeeeee!” – it’s all boils down to the guy’s pleasure. Again.
On a somewhat related note, I have heard that apparently a guys’ forearms are A Thing for a lot of women (including me, actually). And a person’s forearm muscles are instrumental in the art of giving a woman an orgasm manually. And I’m kinda thinking it’s not a coincidence. It seems pretty feasible that women might be visually stimulated by hands and forearms for the same reason men are visually stimulated by the sight of a vulva – “Hey, that part of the body gives me orgasms!”
That’s only a rough theory though.
*That 18 year old sub I recently talked to, for instance…he kept telling me he wanted me to sit on his face. Presumably he liked the idea because it would make him feel subordinate/submissive; seems like a lot of subs do. I’ve tried facesitting; I can’t get off and my thighs get sore from trying to support my weight so I don’t smother the guy. It’s kind of boring and irritating at the same time. I told the kid all of this. and he still whined at me that he wanted it. Excuse me, but how is it submissive to insist I fulfill your fantasy that I actively dislike?
Some days I feel as though, in any attempt at sex or sex-related things with a guy, I have to keep reminding him “Hey, I want to have fun, too.”