Grrrrr.

I’ve been thinking it’s time to let The Baby Duck go.  I’m not really sure I’m attracted to him, for one thing, but the bigger issue is that he’s had to cancel our last three or four get-togethers because of his job.  I’m not mad or anything – I have an erratic work schedule, too – but we can’t really build any kind of relationship if we never see each other.  Also, if I let myself get emotionally invested in him then I’ll be super disappointed every time he cancels, so I’m deliberately keeping my emotional distance.

Part of me was thinking, “He’s a good kisser with compatible kinks who communicates well and gives nice compliments; why throw that away?  Appreciate him when he’s able to come around and forget him in-between.”  But I’m not sure I can do casual D/s with someone at this point in my life.  Also, there’s still the issue of the attraction being wonky.

But I hadn’t heard from him in ages, anyway, and was starting to think the decision had been made for me.

Then last night he texted me for the first time in weeks, apologizing for his silence and blaming it on a business trip.  I was just about to head out to a nightclub with some friends, and invited The Baby Duck to meet us there if he wanted; I figured if I invited him to something I was already doing, I’d have fun no matter what; if he bailed on me it would be less of a big deal.  Plus I kind of wanted my friends to meet him so I could get their opinions later.

The Baby Duck said he would indeed come out, and so I texted him when I was leaving and again when I arrived, and let him know my posse was dancing in the main room (the club has more than one).  After twenty minutes or so I wanted to check out the music in the side room, but didn’t because I’d told TBD I was in the main room.  He doesn’t strike me as someone who would normally go to that particular club and it can be alienating and disorienting to come to an unfamiliar environment by oneself and try to locate someone in all the hubbub.  I kept my eye on the door while I danced.  I did finally investigate the side room for a while, but checked my phone constantly for texts from TBD, just in case.  Then it was back to the main room, where I kept one eye on the door again and the other eye on my phone.

The Baby Duck never did show up, nor did he give me any warning that he wasn’t coming after all.  I didn’t hear from him until the next day, when he apologized (entirely too nonchalantly, to my mind) and explained that he’d fallen asleep.  This pisses me off because:

  • My knee-jerk reaction is that he should’ve been excited to reconnect with me and therefore not prone to dozing off.
  • Who falls asleep so fast that they don’t have time to send a fuckin’ “sorry, not gonna make it” text, anyway?  (Okay…I do know people who fall asleep practically instantly…but still.)
  • A person who falls into a dead sleep so instantaneously that they don’t have time to send a text first is a person who’s pretty damn tired.  How did he not realize he was so sleepy?  Is he in fact a toddler?
  • I had a fun night with my friends but it would’ve been more fun if I hadn’t been constantly on the lookout for this jackass!  (Arguably that was my own fault…my anxiety issues make me hate going to unfamiliar places and/or trying to find someone in a crowd, so I was looking out for TBD the way I’d want someone to look out for me.  But it’s not like he asked me to be so vigilant.)
  • I feel like a dumbass for making sacrifices for this guy when I’m not even that into him.  Bad enough that I restructure my life for The Pedant.  Doing it for someone whose body mildly repulsed me the one time makeouts progressed to an underpants place?  Someone I literally forgot existed for a while when he was off on business and not texting me?  Um, no.

I haven’t formally broken it off with him yet, but I’m damn sure going to.

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