Double-fuck.

A few years ago, I had a fling with a woman – a friend of my friend Red.  It started out fun, but then (for reasons I can’t remember anymore) I wanted to slow things down and requested that she scale back our physical interactions to just platonic snuggling and nothing further.

She didn’t.

Red would have get-togethers at her place that included both of us (and a bunch of other people, too), and this girl would keep getting all up in my business even though I was leaning away and ignoring her and just generally giving off a very uncomfortable vibe.  I didn’t say anything because I’m not great at making scenes in general and also, the last woman I tried to defend my sexual boundaries against accused me of homophobia and I guess that left some scars.  But believe me, it would be obvious to anyone with eyeballs that I was not enjoying this woman’s attentions.  I did not enjoy it when a bunch of us were discussing breasts and she straddled my lap, put my hands on her tits, and asked if they were more like oranges or grapefruits.  I did not enjoy it when she sucked my nipples through my shirt.  I did not enjoy the way she would sit next to me and constantly nuzzled her cheek against my shoulder while making inquisitive cat noises, to the point where I could barely pay attention to what anyone else was saying.  I did not enjoy the fact that every time I’d make an excuse to get up and sit somewhere else, she’d follow me and start mew-nuzzling me again.

Finally, I messaged her on Facebook firmly asking her to cut that shit out.  She replied along the lines of “Ah.  I sensed that you were uncomfortable with my behaviour.  Sorry, I’ll stop.”  And she did stop*.  But you’ll notice she just admitted that she knew I didn’t like her attentions but she kept going anyway.  Instead of stopping when she sensed I was uncomfortable, she opted to see how much she could get away with before I finally gave her a “no” she couldn’t ignore.

So basically, I hate this chick.  I put up with her during those occasions when we’re both at Red’s place, and I’ve kept her as a Facebook friend because she never contacts me there and the politics of deleting someone so enmeshed in my social circle were complicated, but oh yes, I do hate her.

Today, I read a journal entry on FetLife so fabulous and articulate that it inspired me to send its author a gushy message and a friend request.  She accepted it – whereupon I gained access to her “friends only” profile pictures.

Guess who?

 

*Why did I ever even see this chick again, you ask?  We’re both friends with Red, remember, and Red – perhaps not understanding the gravity of the situation – continued inviting this chick to her get-togethers and didn’t always mention it to me ahead of time.

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Double-fuck.

  1. But you’ll notice she just admitted that she knew I didn’t like her attentions but she kept going anyway.

    Wow. That is gross and creepy. I guess maybe it’s better than spouting some bullshit about how she didn’t know she was creeping you out and you should’ve said something if you were so unhappy, but still. Ick.

    I’ve kept her as a Facebook friend because she never contacts me there and the politics of deleting someone so enmeshed in my social circle were complicated

    I know what you mean. A friend of mine does a facebook purge about once a year where he unfriends everyone he does’t like/never talks to/who incessantly posts about events in other cities, and every time he does it I think “That’s genius! I should do that!”… and then I chicken out. Even though I either dislike or never interact with the people I want to unfriend, I don’t want them going around telling people what a jerk I am.

    Today, I read a journal entry on FetLife so fabulous and articulate that it inspired me to send its author a gushy message and a friend request. She accepted it – whereupon I gained access to her “friends only” profile pictures.

    Guess who?

    Ouch, that’s mighty awkward.

    • Yup. Awkward indeed. And although I knew from the get-go that this woman is articulate and really smart and (ostensibly) feminist, I hadn’t seen evidence of this in a long while so her brilliant FetLife note gave me big-time cognitive dissonance. I know intellectually that anyone can commit sexual assault, but I guess on some level I’ve bought into the widespread cultural meme that anyone who would do something like that can’t possibly have any redeeming qualities. It’s hard to get my head around.

      I don’t have any face pics on my FetLife profile at all, so she may not actually realize it’s me; certainly she didn’t act like she knew when she responded to my stupid mushy fangirl squee message. I think I might wait a little while and then quietly defriend/block her.

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