A few years ago, I had a fling with a woman – a friend of my friend Red. It started out fun, but then (for reasons I can’t remember anymore) I wanted to slow things down and requested that she scale back our physical interactions to just platonic snuggling and nothing further.
Red would have get-togethers at her place that included both of us (and a bunch of other people, too), and this girl would keep getting all up in my business even though I was leaning away and ignoring her and just generally giving off a very uncomfortable vibe. I didn’t say anything because I’m not great at making scenes in general and also, the last woman I tried to defend my sexual boundaries against accused me of homophobia and I guess that left some scars. But believe me, it would be obvious to anyone with eyeballs that I was not enjoying this woman’s attentions. I did not enjoy it when a bunch of us were discussing breasts and she straddled my lap, put my hands on her tits, and asked if they were more like oranges or grapefruits. I did not enjoy it when she sucked my nipples through my shirt. I did not enjoy the way she would sit next to me and constantly nuzzled her cheek against my shoulder while making inquisitive cat noises, to the point where I could barely pay attention to what anyone else was saying. I did not enjoy the fact that every time I’d make an excuse to get up and sit somewhere else, she’d follow me and start mew-nuzzling me again.
Finally, I messaged her on Facebook firmly asking her to cut that shit out. She replied along the lines of “Ah. I sensed that you were uncomfortable with my behaviour. Sorry, I’ll stop.” And she did stop*. But you’ll notice she just admitted that she knew I didn’t like her attentions but she kept going anyway. Instead of stopping when she sensed I was uncomfortable, she opted to see how much she could get away with before I finally gave her a “no” she couldn’t ignore.
So basically, I hate this chick. I put up with her during those occasions when we’re both at Red’s place, and I’ve kept her as a Facebook friend because she never contacts me there and the politics of deleting someone so enmeshed in my social circle were complicated, but oh yes, I do hate her.
Today, I read a journal entry on FetLife so fabulous and articulate that it inspired me to send its author a gushy message and a friend request. She accepted it – whereupon I gained access to her “friends only” profile pictures.
*Why did I ever even see this chick again, you ask? We’re both friends with Red, remember, and Red – perhaps not understanding the gravity of the situation – continued inviting this chick to her get-togethers and didn’t always mention it to me ahead of time.