Sigh.

The thing that drives me mad about The Pedant is that he doesn’t text or email me (or anyone, apparently) just to check in/say hi, but he is constantly on Facebook commenting on people’s posts and things.  So he’s not totally selfish and zoned out; he clearly has an interest in touching base with people, having silly discussions, etc.

Mind you, people’s Facebook posts that he’s liking and responding to are already there, so he’s still not initiating; I guess it’s the same thing as when I text him a hello and he promptly and pleasantly responds back.

Still hurts to be going into Pedant withdrawal and see him socializing with people all the fuck over the internet, though.  People who aren’t me; I guess I haven’t posted anything he likes or feels like engaging over.  Sigh.

Today I see that he’s posted some photos he took while out and about, and is making inside jokes with a couple of different women about times they’ve hung out recently (nobody he’s screwing, I don’t think.  He does have plenty of woman friends).  I find that with anyone I’m seeing, I don’t like to picture them having a life when I’m not around.  I’d prefer to imagine, on some level, that they’re just in stasis between dates like a toy I’ve put away.  I’d never try to limit someone’s life or friendships or interactions; I just don’t want to think too much about the fact that they exist.  I suppose I have insecurity issues.

It’s Tuesday.  I’m going to try to ignore The Pedant until Friday and see if he picks up the slack by sending me a random greeting in the meantime, as he’d agreed to start doing.  Or – god forbid – even tells me he wants to see me and proposes a day.

I don’t have high hopes on this.

I’m probably jumping to conclusions – it’s possible the other people he hangs out with are always the ones initiating it – but it feels as though he’s a social butterfly with everyone but me; like I’m just the afterthought-girl that he sees because I keep asking for his company and I’ll fuck him a whole lot so why not?

I should try to stop thinking about this shit until I’ve had more sleep.

Okay, off I go to get ready for work.  It’s stupid o’clock in the morning and I’m posing in an art class across town at 8:45.

 

5 Comments

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5 responses to “Sigh.

  1. Decklan

    I’m sorry things are going so sour. Maybe your art class will cheer you up?

    • It was a good class. That particular instructor treats his models like ROCK STARS. He even drove me home after, and intends to buy me lunch sometime this week. 🙂

      • Decklan

        That’s so great! I’m glad you had a good time. I bet it is interesting being a model. I’ve always wanted to do a nude/intimate photography series, but I don’t have anyone willing to pose.

  2. unsolicited advice

    I Just randomly found your blog, and i’m confident people would describe me as “Aspie” as well. I’ve spent some time trying to understand how I relate to the world vs. how I think other people might, and I might be able to provide some insight into the Pedant’s behavior. Most of my emotional (and social) interactions with other people require a sort of mental “checklist” that is exhausting to keep up. Casually initiating social contact is something akin to starting up a commercial airliner. I have to get myself into the proper headspace, check all the pre-flight lists, and make sure I do or don’t do all the things that I’ve observed make up correct social interaction with that person. I have to do all this *consciously* because something is wired in my brain that keeps me from doing this fluidly and effortlessly like many people seem to do- this makes initiating social interaction draining. While I understand intellectually that many people enjoy random social contacts from people they care about, the concept is fundamentally alien to me. I try to keep up with things like this, but I imagine it might be like changing your car’s air filter might be for you- an important task essential to the functioning of the machine, but easy to forget without a reminder.

    That said, I do feel love and attachment to my partner, so if she shows me a need- like wanting to chat, or needing her computer fixed, or some sort of task-based thing, I love the opportunity to show her my attachment by doing a thing for her. This might be why your partner is drawn to a partner that likes being in charge- it gives him clear and obvious cues for ways he can make you happy. I’m not sure that your Pedant has quite the same wiring issues that I do, but in my case sometimes I just need little nudges to be a little bit more “human” in my emotional interactions. Note that these “nudges” must be blindingly obvious. If the subject of your post is anything like me, subtle cues will not do the trick- this needs to be an open, honest, non-judgmental, and possibly reoccuring conversation.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! i love getting a taste of this stuff from the opposite side.

      Most of my emotional (and social) interactions with other people require a sort of mental “checklist” that is exhausting to keep up.

      OH. So contacting me “doesn’t occur to him” because it’s too much work/contrary to his personality? Kinda like how going for a brisk jog never occurs to me? That makes a kind of sense to me. Maybe.

      While I understand intellectually that many people enjoy random social contacts from people they care about, the concept is fundamentally alien to me.

      Could you talk more about this, please? How is the concept so alien? If your partner contacts you with random chitchat, do you not feel happy to hear from her? Would you actually be fine with never hearing from each other except to make plans to see each other? If, when she is not around, you do not miss her such that you have an urge for contact, then why do you even have an urge to see her again?

      To me, phone calls/emails/texts are a watered-down version of seeing someone in person. To you (and The Pedant, and some other people) it seems as though virtual and physical interaction are two entirely different things. I don’t get it. 😛

      That said, I do feel love and attachment to my partner, so if she shows me a need- like wanting to chat, or needing her computer fixed, or some sort of task-based thing, I love the opportunity to show her my attachment by doing a thing for her.

      The Pedant is always helping me with stuff. 😀

      I’m not sure that your Pedant has quite the same wiring issues that I do, but in my case sometimes I just need little nudges to be a little bit more “human” in my emotional interactions. Note that these “nudges” must be blindingly obvious.

      Here’s our conversation about his communication habits: https://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com/2013/08/02/a-pessimistic-streak/

      Here’s one from a while back about his scheduling issues: https://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/fine-i-used-my-words/

      Pretty sure I was straightforward/non judgmental/etc. I tried, anyway.

      …He actually did text me a random “how’s it going” last night, as requested. So he’s clearly willing to put forth effort to make me happy; he just needs to know how.

      What I hate is that I will probably have to remind him again from time to time, since it’s human nature to slack off on doing things that take work for us. It was difficult to initiate the conversations about my needs that we’ve already had; the thought of having to go “Hey, you haven’t done [thing] in a while and now I haz a sad” makes me wanna cringe in awkwardness.

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