The thing that drives me mad about The Pedant is that he doesn’t text or email me (or anyone, apparently) just to check in/say hi, but he is constantly on Facebook commenting on people’s posts and things. So he’s not totally selfish and zoned out; he clearly has an interest in touching base with people, having silly discussions, etc.
Mind you, people’s Facebook posts that he’s liking and responding to are already there, so he’s still not initiating; I guess it’s the same thing as when I text him a hello and he promptly and pleasantly responds back.
Still hurts to be going into Pedant withdrawal and see him socializing with people all the fuck over the internet, though. People who aren’t me; I guess I haven’t posted anything he likes or feels like engaging over. Sigh.
Today I see that he’s posted some photos he took while out and about, and is making inside jokes with a couple of different women about times they’ve hung out recently (nobody he’s screwing, I don’t think. He does have plenty of woman friends). I find that with anyone I’m seeing, I don’t like to picture them having a life when I’m not around. I’d prefer to imagine, on some level, that they’re just in stasis between dates like a toy I’ve put away. I’d never try to limit someone’s life or friendships or interactions; I just don’t want to think too much about the fact that they exist. I suppose I have insecurity issues.
It’s Tuesday. I’m going to try to ignore The Pedant until Friday and see if he picks up the slack by sending me a random greeting in the meantime, as he’d agreed to start doing. Or – god forbid – even tells me he wants to see me and proposes a day.
I don’t have high hopes on this.
I’m probably jumping to conclusions – it’s possible the other people he hangs out with are always the ones initiating it – but it feels as though he’s a social butterfly with everyone but me; like I’m just the afterthought-girl that he sees because I keep asking for his company and I’ll fuck him a whole lot so why not?
I should try to stop thinking about this shit until I’ve had more sleep.
Okay, off I go to get ready for work. It’s stupid o’clock in the morning and I’m posing in an art class across town at 8:45.