When The Pedant is over, I feel absolutely secure in my relationship with him. The way he touches me, the way he treats me – I’m really pretty sure he loves me back, even though he hasn’t said the words.
But when he’s not here, I start to get paranoid. As I’ve mentioned, he doesn’t really initiate much contact between visits, unless it’s to email me about a practical matter (“did I leave my hairbrush there?” or “are you free next Tuesday?” or that sort of thing). So first off, his silence makes me wonder if he ever thinks about me when I’m gone, or what (I damn sure think about him. Obviously). Second, the silence gives my anxious thoughts all kinds of room to take root and spread out tendrils.
I was hanging out with Kaija today and she pointed out that some people can care about a person deeply but just not need a lot of check-ins and contact with them. She says perhaps The Pedant is one of those people. She’s probably right. I do know that people like that exist, and there’s no reason why The Pedant wouldn’t be one of them.
But I have to say, I don’t understand that mindset. It makes no sense to me. I have feelings for The Pedant: loving, crushy, sexy feelings. This means that interacting with him makes me happy. And I like being happy, so when he’s not here I want to interact with him through text and email so I can keep on getting little sips of happiness even when he’s not able to actually visit.
Just to be absolutely clear, I’m not saying I want a three-hour phone conversation every night in which the last hour is just us giggling and going “No, you hang up.” “No, you hang up.” I’d just like it if he texted me every few days to tell me how his day is going or even just let me know he’s thinking of me. Not unlike the other day, when I missed him and craved him but had nothing in particular to tell him so I just texted “*licks*”. (He responded “Oh hi there. :)” which is actually exactly what he does when I surprise him with a lick or a kiss in person. GAH SO ADORABLE…!)
Hmmm. It occurs to me that I don’t need that much contact from everyone who’s important to me. I have people in my life whom I totally love (platonically) but only talk to every few weeks or even months and it’s fine. So apparently I’m more clingy when romance is involved. I’m sure this is partly some unhealthy thing where I (still) rely too much on romantic and sexual attention from boys for validation, but it’s definitely also that the societal default for friendships is that everyone has at least a few – if a person makes a new friend, it’s assumed that the new person isn’t replacing a pre-existing friend.
The societal default for relationships is that everyone gets just one – if a guy I’m seeing meets someone who interests him more than I do, he’s generally going to go off and be with her instead. The Pedant is non-monogamous, but even so, if he is silent between visits because he just doesn’t think about me much, and he meets someone he can’t get out of his mind, I’m likely gonna be shunted aside. Maybe not dropped entirely, I mean, but not seeing him nearly as often. So I worry.
Does anyone in our studio audience communicate like The Pedant? Can you explain how it’s possible to love someone and yet go incommunicado for like a week at a time? I need insights.