I was cranky during my last entry, and exaggerated the awfulness of Link’s visit a bit. I feel like sometimes I sensed silent hostility radiating from him when we were sitting around internetting, but that might have been paranoia on my part.
We did have long, interesting talks about lots of things (in-between long silences and bouts of us doing stuff in separate rooms), and at night (if it wasn’t too hot) he’d snuggle me to sleep. Sometimes our internetting was a shared experience where we’d cuddle up side-by-side and he’d show me funny things and I’d show him funny things. He apologized multiple times for being in a state where we couldn’t really be sexual. We were naked or in just boxers pretty much the entire time he was here, and he would sometimes tell me how beautiful I was or reach out and pet me a little bit. And he changed the keyboard on my old laptop, which I’d been putting off for months because, well, I always put off doing stuff I’m not one hundred percent sure how to do.
So there were good things.
But the fact remains that if he hadn’t obsessed so much on the sex I wouldn’t have with him, I would’ve felt way more comfortable doing all kinds of other sexy things. Maybe he wouldn’t have wanted that – who knows? Maybe he’s one of those all-or-nothing people. I’m still kinda mad that he never offered me a single orgasm during his stay (unless you count him going down on me the first night) but jerked off three or four times without consulting with me or anything. He is so not the service sub he thinks he is.
It’s fascinating to me how differently I react toward him now than I did five years ago. Link is poly and has a fetish for sluttiness (if a partner says zie’ll spread hir legs for literally anyone, this turns him on) so he talks about sex a lot. Like…a lot. And the last time I was here, it bothered me; I felt slightly jealous sometimes, was irked that he seemed to be focusing on other women who weren’t even there at the expense of me (the woman who was), and thought all his sex talk was a conscious ploy to remind me not to get attached to him, or something.
Now I understand that he’s just like that, and I mostly don’t care. I actually asked him a bunch of stuff about his sex life just out of curiosity (last time around, I certainly knew he had other partners and was fine with it, but I felt more comfortable with a don’t ask/don’t tell policy).
If anything, what bothered me was the way he kept trying to overlay his fantasies onto me. Like, just minutes after I told him that intercourse doesn’t get me off on its own and I get bored and chafed pretty quickly, he started riffing about how hot it would be to round up a bunch of hot skinny twinky guys and chain them down so I could fuck them all in a row and just totally use them for my pleasure. Well, I do like objectifying hot skinny twinks, but it should have been pretty clear by then that fucking twenty guys in a row is not a thing I’d especially enjoy (“using a guy for my pleasure” is way more likely to involve foot massages). But Link wouldn’t shut up about it, because Link is turned on by the idea of sluttiness.
Link is also a voyeur and exhibitionist, and wanted to check out a local sex club with me. He liked the idea of possibly seeing other people fuck, or of engaging in some public shenanigans ourselves. I told him not to expect anything too wild out of me, but that making out while being admired by onlookers might be interesting and I wasn’t against it. And that I like the idea of watching other people fuck, too, so sure, let’s go.
Link ended up cancelling this plan yesterday (and leaving a day earlier than we’d discussed) because “I wanted to go to [club] so I could fuck you with people watching, but we can’t have sex so there’s no point in going anymore.” a) I never goddamn said I’d have sex with him in public, and b) I resent the implication that there was no point in going to the club – or even of staying in my apartment a day longer – if we weren’t gonna fuck.
I mean hey, I was disappointed, too! I’d spent about $250 on dongs and a harness in preparation for this visit. We had all these plans for me to fuck his ass a whole bunch, and I couldn’t do that because he hurt too much from getting those warts frozen off. We had plans to fuck a whole bunch the heteronormative way and that couldn’t happen, either. Not to mention Link was framing it as him being a slave that I “used” for my pleasure and yet he spent the whole visit focusing on his own needs.
But I do like him, when he’s not being a whiny, resentful, selfish bitch. He’s funny and smart and cute. I liked catching up with him, seeing him naked, falling asleep in his arms. He has value to me aside from sex. The converse…may not be true for him.
Oh well. He’s gone now. Time to wash my sheets and towels in hot water and get on with my life.
Minx is coming by tonight for a movie night, btw. He’s been over a few times recently and I never even mentioned it here because there was so much else going on. But yeah. We seem to be becoming bona fide friends, finally. I’m a little cautious because I feel like if we hang out too much, my novelty will wear off and he’ll go back to the old “ARRRGH I HATE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE” paradigm. But so far it’s okay. And he seems willing to give me long, wonderful foot massages without asking anything in return. After my time with Link, I could really use a boy around who actually caters to what I want.
This visit from Link is making me appreciate The Pedant even more, too. The Pedant isn’t perfect by any means but when we do sexual stuff I feel like it’s for both of us and not just for him.