A cautionary tale.

So yeah, Link has HPV warts on his asshole.  The doctor told him that these only spread from direct contact – so PIV sex would be fine, I just need to keep my mouth and crotch and anus away from Link’s asshole – but I am skeptical about this (for one thing, Link never let a guy fuck his ass without a condom, and never fucked a guy with visible warts, so clearly warts can transfer over without any direct contact).

Ultimately, I decided to avoid any kind of intercourse or fellatio with Link in order to be on the safe side.  Mostly because I think the exposure would be a dealbreaker for The Pedant, and it’s not worth trading amazing semi-regular loving sex with The Pedant for a few days of casual sex with Link.  Especially since – as I mentioned in my previous entry – Link has kind of been pissing me off.

Link took it well when I said I wouldn’t fuck him; he was in fact the first to mention the possibility that I might want to abstain.  But later, when we were making out (and he started jerking off again), he started monologuing endlessly about how much he wanted to fuck me.  I’m pretty sure he was hoping to talk me into it in the heat of the moment…at any rate he was basically whining about the clear boundaries I’d set, and what the fuck is the point of that?  What’s done is done.

Here’s the thing: there are other fun things to do that would totally have satisfied my need for risk prevention.  Link and I could’ve spent the past two days engaging in cunnilingus (which he’s obsessed with giving), jerking each other off, one of us masturbating while the other one watched,  taking sexy photos of each other or of both of us together (something we’d talked about and I uncharacteristically agreed to, within reason), etc.  But I found that I was afraid to initiate any of these things lest Link started pressuring me for sex again as soon as he got turned on.  It is just too frustrating/annoying to be trying to give someone a hand job and he’s like “I wanna fuck you right now…aaaargh I wanna fuck you so badly…I wish I could slide into your pussy…” yes, I get it, now shut the fuck up about the thing I explicitly said I didn’t want to do and focus on the fun we’re actually  having.

Long story short: instead of us having tons of making out and touching and orgasms together, with souvenir photos to remember it all by, Link and I have spent most of his visit on our separate laptops surfing the internet.  And his air of resentment is making me think I’m not going to want to have sex with him ever again, even once the HPV goes away.

The moral of the story is: stop obsessing on the sexual things your partner can’t or won’t do, and work at being creative within their boundaries instead.  Or, if you simply can’t bear to compromise, just leave already.  But don’t be a whiny little bitch because that’ll take you from “dozens of happy naked orgasms and hours of cuddling” to “watching cat videos on YouTube in stony silence” pretty much instantly.

 

8 Comments

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8 responses to “A cautionary tale.

  1. I’m so sorry you had to go through with this. (And you still have to face him in your home.) He sounds like he’s acting like a classic douche. Everything he’s done since he got there has been about him and not about what you guys could do together. I would throw out a guy who just started jerking off without discussing what we’re going to do together before hand! (Pun intended.) It’s also really reckless of him to not get tested before he got there since he’s had these warts a while now and was expecting sexy times with you. (Or did he hope that you wouldn’t demand the tests and he’d got sex anyway? Ugh…)

    Also, it made me so mad on your behalf that he didn’t even clean up the sheets after coming on them. That’s just common decency, you don’t have to be service oriented to do it… which is to say that he’s definitely not service oriented or even submissive from what I can tell from waaaaay over here. That is – not towards you anyway. Because if he was there certainly would be a lot of things you could do even now…

    Ah, I get angrier the more I think about this. He comes to *your* house, *he* has HPV and now *he’s* angry at *you* for not having sex with his warty ass? Damn right it’s good of you to withhold all the fun sexual things you planned while you still thought he was a decent human being. Sounds so much like all the whiny guys who get mad if you don’t have sex with them without a condom. Like they’re entitled to it anyway, and not having a condom is somehow your fault, and not at all theirs. (Also: they would gladly neglect to use one and risk gods knows what.)

    Is there no way you can just get rid of him?

    I’m so glad that you’re as tough a woman as you’ve become! Holding boundaries when someone tries to bully you is really hard. HUGS.

  2. Wow, this kid sounds like a total dickbag.

    • Wellllll…not a total dickbag. He could’ve lied to me and reported that the doctor said it was hemorrhoids.

      I’m trying to give him some benefit of the doubt here. He was honest with me when he could pretty easily have gotten at least some sexual activity out of me by lying. He was physically affectionate with me and did me some nice nonsexual favours when he was here, like replacing my laptop keyboard for me. He just…had times when he didn’t handle things terribly well.

      Still, I’m relieved that he’s gone.

      • You do realize that a even good friend would’ve acted differently, right? It did change the perspective a bunch to hear you elaborate about his stay, though. But everything that you said was wrong, was still wrong. He just did nice things too. But maybe that’s also a communication problem, not only dependent on his persona.

        …Still, not lying about the STD was the least he should’ve done. It’s not a bonus.

        • Oh, I agree, all the wrong things are still wrong. I’m simply disagreeing with the “total dickbag” analysis. I’d say 45% dickbag at most. 🙂

          • Yeah, of course. It’s impossible to make any analysis really when we can only know what’s written here. But it’s good in a way, because there are some things that warrant a red flag even when everything else is fine (“he only hit me once!”). When you write what worries you here it echoes in us. Sometimes I think you need it, because you are so prone to analyzing everything, you might actually let people of the hook because of that. It happened nearing the end of your relationship with Minx, so I’m not babbling only to keep myself warm here. But obviously there was a lot of important stuff that you weren’t recognizing in your agony, and later you did. 🙂

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