I don’t go clubbing too often, but I think I saw Strawberry Blonde Ponytail Guy the last three times I did go – twice on a Thursday goth night and once on a Friday goth night at a different location. So I’m assuming he probably goes out almost every week.
Pixie asked me on Monday if I’d come out clubbing with her on Thursday night. I said yes, but added “A guy might come up and hit on me…just so you know.”
She asked for the background story on that, and I told her. And because Pixie is poly, it wasn’t an issue.
I didn’t have the nerve to ask her, then and there, what the etiquette should be if SBPG comes over (I tentatively decided that I’d introduce Pixie, make brief small talk, then politely explain that I’m on a date and should get back to it, but ask for his number for later). But Pixie and I ended up going out for coffee on Tuesday and I asked her, all hypothetical ‘n’ shit, how she handles it if she bumps into one partner while she’s out with another. Does she act like she “belongs to” the person she came with, and treat the other totally platonically, or what? She said that she would absolutely acknowledge that both people are partners of hers, and even maybe kiss the other one hello, but just not go into some long crazy makeout with them.
Then she asked me what my stance is, and I told her the situation has never come up yet but I guess I’d be the same way. There’s no use pretending I’m not seeing someone I’m seeing, but if my other partner is expecting that we’re having a night out together it’d be kind of rude to ignore them and have some huge makeout with someone else. Pixie nodded her agreement, so I think my first instinct on how to handle a possible run-in with SBPG was the correct one.
SBPG came up at some later point in my conversation with Pixie – I think I was just saying that I couldn’t believe I was so forward with him, or something – and she grinned and said “Well, maybe he’ll be there on Thursday.” So, totally unjealous and encouraging me to nurture something with this boy. Awesome.
In other news, talking about my blatant pass at SBPG led to Pixie and I talking about hitting on people in general. She said that she used to approach women in clubs and say “I think you’re really beautiful. Would you like to make out with me?” but these days she seems to have lost her nerve. I said that I’m okay to make the first move with someone but I have to have a pretty good idea that my attentions would be welcome, first – and I asked if women’s romantic/sexual “signals” are generally different from guys’ (if she’s even dated enough dudes to know this). Pixie said yes, definitely: women are a lot more cryptic and she can never tell if a girl likes her, or what. I said what about if someone’s been on a date or two with her already? She said she somehow talks herself out of it and convinces herself that maybe the person’s feelings have changed.
This conversation was all super symbolic and meta, you understand, because I’ve been trying to figure out whether Pixie is still interested in me or just wants to be friends or what. She keeps asking me places, but at the end of the outing she’ll give me a very very chaste peck on the lips and she never initiates other kinds of affection so I just don’t know. I was actually trying to get up the nerve, during that conversation, to flat-out ask her what she wanted from me, but I chickened out. The fact that she outright told me she was shy and nervous and kept talking herself out of stuff did make me decide to hint my interest to her, though, just to put her more at ease. So I asked her how often her previous blunt approach with women had worked. She said she only remembers being turned down for makeouts once, ever. And I was like “Only one woman ever said no to you? Clearly, you are irresistible to teh womenz and you should bravely go forth and hit on them as much as you want!” I think she actually blushed at that. 😀
Annnnd, instead of a peck goodbye, I got a long open-mouth kiss with body-pressing and whatnot. Rawr.
Anyway, my point is that I love being poly. If I were just “dating around” like monogamous people do between relationships, everything would be all subterfuge and smoke and mirrors; I’d still be pretending that each person I was seeing was the only one, and it definitely wouldn’t fly for me to make a connection with one person while out with another.
Hopefully, if I see SBPG and explain that I’m poly and on a date but would like to talk to him later, he won’t be frightened off. He seemed pleased enough by me being frank and direct with him when I first hit on him – maybe that’s a good sign that he likes women who buck gender stereotypes (and relationship stereotypes?) in general.
Time will tell.